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reg extra maritial problem

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by sunita283, Apr 30, 2010.

  1. sunita283

    sunita283 New IL'ite

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    Hi Ladies

    I am in a fix these days and want to share with all of you. I am married from last 10 yrs and i have 5 yr old son also. Last year i found out about my husband's extra maritial affair ( which was there for 6 months). Finally after my confontration it ended in a very messy note.. In fact my husband apologized on this and swered by our son that he will not repeat this again. But the problem is i am not able to trust him anymore. I always feel he is making me fool behind my back... Though he kisses me and huges me frequently... is it possible he will be doing the same this again.
    Is it emotinally possible for a man having a girl outside and show love towards his wife also.
     
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  2. Malavika81

    Malavika81 Bronze IL'ite

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    Well then you need to work on the trust. Because when you decided to reconcile with him after the affair, that includes trusting him again. I know that is not easy given the past history, but it is much easier for you to trust him than be in doubt constantly.

    You either need to work on your trust on your own or you both go see a marriage counselor to work on building the trust again. As it turns out, you cannot forgive and take your husband back after an extra marital affair and then let your imagination run wild because you don't trust him. That does not work in practice.

    Your guess is just as good as anyone else's.

    Yes, it is emotionally possible for both a man and a woman to show love towards more than one person. But that does not necessarily mean your husband has a mistress now.
     
  3. sarma

    sarma Senior IL'ite

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    Yes.

    From my understanding of men who are promiscuous, the affairs can happen with no emotional commitment/baggage from the man. So it's quite possible for a promiscuous man to love only his wife and still have other women in his life. I have heard (from a woman friend) that this is not possible for a woman.

    So much for men being from Mars and women being from Venus theory.
     
  4. ArchanaP

    ArchanaP Silver IL'ite

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    So it's quite possible for a promiscuous man to love only his wife and still have other women in his life. I have heard (from a woman friend) that this is not possible for a woman.
    Then it's not LOVE. It's cheating or acting as per circumstances. And yes a woman can also do the same. Yes, a woman can also act to be in love with her husband but have another man in her life. I did not come across any such woman (as a matter of fact a man too) in my life. But I strongly believe there are such woman too. Bottom line is, man or woman, is a human being and is capable of doing ugliest and unimaginable deeds.

    Dear sunita283,

    There is a possibility that your husband might be cheating to be in love with you or he might have realized and is truly in love with you. Just because he sweared on his son does not mean he will not repeat it again. Just keep an eye on him as best as you could until you again the trust again. I am sure he will do the same thing to win your trust back for bad.

    To answer your questions, YES it is possible to act to be in LOVE with your spouse and still have another person in life.

    I pray to God to give you all the strength and wisdom you need. Take care of yourself.
     
  5. sunita283

    sunita283 New IL'ite

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    Thanks ladies for your kind reply.. ArchanaP What should i do to keep track what my husband is doing behind my back.. I am so sorry for asking such question but i have never faced this situtation and i dont konw how to deal with it. What signs should i check in my husband and to keep my eyes open what should i do?
     
    Last edited by a moderator: May 3, 2010
  6. ArchanaP

    ArchanaP Silver IL'ite

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    sunita283,

    You mentioned that you found out about his affair last year. How did you find out? Can you recall his behavior during that period? How different it is now from then? If he is sweet in his behavior now, how consistent it is?
    Keep track of the phone calls and finances (credit card statements). I am not asking you to be a spy on him but just be cautious.
     
  7. sunita283

    sunita283 New IL'ite

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    Archanap : i found out with his detailed phone calls with that lady... but now i checked his phone from last 2 months it is normal....he does not call from his mobile now.. but he does not call me also from his office.. not even once.. it is me only is always calling him.. i am also working but i feel like talking to him 1-2 times in a day.. but he does not feel that way... with that female he used to call everyday and used to talk to her for hours...

    I feel he does not love me and because of society pressure he just want to be with me....
     

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