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Question For Those Who Have Lived In India And Usa

Discussion in 'Relationship With In-Laws' started by Reena26, Dec 16, 2020.

  1. Reena26

    Reena26 Senior IL'ite

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    The Mentality of Indian Parents versus Parents in the West. The Indian parents see their children as a product for their self esteem. Their children’s success is their success. When their kids become Doctors or Engineers - they give themselves the credit not their kids. In the West - Indian parents also sacrifice a lot too. But I never hear them talking about how much they have done for their kids. Their self esteem is tied to their own individual success and the kids success is their own. Are Indian parents wrong that they want to benefit from their kids education? If the son comes to the USA but the parents did not pay anything for their education because they were smart. In India you get into Medical school right out of High School. In America you have to do 4 years of College first. So we feel that Indian parents get to come to America for free without doing anything. Mine don’t drive or speak English and expect in America the kids should do everything due to the caste system of low dignity in labor work. But we in America have to do it as we live here? My son is born here and only sees the US system that is not like that. He has only seen what my husband and I have done for him. His grandparents have never done anything for him. So then is it ok for them to come from India and preach their values and thinking about what they did in front of my American son? Can I use that as an excuse to tell them they are wrong. That their son may recognize them but mine does not? They are still emotionally blackmailing from India. Is there any wrong or right or just a culture difference?
     
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  2. Reena26

    Reena26 Senior IL'ite

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  3. Hopikrishnan

    Hopikrishnan Platinum IL'ite

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    Use google to learn about the world of parents.

    The High Price of Parental Guilt Trips | Psychology Today
    www.psychologytoday.com › between-the-generations

    Sep 23, 2020 — Across cultures, genders, and religions, my clients speak about guilt as ... Parents who use guilt to increase contact with adult children may feel ...
    Missing: country ‎| Must include: country

    5 reasons why being in a Chinese family is murder & ways to ...
    bettymingliu.com › 2015/08 › 5-reasons-why-being-in-...

    Aug 1, 2015 — The professional articles I'm reading also point to a culture gap ... Still, parents in both countries said they wanted to raise moral kids who told ... I have great childhood memories of delicious family meals in Chinatown. ... up on my parents' path regardless of how much coercing, guilt tripping, blackmail, etc.

    Guilt - Modern Latina
    modernlatina.com › Healthy Living

    Jun 15, 2010 — GUILT. I feel this emotion often in my life. A lot of it has to do with my being ... Many Latino parents lay it on thick as a way of controlling and ... pass on to my kids, like a tradition, or like a recipe for posole or tamales. It's just part of our culture. ... side of the country, where my husband received a great job offer.
     
  4. DKI

    DKI Platinum IL'ite

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    Believe me, I have met several parents in the US who have the same mentality. Know of one man whose father in India retired the day after he got a job. This guy is waiting 5 years because in 5 years his son will finish college - so he plans to retire. So it is not Indian vs. Indians in US. it is just the mentality of parents. There are super broad minded ones in India and the opposite here too.
     
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  5. Reena26

    Reena26 Senior IL'ite

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    Agreed - it’s the nature. Not the culture. The concept of “respect for elders” can be used by elders to do good or bad things. Here we respect our elders based on their behaviour/actions not their years on earth. I agree. If I am abusive to my son - even verbally. He is not required to just respect me because I am “elder”. I can get my point across by explaining to him why he should do things to be a good human. That requires patience, time and live. “Because I said so” requires no effort.
     
  6. Reena26

    Reena26 Senior IL'ite

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