Receiving, with gratitude!

[justify]My friend comes in, takes a look at the filled sink with to be cleaned dishes and begins to clean up even before sitting down. I tell her, "Listen A, that is the only chore left for the day and I will get to it". My friend only smiles and says "S, I know you and I know how much you dislike doing dishes. Look around you, everything in the house is clean but for this. Stop fighting me and let me help you." She is a good friend and we do spend a lot of time together, in each others' houses, always there for one another. And trust me, anyone who knows me even a little knows my dishwashing story! I concede and as she rinses, I load the dishwasher grateful for the help.

The snow has piled up like crazy, I drive my DS to his friend's birthday party. Trying to make some small talk, I tell the friend's parents that I need to head back home and get started with that shovelling. The man immediately offers help with "Oh please allow me to help you. Don't shovel. I will bring my snow blower and do it for you". They live a couple of streets away. I insist that it is okay I can do it and he insists too. I agree, hesitantly and wait for him to come. I see the amount of the ice on the drive way and I know that even with that blower it may not be easy. As I see him work that blower and yet not succeeding as much as easily, I walk up to him and say, "Oh please, I feel so bad. What ever you have done so far looks fantastic. That should be good and I don't even know how to pay you back!" He pauses and tells me with a broad smile "Why should you feel bad? I like doing this and guess what, I am good at it!" I concede and wait with a broad and somewhat a sheepish grin! He finishes and with a look of triumph with hands on his hips, declares "This is the 9th house for the day!" Yes, he has been helping many houses in the neighborhood since morning! I only feel uncomfortable that I put him to trouble for no reason!

As I give a friend a few things, who is super excited about her first ever trip to India, she insists I take something back in return. I hesitate, I insist that I need nothing back and that it is my pleasure. But she insists too with a "You are not good at taking, are you?" How can I be? Most of my life, I have been taught to give whenever I can with an emphasis on "Even your left hand should not know what your right hand is giving!" This accepting from others, especially when I have not asked is something I am still getting used to! That does not mean, I have never received. I have received more than I can ever express. Infact, I have been blessed with a good group of friends. I am so grateful for the wonderful people around me and I am always working at ways of helping them back!

I drop off my DD at her friend's birthday party and I get a call later in the evening that it is going to be a slumber party and if I am okay with it. I pack my DDs PJs and go to her friend's house to drop them off. Now the mom, is a very good friend of mine. This lovely lady gives what is called Amish friendship bread every year to all her friends in the neighborhood. It is almost a ritual and I have begun to look forward to eating that bread during the holiday season! This ritual of hers reminds me of our very own Sankranthi ritual where in we go giving the "ellu bella" to all our friends, neighbors and relatives!

This evening I know she is baking. As I am about to head out, she goes "Oh yeah, wait I have some starters for you!" Starters! I wait as she hands over a ziploc with what looks like a loose concoction of dough and an instruction sheet. She says, 'now go bake your own friendship bread'. I look at her in confusion and say "You know my history of baking don't you?" She smiles, infact laughs heartily and nods. It is an open joke in my neighborhood that inspite of having a good convection oven, I manage to even burn the cookies I am trying to bake! No one has ever been able to figure out how I can burn cookies with a store bought cookie dough. Even my other friend who wins ribbons and awards in almost all the fairs for her cakes and bakes has not been able to help me. She has figured out a different way though, she promptly brings in her baked goodies for me and the family.

With that track record, all I can do is just stay rooted with the dough in one hand and instruction sheet in the other! Baking from the scratch! No way, Jose! Well, my friend assures me "S, it is going to be fine. And I have given you so much dough that you will be able to bake quite a lot of bread and share it with your friends". The day so far has been sort of an emotional one. But, when she says that, some how finally it makes sense and I realize that instead of paying back to the same person, I should learn to pay forward. Perhaps, then I will learn to receive in gratitude![/justify]

 

Thank you VJB! Hope you had a better night today. I am glad when you were up you chose to read my thread here and in the gardening forum. I have been fortunate with good friends and like to remember what Dr.Dyer says about friends - that they are God's apology to our relatives. No, no I am not complaining about my relatives, only that since I live so far way I am happy to have this group of people around me. I do enjoy my relatives on trips to India!

 

Thank you dear Kamla and I am very happy to receive your feedback. Not that you have ever missed giving me a response, but there is some kind of joy in seeing you so early :bigrin2: Talkingof my friends, how can I ever discount the group of people I have met here. It is all mutual Kamla, it is all! I couldn't complain about it and this AMish bread making is quite strange....I am going to need all of 10days to have it ready. I am stressing out reminding myself that I need to look at that packet once a day and knead it but it is fun you know. Yes, my community is quite old school - it is either empty nesters or people like us so there seems to be some kind of unspoken reciprocity and we enjoy it! Despite the lousy weather, I can almost assure you that I have not missed any of my neighbours as far as catching up is concerned! And Kamla, thank you for your blessings. I need them and cherish every word. Thank you!

 

Dear racr,

what a delightful, 'I understand you' kind of reply! Thank you my friend. I am learning to ask for help and trust me it is not that bad and people also feel good to be in a position to help. It is all in the give and take! Only thing, none of us keep score. I have to confess, it is not me but the people around me that make all the difference and I am certainly grateful for that only hoping I am also making a difference.

Your wishes make perfect sense, in fact sounds so lovely that I have a big grin. Now I need to make sure that that dough rises as well as you seem to think, what with my baking skills! Which reminds me I need to text that friend to ask about what kind of flour to add now From the scratch bread, what was I thinking:confused2:?

 

It is nice to see you here. Thank you! What you say is absolutely true RGS. I am learning that accepting is as important as giving. There is no pride associated with either of the things and it should only be for the joy of it and that is what I am learning mostly. Thank you for your feedback.