1. How to Build Positivity in Married Life? : Click Here
    Dismiss Notice

Reconnecting With Bil And Co Sister

Discussion in 'Relationship With In-Laws' started by Meghaa, Oct 20, 2017.

  1. Meghaa

    Meghaa Silver IL'ite

    Messages:
    319
    Likes Received:
    228
    Trophy Points:
    93
    Gender:
    Female
    This is not a vent. Sharing and reflecting I suppose.

    After years of BIL and coSis being weird/mean/cold to me with rare occasions of warmth, I gave up and cut contacts with them. A year and half later we bought a house, so in an effort to give all strained relationships another chance, we invited them.
    They made an effort to show up. But I was keeping interactions to a min. It was easy with all the running around to organize the event ( I am not proud of it :disappointed: but just could nor pretend :fearful:)
    So after a couple days , BIL calls out my behaviour and we have 'the talk'. I get to tell them what my problem is and he apologizes while she cries:rolleye: and denies ever having done anything 'not-nice'.
    Anyhoo, we decided to make an effort going forward. So far so good. Husband & In laws are happy. I am cautiously optimistic.
    But I do wonder sometimes, so they couldn't handle the taste of their own medicine? Is it really really possible that they dint realize how they are treating me???
    The complexes and negative part of me wonders - or is it that they are not jealous of us anymore since we are struggling with infertility and they have 2 awesome kids?

    Still this reinforces 2 of my theories :

    1) If someone cares about having you in their life , they will take a step forward when you take one back. If they dont , it means it was always and will be one sided.
    2) If you dont like how you are being treated, let it be known. Otherwise you are inviting more of the same.

    Thanks for reading
     
    Last edited: Oct 20, 2017
    Mehana, Thyagarajan and Sunshine04 like this.
    Loading...

  2. sindmani

    sindmani Platinum IL'ite

    Messages:
    1,561
    Likes Received:
    1,696
    Trophy Points:
    285
    Gender:
    Female
    Since ur co sis and bil are good to u now, u r cautiously optimistic, then Enjoy the phase. In Life we will face different phases is relationship with friends and relatives. On my life too my dynamics with in-laws changed to positive. I never expected this u turn in my life. I go with the flow. I am happy for u. Best wishes for all success.
     
    sheztheone, Amica, SGBV and 3 others like this.
  3. chocolate

    chocolate Platinum IL'ite

    Messages:
    2,327
    Likes Received:
    1,507
    Trophy Points:
    283
    Gender:
    Female
    Op, I wud be wary of BIL- Co sis. Be cordial. But watch your back too. Why the sudden closeness and BIL apologizing. ( From your BIL side). Your co sis is a big red sign of warning written all over her.

    My BIL was abusive when MIL fell sick first. Come second time , my Co sis apologized on his behalf. Why the sudden apology , they wanted hubby's signature on all property documents . I was wary of apology then too.

    BIL and cosis or SIL are two edged sword. You never know whats coming next. Too much sugar is always followed by what are they going to drop next on us.Good Luck.
     
    nakshatra1, sindmani and Meghaa like this.
  4. Sunshine04

    Sunshine04 Platinum IL'ite

    Messages:
    2,117
    Likes Received:
    2,685
    Trophy Points:
    283
    Gender:
    Female
    yes. stay cordial with them.
    co sis are always crooked
     
    CoolPie and Meghaa like this.
  5. Ineedhelp1

    Ineedhelp1 Bronze IL'ite

    Messages:
    35
    Likes Received:
    42
    Trophy Points:
    40
    Gender:
    Female
    Be careful, Of course you should let them know how you felt. There are few ways of it.

    Either sarcastic/funny way (I hate this part and I am very bad in it)

    Else straight forward. (I am very much straight forward, I feel it is easy). When you are being straight forward be careful to keep your voice low. Normally when talk out of our comfort zone our voice raise! People will easily blame "you are short tempered!" I try to tell, "I am angry because of bla bla bla reason”

    I didn't like it because of bla blaa bla reason “In a peaceful manner. I conveyed what I felt and realized what is the real situation is.

    Ignore. If you can do it, Then I will call you are the master. You be busy with your own life, your passion, your career don't have time to think and react to all other crap.

    Never ever expect people to take the same effort, action and concern which you are taking! Because they don't have your policy. They have different policy :)
     
  6. SGBV

    SGBV IL Hall of Fame

    Messages:
    5,781
    Likes Received:
    11,149
    Trophy Points:
    438
    Gender:
    Female
    Just be cordial... at the same time be vigilant.
    Don't be the bad evil in the eyes of our PILs, and H. Since they have come foreward with an apology, accept it wholeheartedly. But it doesn't mean you should forget the past and move afresh.
    Always keep your past as a lesson.
    You don't have to carry the grudge and pain in you all the time. It is none other than self punishment.
    Just enjoy this phase. Reciprocate to their love and affection.
    But always be vigilant.. Now, be extra vigilant
     
    shravs3, Meghaa, CoolPie and 2 others like this.
  7. justanothergirl

    justanothergirl IL Hall of Fame

    Messages:
    3,915
    Likes Received:
    7,187
    Trophy Points:
    408
    Gender:
    Female
    So its ok to pretend to extend an olive branch and then ignore them while they are ur guests @ ur party?
    So u invited them over to give them a taste of their own medicine ?
     
    Amica, CoolPie, Naari and 1 other person like this.
  8. Meghaa

    Meghaa Silver IL'ite

    Messages:
    319
    Likes Received:
    228
    Trophy Points:
    93
    Gender:
    Female
    Did I say it was ok? I said 'I am not proud of it'.
    But if you are asking if I did it intentionally - no I dint. But I just could not act like everything was normal.
    I dint ignore them - only followed basic courtesy.
     
  9. justanothergirl

    justanothergirl IL Hall of Fame

    Messages:
    3,915
    Likes Received:
    7,187
    Trophy Points:
    408
    Gender:
    Female
    A lot of us are not proud of our actions at some point in our lives including perhaps ur BIL and co-sis. Cut them the same slack and extend a genuine handshake while being on gaurd or make a clean break if u cannot get over past. Its ok to not want to maintain relationship with anyone at any point but one cannot indefinitely be uncertain about which camp they are in.
     
    Naari likes this.
  10. Meghaa

    Meghaa Silver IL'ite

    Messages:
    319
    Likes Received:
    228
    Trophy Points:
    93
    Gender:
    Female
    mmm that is what 'cautiously optimistic' means? Idk where your tone is coming from.. (indefinitely??) .. but anyhow, thanks for your time
     

Share This Page