Rajnikant for President

Now a lot of brainstorming and headbanging is going on over who will be the next president of Mera Bharat Mahaan. But some people wonder what is such a big ado about nothing. . After all , it is the easiest job in the country and any person who can sign on the dotted line can do it. Even if we have an illiterate in the Rashtrapati Bhavan he/she can put a thumb impression on the laws to give them the presidential approval.

So why not do away with the office altogether? This is the question some people have raised. That's rubbish. The president's office provides employment to a whole lot of people apart from the president. There are the bodyguards, the ADcs , the entire presidential secretariat, cleaners, cooks launderers (I mean those who wash clothes and not money launderers). So where will the poor chaps go? We just cannot do away with such an office.

The president is also a great means of curing insomnia. If you are suffering from sleeplessness , just record the Independence Day eve address to the nation or the inaugural address to the budget session of parliament of any president and play it and you will sleep in a way that would make Rip van Winkle rip off his beard in sheer envy and desperation.

To silence all those malicious chaps who want to put an end to the very office of president and add to the roster of unemployed in the country we need to add a bit of zing to the office. No that cannot be added by making the president take bath in lemon juice infused water. It can be done only by having real interesting chaps in Rashtrapati Bhavan. who can provide non-stop entertainment to the public.

Ansari, Pranab, Kalam? Forget ''em, A low key guy like Vicde President Ansari will have to make a real effort to entertain the people.Pranab Mukherjee is the perfect insomnia cure material but has zero talent for regaling the nation.

Someone suggested Shahrukh Khan but that guy's skills are restricted to acting and even that is a very limited talent. His repertoire is limited to some variations of laughter, which range from short giggles. to his signature heehee haahaa hehheh routine. Instead of Shahrukh we can have a hyena in the president's office. I am sure the hyena can be trained to put its paw impression on laws tpassed.by parliament. Morever that would delight animal lovers. How do you like this idea Maneka Gandhi?

Shahrukh, therefore is a strict no no. But don't be despodent, All we have to do is to leave bollywood and move southward for the right candidate.

Who would be a better candidate for the job than Rajnikant. He will add a lot of panache to a job that involves just signing wherever the government wants you to put your initials. And boy, what a grand spectacle the signing bit will become.

As soon as the file arrives at his table, the president will pick it up and hurl it in the air and it will return to him boomerang like with the page where the signature is required opening on its own and fall on the table. The president will then lift his pen, throw it in the air, catch it again and sign the file with a flourish to the thunderous claps of his millions of fans who will be watching it live on TV. In fact , the exclusive right to telecast the signing ceremony can be auctioned for a hefty fee to private TV channels bringing considerable revenue to the government. (Of course, scams relating to some channels being favoured for kickbacks certainly will be there.,They are part and parcel of the entertainment package).

And yes, money can be saved on security. In fact security can be dispensed with totally,The president's bodyguards can be deployed elsewhere., say on the country's borders. No terrorist can harm this prez.He can take on a whole army of them single handedly.. He'll catch their bullets and hurl them back, killing them instantaneously. Do you think even the most suicidal of terrorists would dare to go near the Rashtrapati Bhavan when Thalaivar (Leader for the Tamil Challenged) is the president.

Even his addresses to the nation can be written by film dialogue writers and peppered with his usual one liners keeping the entire country in splits forgetting all its problems like poverty, corruption etc. He is the ideal solution to the Anna Hazare menace. With him providing entertainment the year round, no one is going to notice hapless Hazare's threats to on a fast at Jantar Mantar against corruption.

Of course, there will be minor hitches. Because after signing his first bill, it is quite likely that Rajni will refuse to sign the next 99 and utter a new version of his famous dialogueL "Naan oru thadavai sign pannina nooru thadava sign pannina madiri (If I hae signed once it is like I have signed 100 times). But these are minor hiccups and I am sure a solution can be found for them.

So leaders plaguing all the sides of the political spectrum, what are you waiting for? Stop suabbling over who should become the country's most expensive rubber stamp and unanimously declare that you are backing Rajnikant for president. .That is the best way to give a kiss of life to the dull environs of Rashtrapati Bhavan. Yenna rascals, are you game?

 

Mega I don't remember the time when the country boasted of scrupulously clean politicians. That must have been during the Jurassic or Triassic periods. Thanks for the nomination.

 

Kanaka thanks for the visit.

 

Mindi, playing the role of a rubber stamp will be the pinnacle of Rajni's acting career. May be they should give him an Oscar for it.