Regarding Intimacy

mdubdm · Jun 30, 2015

I have a question regarding Intimacy and I want to know if this is normal. My apologies if it feels offensive or crude.

We used to get intimate on a daily basis in the first year of marriage. But then I started working and used to be tired by the time I hit bed. My husband initiates on a regular basis and we get intimate rarely on weekdays and sometimes on weekends based on my energy levels. It has come to once in a week or two now. But we do make out before we sleep and sleep in cuddle. My husband sensing my situation now has cut down on initiating too. But since last couple of months, during midnight he starts kissing me and fondling me. He stops when I say stop and turns around. I see that he is semi-sleep during that time as if he is sleep-kissing. He too says he doesn't remember most of the time what he's doing. He remembers sometimes but vaguely. Poor guy, he feels guilty when I tell him or when he remembers next day. He thinks of himself that he has more appetite for sex and feels bad about it. He is even thinking of seeing a doctor for this. Now, it is happening regularly. He doesn't complain and never demanded from me. He also helps me a lot with house hold work but it's just that my energy levels are not that high by the time I hit bed. He decided to sleep separately on separate bed. He says he can control it if we sleep on separate beds but I didn't like that idea and said No to it.

Is it normal. Do all men behave like this. I mean making out in sleep. Please help me out

msindu · Jul 1, 2015

it's normal

silentlistener · Jul 1, 2015

What is happening with him, he needing it more than you, is normal.

What is happening with you, you not needing it as much as him, due to your low energy level, is normal.

His idea of sleeping in a separate bed one or two feet away from your bed is fine, as long as the other factors between him and you, like the overall mutual good will etc is okay.

yellowmango · Jul 1, 2015

Op....separate beds for a couple is always a bad idea.
If he doesn't remember you pushing him away,don't remind him and make him guilty.
You are his wife and he touches you and wants you.Don't make him feel guilty for that.He is not forcing you and taking the 'no' sportingly.
Letting him go to a separate bed will change your life slowly and not in a good way.

Firstly,get a check up done. There could be many reasons why you are feeling so tired. Get to the root cause. If there is some medical problem,your life will be much better if you get it treated. Just low hemoglobin can tire you out completely .This is for yourself ,not just for the sex.

Secondly,get help. Pay someone to help you with the work atleast till you get your energy levels back.

If you feel better,you will be able to meet him half way at least keeping both of you happy. That will have it's side effects. Having good sex is as relaxing as a good massage.It goes a long way in helping your physical and emotional well being.

If your husband has gentle hands,ask him to massage you at night and let things follow . Both of you will be more relaxed.

yellowmango · Jul 1, 2015

Another way to stop getting drained completely is to lower your expectations from yourself.

Stop working when you feel tired. The house needs to be fairly neat and tidy,not sparkling clean. If you are tired,the cleaning can stop.The house will get as untidy the next day.You can do it the next day.

Make one less dish for meals. Replace it with a quick to make salad. If you make both rice and roti for meals,start making one per meal. Find ways to reduce your work load.Check out the forum for ways to do this .

http://www.indusladies.com/forums/recipe-central/200767-what-can-you-make-10-a.html

http://www.indusladies.com/forums/recipe-central/200767-what-can-you-make-10-a.html

Besides this...downsize our life a bit.

Remove all unnecessary clutter from your home .It reduces work load. Less stuff means less stuff to sort out and clean.

Take help of a friend or a relative (sister may be ) to come over and help you do this and to organize the house better so you have to spend less time .

cheers!

lavanya2000 · Jul 1, 2015

Its quite normal but i would really like both of you to sleep together.

I am working women too & we have faced the similar issue in the past but we never slept alone. We sometimes enjoy in the early morning & for sure weekends.

Be close to your husband & spend lot of time talking to him.. Spending & talking to him more time is much more important then the intimacy.

Good luck

previ · Jul 1, 2015

Op - unless you have kids or a full house on weekends (guests, joint family etc), I can't think of a reason why you both shouldn't enjoy to your fullest on weekends. As someone has already said above, do get yourself checked for the reason for low energy. I am a vegetarian and vitamin B12 deficiency was the reason for my chronic tiredness. Once that was taken care of, I felt more energetic. And why just men, women also have a need for a physical relationship. I remember during the first year after my ds's birth, I was so starved, I'd dream about sex day and night but too tired to actually do it.
Do not sleep on separate beds. That'll drive a wedge between you both.

mdubdm · Jul 1, 2015

Thank you friends for your suggestions. We live overseas so, it is not possible to hire domestic help. Will try to implement suggested ideas and look into B12 vitamin deficiency.

coolgal123 · Jul 1, 2015

I also believe tht sleeping on separate beds is creating distance between u two....its never a gud idea....his has needs higher than u...u shuld try to accomodate his needs....