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Pz..help me out...Pz

Discussion in 'Relationship With In-Laws' started by tanu khurana, Apr 22, 2010.

  1. tanu khurana

    tanu khurana Bronze IL'ite

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    hello all IL's,
    I need ur opinion in dis regard.. i got tired of all dis in my lif.. its been 4 years of my luv marg.. hav a kid 1 yr old..... my MIL used to criticse my everythng and taunt me alws on each 1 of thing ..(she used to run home.. we give her money fr dat)....but in frnt of my hubby she shows hw much she lov me and do work fr d family.. she keep on sleeping and whn my hubby car comes she get up and start doind thngs in kitchn...whn i told abt all dis to my hubby he dnt belive me at all and says pz dnt lie to me or start fighting with me .. he didnt wants to listn any bad thng abt his mom.. it hurts so badly.. iam so emotional hurt.. pz help me out for dis?/pzzzzzzzzz
     
  2. monita

    monita Platinum IL'ite

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    Hi Tanu,
    your problem is one that most DILs face. It is quite frustrating to experience this kind of behaviour day in and day out.
    You say when you complain to your husband, he doesn't believe you. So first thing stop complaining.
    Second thing, ignore what your MIL is doing. Concentrate on your husband.when your husband comes home let your MIL go into the kitchen and you go to the front door to welcome hubby dear. Ask him about his day, tell some good things about yours.
    While your MIL is sleeping, you can prepare something really nice for your husband and invite your MIL to share. Make a huge show of how much you care about her. Even if it's your MIL who does the cooking, be the first to serve to your DH.

    Tanu, your marriage is still very young.It took me 10 years to get my husband to treat me even fairly.
     
  3. ShilpaMa

    ShilpaMa IL Hall of Fame

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    Tanu, you have the best actor at home.. your MIL... you need to learn her tactics & bring them in life to deal with the son and house she's brought up all this while.

    Most of the son's are not ready to hear truth abu their family & this is basic thumb rule, either you sugar coat and put it across or gulp it down as a bitter gourd juice its all upto you.
     
  4. shrutidunwoody

    shrutidunwoody Bronze IL'ite

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    When your mil behaves good to you in front of your dh, you also behave good with her. If she pretends to cook in the kitchen, when your dh arrives, dont complain to him but tell your dh in a diplomatic way that see your mother is so sweet ,the moment she saw you coming , she immediately went to the kitchen. Please tell your mother not to do this. Tell him that you are not a king or something that your mother has work in the kitchen as soon as she sees you.Talk in a joking manner. Talk in such a way that your dh knows her reality. But for that you have to be extra sweet.
     
  5. Foundlove

    Foundlove Gold IL'ite

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    Dear Tanu,
    First of all you need to understand something..He is her son first.You need to develop a thick skin and also do some sneaky stuff.

    Cook something nice while she was sleeping. As sooon as he comes home..present it with great fanfare "amma since you were resting I decided to surprise you !!"

    Call him while she is sleeping and if he asks.."O she is resting for the past hr.She gets tired.So I decided to all work today."

    You have to be a good politician and a great diplomat at the same time....

    Maybe by the end of it ..all of us should get a job at the UN!!!:rotfl

    FL
     
  6. Gooseberry

    Gooseberry Senior IL'ite

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    FL: You are so funny!!

    Tanu, I have zero experience with such MILs because my MIL is a good one.
    Anyway, may be you should not complain to your dh. If she taunts you then talk back to her but politely. I mean you disagree with her but don't disrespect her.
     
  7. shrutidunwoody

    shrutidunwoody Bronze IL'ite

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    Ya foundlove you really made me laugh by your last statement.
     
  8. SriVidya75

    SriVidya75 Platinum IL'ite

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    Super ideas by Shilpa and FL

    Yes instead of sulking in anger and pain, take up steps to address her with her own tricks. also when your husband is around, be at your best drama of buttering up your MIL and act all nice and be super duper respectful for her!!! come on...cheer up and no point in crying over such things...last but not least, never ever complain to him about his own mom...no one beleives it. If he had beleived it, his mom wouldnt have acted all this while. so start taking up acting :)
     
  9. tanu khurana

    tanu khurana Bronze IL'ite

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    THANKS ALL WONDERFUL LADIES,
    THANKS FOR QUICK AND NICE REPLIES... ALL OF U R OF COURSE CORRECT...BUT REALLY I DNT KNW NW HOW TO TO PRETEND.. I REALLY HATE HER FOR ALL DIS...
    BUT I VILL TRY TO FOLLOW UR TIPS..:drowningI GOT SO TIRED B/W WORK AND HOME AND SHE MAKE EVERY EFFORT TO MAKE MY LIFE DIFFICULT... LIKE MY BABY IS 15MNTHS OLD AND WHAT SHE DO , SHE MAKS HIM SLEEP AT 1PM SO WHN I GET BK HOME AT 2:30 HE WAS SLEEPING AND GETS UP BY DAT TIM AND EVERY1 SLEEPS AFTR DAT AND BEING SO TIRED I HAV TO B WITH HIM. AND THN HE SLEEPS AT 6PM AND IF I DNT MAKE HIM SLEEP SO HE VILL SLEEP IN NIGHT SHE HERSELF MAKES HIM SLEEP AT 8PM.. AND SAYING I DISTURB HIS SLEEP FOR MINE....
    LOVE TANU
     
  10. ShilpaMa

    ShilpaMa IL Hall of Fame

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    FL .. Maybe by the end of it ..all of us should get a job at the UN!!![​IMG]

    This was cool.. :rotfl

    Tanu, yep most MILs pass such comments that we're disturbing child for our comfort when the truth is they also need comfort & they mould child as per their comforts. Consult your MIL as to what should be your son's sleep timings and you adjust yours with that. Motherhood is biggest adjsutment of life.

    As a result I have no "Sleeping time" for my kids, its a la-carte for them, more you let you know your MIL what irritates you she shall do it more, even if am irritated I never let her know but just try to find an alternate route or activity to keep me happy. I never complained as to what time the child shud sleep.. now when the child howls in night noise is not getting restricted to 1 BR.. as houses these days are not castles anymore... After 2+ yr they develop their own patterns of sleep and play.

    Once the child is up and you're tired after returning from work, find it as an opportunity to spend time with him which would have been missed if he were sleeping.. lie down for 10-15 mins, keep the child in parallel / ontop/ lap. According to me I shall be happy to hold a baby who's done full rest prior to my arrival as compared to a cranky one who'd been running around like an exhausted flying machine :bonk. As per my expericene they want minimum 1/2 hr of full dedication and then they just get off you... treat that 1/2 hr as extended office hr.
     

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