R. Sridharan analyses a violent student !

Thanks, My Dear PRO!

Dear Chitra,
We have a strange phenomenon here. It's usually the great celebrities who have PROs. But I am greater than all of them because I have a celebrity herself as a PRO. I presume the post is honorary, if not very honorable. ha ha ha.
Now about the story. First things first. I beleive in the strongest code of morality. But our morality laws were made in those days where lesbians and homosexuals were not there or were not properly understood. I feel that the homosexuals deserve our understanding more than our sympathy. We would be letting them down if we treat that phenomenon as a disease.
I remember those years where left-handedness was thought of as a disease to be cured, even if necessary by brutal force. The world has lost so many geniuses because of that.
Let's not repeat that attitude to lesbians and homos.
When I wrote this story I was walking a very tight rope. One wrong step and the story would acquire pornographic character and drift away from the mainstream.
Thanks Chitra for appreciating the story, and more importantly its theme.
Let's start discussing the theme and when the discussion is at its peak, I'll post the story.
regards,
sridhar

 

and at last!

Dear Sridhar,

Congrats on the story. And thanks to Mrs Chithra for bringing our attention to this.

More so, Sridhar, congrats on bringing the subject of same sex relationships to discussion in Indusladies, it was much overdue. I made a fleeting reference to this in Nitu's 'Sex is Fun' thread, but did not want to push it further. But coming from a seasoned person and writer like you, with your heart in its right place, I am sure we can now have a healthy discussion on this.

I am all for tolerating same sex relationships. I feel that they should be given almost all the same legal and civic rights and previliges offered to hetero couples. In that matter, I am very proud that The Netherlands has extended almost all rights equally to both set of couples. They are allowed to marry, adopt, make crucial health decisions for medically incompetant partners- do everything. The Dutch have a saying, 'we say yes to everything' and this is one of the matters that they say 'yes' to emphatically.

My neighbours are lesbians. There were some eyebrows raised when they moved into a neighbouhood with a strong population of little children. Over the months, the ladies have enriched our community beyond imagination. And everytime, I have a crisis, they are the first persons, I turn to for help.

Keep this discussion rolling and Sridhar, may you be blessed for bringing this.

regards
Vidya

 

High Time We Discuss This!

Dear Vidya,
I remember having a heated discussion with my friends after seeing Deepa Metha's film Fire.
Many of my friends were simply aghast at the "grave situation" and the "ghastly sense of morality" portrayed in the film.
I told them clearly that any day two ladies having a sexual relationship is far better than a man marrying two women or a woman having a paramour.
And then I had a very delicate discussion with my daughter when she had to take part in a debate about lesbianism. Her college is an orthodox institution and they could not tolerate such things. But my daughter and her friend took the side of lesbians.
Lesbianism is just a sex orientation something different like being left handed or having a sixth finger in one's hand. It does not harm the society or the individual in any way.
Then why does the society oppose it, while it happily tolerates drug addicts, persons visiting the brothels etc.? I think the society is basically afraid. As my editor friend once remarked that if you allow even one instance of lesbianism it means that two women will not be available for men. That sort of puts men under pressure and a chauvinistic society just shuns it.
I have created a character in this story (Counsellor Sharada) who nabs a teacher who has invited a girl student for a sexual relationship. When the girl's mother is furious about it, the Counsellor simply says,
"What will you do if you find out your girl is a lesbian? Will you shout at her, or abandon her? " (not an exact quote; will post the story soon)
The first thing we need to do is avoid seeing lesbians as abnormal persons, or weirdos or persons afflicted with a dreadful disease.
I think I have talked much, as usual. Let us hear what other ILites have to say on this.
regards,
sridhar

 

Hello Everyone,

I peronally feel there is nothing to talk or tom tom about this....here inthis country, everyone accepts these relationships as a normal thing. I guess in India we are still not that far ahead. But there is alot of awareness and as long as it is not misused or abused and the youngsters are aware of these kind of relationsips and get into them willingly, it should be accepted and not gossiped about...which is usually the tendency! But in India even a love marriage is not yet accepted so much, so....Well, to have a normal marriage relationships , when permission is needed and acceptance, then we do have a long way to go!
As for the tolerance to drug addiction or men visiting brothels, as long as one is not personally affected, we do tend to ignore them as part of the abnormalities of life. If we develop the same tolerance then it should be okay in these situations also. But in India this revolution will also take place ,but slowy only....after all we do tend to follow the west in every way.....it will happen!

