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Re: Wife Walked Away Uninforming

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by shantisubra, Feb 9, 2008.

  1. shantisubra

    shantisubra Gold IL'ite

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    Dear Friends

    My husband's nephew's just close to completing 3 years of marriage (Feb 18th is the 3rd wedding anniversary) just walked off without informing him when he was away with his mother to do shopping for chocolates etc.

    It was a shocking news to all the family members. The boy is employed in a high post in an International bank in London living with his wife. As he was posted for 3 months in Chicago, USA he brought his mother to be with his wife who is also employed in an Investment Bank in London, she is an IIM graduate. As the mother i.e. my Sis in Law was to leave London in a couple of days time after completing 3 months, she went with her son for shopping on a Sunday. The DiL went to Gym at the same time. By the time the SiL and her son returned home, the DiL was not found. They were waiting for her for long time at home. But until by evening she did not return.

    Meanwhile, they got a call from India from the boy's father (who is a highly placed CA in Delhi) stating that the girl's father (working in RBI, Mumbai) that his daughter has left her home and husband and will not return back and not to find for her and kept the phone which he informed his son and wife to their total shock. When they checked the almirah, they found that the girl took all her jewels leaving behind the ones that were given to her by her in laws and her bank pass book, passport with her clothes.

    The boy tried to contact his wife through emails, she was not responding. when he checked at her office, they said she is on a 3 weeks off. After numerous emails, she has responded which looks like from an MTNL connection, means that she is in India. The parents of the girl not talking nor taking any steps to pacify the misunderstandings. She has some complaints against the In Laws and husband.

    In fact they both stay alone after wedding. In-laws visit once in a while only. She does not want to leave her job also. We have many times talked on Google talk and she always sounded very sweet only.

    CAN SOMEBODY ENLIGHTEN WHAT COULD HAVE BEEN GONE WRONG AND WHY SHE WALKED OFF AND HOW THIS CAN BE SORTED OUT - POSITIVELY OR HOW ELSE?

    Thanks for your reading above and looking forward to receive your views.

    Warm Regards
    Shanti Subramanian
    9-2-2008
     
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  2. Jananikrithsan

    Jananikrithsan Gold IL'ite

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    Dear Shanti,
    It is very shocking to know the way your nephew's wife walked out on him. If they can they should contact her parents and find out if they had any idea, they did I guess. Arguements with her hubby could also have led to this, if it was a huge tiff over something. Find out from her colleagues at office if she was doing fine there or seemed tense or subdued. How was her relation with her in-laws, because when they are used to living alone then they do not like anyone around at times. Did she have a financial issue with her husband or something? Considering the fact that she was earning, did she get to do what she wanted with her money?
    I think the whole act was planned because she went away taking all her belongings and has no plans to return at least to her hubby cos at work she is on leave. Will post when I can think of other reasons for this sudden move.
     
  3. ansh12

    ansh12 Bronze IL'ite

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    Hi Shanthi

    I am sorry to hear to hear what your family is going thorugh. What could have gone wrong would be anybodies guess.

    What I strongly feel is that what ever has happened is becuase of the breakdown in communication between the two. There might have been something brewing between the two since long. Such decisions to walk out are not taken in a jiffy.

    Either she was upset over somethinng which the husband might have ignored,or might not have understood or might have felt that it will get resolved with time.

    From my personal experience I can say that certain things should be talked between husband and wife. Even, if it means shouting at each other at times, instead of leaving them for the time to resolve or ignoring them by burying head in sand.

    What I can suggest is that husband should approach the wife in India and should ask her the reason for her behaviour. Nobody else should come between the two. I am not saying what she has done is right, but since she has not behaved rationally, other spouse has to show more rationality and sensibility if the matter is to be resolved.

    Let him not lose his cool and talk to her, listen to her and ask her to listen to his point of view. This will surely give him the picture about what went wrong and whether the girl in question wants to come back to him. if the matter is such that she is not at all ready to stay in marriage, the, divorce by mutual consent is the option, as there is no point in dragging the marriage in which there is no respect and love.


