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Re Marriage Between Indian Born And American Born People

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by Reena26, Dec 12, 2021.

  1. Reena26

    Reena26 Bronze IL'ite

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    This is following on from a previous thread. The culture does not matter. I am married to an Indian born and I am brought up in a Western Country. Quite frankly I was a domestic violence victim at the hands of my in-laws who visited here. Even though they are not citizens. And my spouse is in a profession such as his job is to save lives I.e a physician. But to them it was all about money, greed, power , social status, “after marriage dowry”..the mentality and planning of my mother in law who has never worked or seen money. They wanted to quickly retire and sit down on my husband.I had to fight and fight for our marriage. It took a legal step to make him finally change. It has stopped everything. I have had no contact with his parents in 4 years. They won’t be coming back here. I am raising my son as American whereby he has been taught American pride and values of respect and tolerance for all and hard and productive work. Regardless, we are all born free and nobody can control anybody. As per UN declaration of Human Rights. Also..In all Developed countries..don’t know about developing..forced servitude is illegal. If done in a vehicle I.e forced to drive in-laws around ..like a driver ..results in loss of drivers license. People don’t realize. To serve somebody is to say you are inferior to somebody. Like a servant. It’s not humane. These crazy people who are so much lazy even wanted to manipulate their grandchild into serving them by claiming they are dependent. Child labor. It’s sickening.
     
    Last edited: Dec 12, 2021
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  2. Reena26

    Reena26 Bronze IL'ite

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    People forget to separate Culture from Law. Satyameva Jayate - that’s the National motto of India. The truth alone I.e the law triumphs. I just want to give hope to all the ladies in hard situations. The patriarchy and elders respect is just a way for them to throw tantrums to get what they want. The actual Indian culture is Vasudhaiva katumbakum - respect all humans. The Upanishads tells what the real culture is.
     
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  3. Rihana

    Rihana Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

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    Your in-laws ill-treated you in your own home. They tried to control you and brought so much trouble in your life and marriage. You had to fight really hard to get back peace and normalcy. That must have been tough. When you think about it, the hurt and pain burst forth in words tumbling over each other. But, try to be a bit more focused in what you say to others.

    Don't bring in things like MIL never worked, never saw money, not US citizens. Don't call grandparents treatment of grandchild as child labor. Don't diss an entire nation (India) and its values. Don't overdo the praise of American values "pride and values of respect and tolerance for all and hard and productive work." The last few years have shown us how tolerant America really is.

    Talking about your struggles and the injustices meted out to you is a skill. You have to be careful not to bring in "extra" material as that will distract from the main message.
     
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  4. Reena26

    Reena26 Bronze IL'ite

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    understood..just know in other parts of this forum such as issues with in-laws there are many ladies struggling with this same issue and similar things happening. Each persons journey is different. All I feel is that humanity is most important than culture. If this upsets anybody I apologize. Maybe it’s the wrong board to post on.
     
  5. SuiDhaaga

    SuiDhaaga Platinum IL'ite

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    @Reena26 yiu are dealing with a lot of pain.

    We can only pray to God that He washes away our tears, sadness and hurt.

    Oerhaps God will give us something in life to realize the nonsense was just a side show, a distraction fir what your heart truly desires.

    We see happy stories from @nuss and @BhumiBabe to know we can get out of this sad (yes sad, because sadness makes us cry, makes us disappointed, makes us angry) rut.
     
  6. Reena26

    Reena26 Bronze IL'ite

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    Oh no! Not at all. I am only responsible for my happiness. I was strong enough to fight back. I have my beliefs but I am not a person who forces my beliefs onto others. It is more so to give hope to others in this situation. I see a lot of beauty in Indian values that sometimes are forgotten by the people who use position and power in marriage to hurt others. As I mentioned before - each has their own journey. If you don’t live with somebody you are not in a position to judge them.
     
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  7. Reena26

    Reena26 Bronze IL'ite

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  8. SuiDhaaga

    SuiDhaaga Platinum IL'ite

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    Its just that you posted a lot, and it reminded me of me.

    I still get twangs of sadness and want to write and write.

    You are right, there is beauty in Indian values (they get misused, esp in Holy Matrimony)

    You are right, we are all responsible for our happiness. I feel weak so I ask God for help (we're all at different parts of our journey)
     

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