Do you ever feel like DH is just another child you have to raise? Life makes so much more sense if I pretend DH is my 3rd kid, and he is the most troublesome, demanding kid So DH is out of town and I have such an amazing system with the kids. I come home from work and make dinner . Kids hang out and chat in the kitchen while I cook. We all eat at 6. Kids do homework 7-8. We play/read/shlokha etc and then kids are in bed by 9. I check email / watch TV and go to bed by 10!!!! It’s the dream life When Dh is in town, while I am making dinner DH will call 10 times and change the menu. He will never decide what he wants to eat earlier because ‘how can he know what he feels like eating unless he is feeling it’. So dinner will be delayed , DH will come home and declare he is starving, eat a bunch of snacks while I am cooking or eat while things are half cooked at the kitchen counter. Kids will start wandering about because no one is paying attention to them By the time I get DH settled after dinner it’s 7:30. I will get the kids ready for homework. DH will disappear to do his own stuff - email / TV etc. kids will hear dad on TV and want to watch too so I have to fight with dH to reduce volume etc. By the time kids are in bed its 9:30 I am tired. Now DH will want to ‘hang out’ with me which is code for ‘ provide an accounting of what errands I have done eg laundry etc, what work we have to do in the weekend eg: clean garage etc) if I refuse he gets mad that I only want to hang out with kids. By the time we finish talking/fighting its 11 and all I want to do is sleep and DH gets upset I don’t want to be intimate with him. When I am reading a book to the kids at bed time DH will keep asking why I am reading for so long, can’t they read by themselves etc because DH is bored. Even when I am in the shower DH will knock every 2 min to ask if I am done !!! Really?? But if I assume DH is a 3rd child this all makes so much more sense!!! Anyway just ranting
Another perspective here : I am going to ignore the changing menu while not helping with cooking or looking after / reading to kids . Barring that it seems like your husband loves to spend time with you. It seems to me the spark in the marriage is still intact. So keep it going .
He wants you to spend time for him. He loves you and this is more important than anything else. Have you talked to him that it takes more time to prepare dinner if he keeps changing his mind? Assure him you too would love to spend some quality time with him but it's only possible if all work are done early and kids go to bed early. So you need his cooperation.
Thanks ladies! I know this way better than some of the situations on here. I am thankful DH wants/needs me. In the first few years of marriage DH was so aloof and uninvolved. It took us a long time to get here. The changing menu is DH’s way of assuring himself he is still important to me : he is basically having sibling rivalry with his own kids haha . He even told the kids one time ‘mommy will only make what I want to eat’ This was more of a reflection on the techniques we adopt to cope with our crazy lives
Touch wood. Lucky you. Except the menu changing thing, your husband is not behaving as normal indian husband. In a way, husband demanding like child from a wife is a symbol of how important she is in his life. Many men never discuss or ask plans for the weekend. Enjoy the moment.
haha..dear OP, For a moment i thought i was reading my own story here! yeah, things make more sense if i think that my husband is another child. I used to crib and feel bad about it but later after reading lot of problems faced by fellow ilites here i started thinking maybe i should just thank my lucky stars. I know at times it feels overwhelming but enjoy the attention. though stressful at times, try and involve yourself in things willingly in stuff and you will feel the underlying love!
your situation is cute. once kids are middle school, they will be in their own world. will talk to parent less too. you can see the patterns here in IL, most of the IL kids are grown and busy and then ILs feel the loneliness hitting hard when their DH is aloof and not caring. your DH is next to best friend then . enjoy pampering and i assume he is doing the same from his side too.