    Best wishes
    Ansh12
     
  4. Aarushi

    Aarushi Platinum IL'ite

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    Hi Shanthi,

    Sorry to hear about your nephew's marriage problems.

    However, I have a feeling that her husband (your nephew) and her MIL (your SIL) are very much aware of what went wrong and what are the reasons for her walking off. Maybe they just did not expect her to take such a step??!!

    You have said that "She has some complaints against the In Laws and husband. " Could you write a little bit about what these were...because I think that if you really want to know the real reason you need to further look into what the wife has said...

    hope things work out for both your nephew and his wife...

    love,
    Aarushi
     
  5. shantisubra

    shantisubra Gold IL'ite

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    Dear Janani, Ansh and Aarushi

    I thank you all for your opinions, suggestions and solutions. Very consoling.

    But we are still not fully aware of what prompted her to take such unexpected step. We are unable to ask the husband or the MiL as we find it very intruding or not to flare up by putting "fuel into fire". The FiL and the wife's father are going to talk this week and check her intentions.

    From our side, we are still in shock as we have all attended their wedding in Chennai and the reception was conducted in a grand manner in Delhi attended by so many. What is the meaning for all these? Whatever happens, Marriage is an institution and the girl cannot walk out just like that we feel. If she has any qualms she could have explained and left after informing the husband. To the best of our knowledge, the husband is a very good person by heart and the FiL, MiL and the BiL are educated, nice persons, definitely not cruel minded ones. Nobody has tolerance these days.

    God bless you all.

    Warm Regards
    Shanti
     
  6. drjp

    drjp Senior IL'ite

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    Sorry to know what is happening in your family.
    Here are my two cents:
    I can only think of two reasons that would make a career oriented girl to just drop everything and leave:
    1) Her husband is absolutely disrespectfull of her (either career or personality or family).

    2) She has other plans for her future that her husband does not or cannot agree with.
    In either case, if your nephew wants to live with her he should go to India and talk to her personally.
     
  7. Mythraeyi

    Mythraeyi Silver IL'ite

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    Hi Shanti,

    I am sorry to read about this - it must be certainly a hard time for your family. It would be best for the two families to meet and sort it out. Whatever the issues it is irresponsible of her to walk out just like that. however, such instances are not uncommon. One of my hubby's friends is going thru the same thing. His wife found a job in NY and went away and then stopped taking his phone calls, not visiting etc. then one day her dad calls and says she is not interested any more and wants a divorce!! hope your nephew's family can resolve this issue one way or another and move on.
     
  8. shantisubra

    shantisubra Gold IL'ite

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    Hi Maithreyi and drjp

    Thanks for your kind replies.

    We spoke to the husband (my dh's nephew) of the runaway wife. He said that until the previous night i.e. 5th Jan there was no problem et al!!!!!!!!! In fact, he has sent emails many a times "telling her that whatever her problems, let us resolve", we will meet. She is either replying negative, or not replying. He understood that she was on a 3 week off and has joined back too. He tried to contact her at her work place and went there. But she was not ready to meet him and refused to come out. How long this poor man can wait for her. There was no major misunderstanding to their knowledge had taken place, except few normal arguements that happen in every second home............................

    The parents of the girl also don't seem to bothered et al surprisingly:idea. They too not taking the phone calls, the boys father visited the home, but they did not open the door also.

    From the conversation, we understood that she was not interested to start any family and was against it.

    But whatever it is, how can a married lady just like that walk off and nullify the solemnization without thinking the bad effects on her siblings. She has a younger sister and a younger brother.

    Now my SiL and family are checking on the next steps of action as to how to go about.

    Warm Regards
    Shanti
     
  9. roopadadia

    roopadadia Silver IL'ite

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    Hi Shanti,

    From your last response, i feel that the DIL is more career oriented than family oriented.

    Also, this seemed to be a planned move. If she has called from India then i am sure she must have involved her parents and they must have given their consent.

    Also, you have mentioned that she has taken her belongings and nothing that was given to her from here...so she is not after her spouse's money.

    I think only the couple can really say what went wrong...as what happened between them remains with them as they were living alone.

    So just wait and watch...and hope for the best.

    Roopa.
     

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