 

And I talk a lot....!!!

Just as I was waxing eloquent about Sridhar’s story writing prowess in the other thread, here comes another one from his bottomless magic chest!
Wow, I would never have guessed that V. Rengasamy of Madurai would tackle a subject on homosexuality and lesbians. But then, that makes me the one who is sitting in a room with no windows!
Like Sudha and Vidya have mentioned, living in the west, we are more exposed to this rapid growing trend in these countries. India too is going through its changes and what once was under wraps is now slowly coming out. In Germany for eg, people are opting out of marriages and have their babies as and when they want. Single parent family is nothing unusual. NOTHING is a taboo. So also Homosexuality and Lesbianism.
A well married and settled friend of mine with three kids, one day, gave it all up and opted to move in with a woman friend of her’s. Her husband went into pieces trying to get his life together. Both my daughters have close friends, boys, who are homosexuals and we have seen how they slowly revealed this and ‘came out’. I know both these boys personally. My heart broke when I realized about my older daughter’s classmate, he was the only son of his affluent parents and his whole family went through a huge heart wrenching period. Ofcourse, they then came to terms with it.
The question here is not the morality of it all or if it is a good or a bad thing. No matter what, it is not the ‘norm’ and it demands a lot of adjustment from the person involved, his family and friends. In that sense, it is like dealing with a health problem. It is better that everyone involved make least fuss about it and not abhor the person with tendencies that may seem strange to us, but natural to him/her.
Yes, tolerance is the word. It is a word which is almost holy to me. Tolerance of not only about the sexuality of a person, but also about the color, creed and religion. We are in a hurry to label a woman ‘fast’ if seen with men friends, how and when are we going to be ready to see her set up a house with another wo”man”..I wonder! Also, it is easy to be large hearted when it is happening to someone else. BUT, if it were to happen within the family, how ready are we to accept?!
It is simply not a ‘Perfect’ world as yet, no, not in my view friends.


L, Kamla

 

Sudha and Kamla, I am Proud of You!

Dear Sudha and Kamla,
I am very proud of you. I know both of you are very strongly rooted in Indian culture. But you did not allow those roots to petrify and make you bigots. Both of you have displayed not only tolerance but also compassion towards same sex relationships. After all compassion is at the root of the indian culture.
And those of us who oppose such phenomenon suffer from poor understanding. That's all. A few years back same-sex relationships were viewed as perversion or some abnormality to be treated. But today I think those who think that lesbianism is perversion, need psychiatric treatment.
When we think of same-sex partners we somehow tend to think that they will be indulging in sex throughout the day and would have nothing else to do. That makes others think that they are perverts. But do we, hetrosexuals, indulge in it for the whole day? But somewhere we don't treat those people like we treat ourselves. We can't even imagine that these people have normal lives, financial problems, career problems and the day to day pains which we all have.

That's why I had a line in the story where the counsellor asks the person who is against lesbianism, "If your daughter is a lesbian, how will you treat her?"

If you ask me plainly I would prefer talking to a lesbian or a homosexual, than a person who has two wives or a woman who has an affair on the side.

Kamla you said "tolerance" is the word. But even that word suggests a mild holier than thou attitude and that lesbianism is something to be tolerated. I would rather say it is something which begs our understanding.

Let me repeat, I am very proud of you, ladies.
regards,
sridhar

 

The thoughtful writer!

Sridhar,

True, 'tolerance' may not be the apt word. Only the discerning writer in you could have noticed it immediately. It does sound patronising in this context.
I don't know how proud you can be of me. I too had my misgivings in the beginning.
As the society in general frowns upon such sexual tendencies, unfortunately homos and lesbians tend to be somewhat secretive about their behaviour and this in turn breeds unsavoury characters and happenings. It is a vicious circle.

L, Kamla

 

I didn't mean to correct, Kamla...

I didn't mean to correct. But I was just thinking aloud whether tolerance would give us a mild sense of one-upmanship which the word understanding would not give.

Now coming to the second part I'll give you a very tragic incident in this regard. My family friend's daughter got married to a handsome software engineer. The marriage was celebrated with pomp and glory.
But sadly the marriage was not consummated. Further enquires revealed that the boy was a homo. He confessed that to his parents who would not "bear to hear such perverted nonsense." Result a forced marriage in which a girl's life was sacrificed. Had the parents been understanding enough the tragedy would have been averted.

thanks for the very active participation, Kamla.
regards,
sridhar