RAGE OF ANGELS “Mothers are as capable as anyone, of feeling anger, aggression or ambivalence and they often feel it towards their own children or project it on them” Meg Eastman Ph.D Every one takes it for granted that a mother has to be a personification of compassion, patience and continuous love and every other positive emotion. But the fact is, A mother is a ‘woman’ too and every woman has “her own hot buttons”. Understanding why she gets angry is an important step in coping with the disturbing emotions. It is okay to get angry, as long as she handles her feelings safely and effectively. Some women as mothers can handle being over worked and under thanked but most women crack under them, and when a woman is resentful or feels taken advantage of, it has an effect on their entire family. Her aggressive behavior, repression, depression and regular out bursts can scar the family’s psyche on the whole “We are each of us angels with only one wing. And we can only fly embracing each other” goes a wise saying. It is more so in case of a family, where woman is working, and is a mother, and is the caretaker and her spouse hardly shares her domestic problems. From where can she get the support to feel free and contented?! It is the basic requirement of a man before being called “head of the family” to know the emotional, physical, social and financial needs of a woman and also to fulfill them and then think of starting a family. Here we are not talking about “unreasonable demands of women”. Some women may want “a hug, a pat on the back from people who refuse to give because they are insensitive to her. Instead of getting angry or frustrated, a woman should let others know her needs by voicing them verbally, for, no crystal ball or sooth saying can convey her message to others. Once a woman’s emotional needs are fulfilled by an understanding partner “she will begin to add meaning to life, sparkle to her existence and color to the ordinary moments of mundane life”. When a pebble is dropped into a pool and ripples are formed outwardly so also the joy of a woman spreads all around. Her children will receive her natural, spontaneous affection and she will not be left as a “guilty mother”, who feels dejected and blue for having shown her resentment on her children who don’t deserve it at all. Occasional out bursts which every one experiences are okay, but continuous anger will result in a very hard personality pattern, which is harder to undo. When a woman feels that she is falling into the vicious cycle of ‘anger –resentment –guilt she should act immediately. Particularly, women who compulsively care for everyone’s needs, but martyrs her own will feel victimized and this act of ‘constant giving’ without joy or acknowledgement from loved ones can bring in total psychological bankruptcy. She becomes an angry wife, an angry mother, and an angry woman totally. For a docile, harmony loving woman to become angry, she expends her nervous energy fully and she is drawn into angry mode still further. Children accept an angry father more easily than an angry mother. To save children from the trauma of feeling neglected and constantly being shouted at, woman should try to channelize her ‘justified anger (?)’ to alter the situations which make her angry. Some important points a woman should remember: [a] Her children are not her punch bags. She need not structure her time to meet the need of everyone and feel suffocated for lack of breathing space. [c] She need not believe that she is a super woman who is expected to be perfect at every thing. [d] She should ‘ask for’, or ‘demand’ and accept help, it is not demeaning. [e] She should learn to gather good feelings about herself. Best antidote for rage is feelings of self worth. When she takes a well deserved break she should not feel guilty but should feel “ why not, I deserve it!”. Unwinding and giving vent to bottled up feelings will definitely help in not getting angry unnecessarily and unprovoked. A holistic approach towards gaining a balanced temperament is essential by practicing yoga, reiki, or pranic healing. Family counselor can unburden the troubled minds with guidance and help, if sought without inhibitions. A woman, for that matter a man also, should realize that life is mutually giving and receiving, without exploitation, and in that continuous process, there is no place for unreasonable, unjustified, maligning ANGER……….