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Putting The Happy Face

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by srajitha, Sep 24, 2021.

  1. srajitha

    srajitha Silver IL'ite

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    Thank you all for your kind words, I feel the warmth of each one of you, blessing me to grow strong.
    I did reach to police several times , but unfortunately in our system they say its wife and husband issue ,compromise atleast for the sake of kids ..... they talk so ill at the station that a person who goes for help will feel even more helpless.

    One of the OP said if you have internet , if you have access to mobile/laptop write this and asked me to gather courage ... believe me whenever I am trying hard to fight back I am falling back to the ground that badly. Due to COVID my divorce is not moving , they say the system currently have many pending files and will take time... I have stopped thinking about it. Every minute I keep encouraging myself that I am strong , I have endured so much in my life. I tell myself I am very strong , I am not the only person, I must look at my kids and move on....

    My family is supportive to me but they dont know all these, I dont tell them because ours was a love -cum arranged marriage , my mom did warn me about my future( I dont know what she saw back then) but I was blind in his love ignored them. Few years ago he hit me badly in front of my parents they tried very hard to stop him but couldnt till date my parents think about it and spoil there health. My mother (Alzheimer paitent) doesn't want me to stay alone she keeps saying partner is important in life , she doesnt recognize me as her daughter, my father is already worried about her , he cant take my tension.

    Every second my heart encourages me to ignore move on stay strong. Some of you may think I am coward or being senseless but this is what it is.
     
  2. Roar

    Roar Gold IL'ite

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    You have endured ( enduring) so much, you have been very strong.

    Gyan to go back to the abuser at the ploice station is just appalling. So he had a hitting spree on you infront of your parents even when they were stopping. It would have torn them to pieces. How are they still advicing you to stay with him?. Anyway..

    You need to start to stay seperately, 'ignoring abuse and moving on' is just such a sad way of handling abuse. You are worth much more than just people abuse you. YOU ARE NOT MADE FOR THIS ONLY.

    You are made to have a neat life a normal life.. ups and downs but not abuse.

    Do you have siblings?, who can give you are room for you and your kids.. a friend perhaps?. Divorce seems far fectched at this stage but seperation is just a bold step away.

    Please move out.
     
  3. srajitha

    srajitha Silver IL'ite

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    Once during such visits to police station they scolded H for which H came to my mom's place , created big mess for which my brother told me not to come there , my brother said he had family and its getting effected by my presence there.
     
  4. nuss

    nuss Platinum IL'ite

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    OP- I totally hear you about police in India. I have been there when the cops told me to go home and keep peace in the family. When they mocked me that I was complaining because I had a higher degree and a job and educated women are like this- the home breakers! But you need to filter all this noise and focus on your life, your children's life! they do not need an abusive father, they do not need to see their mother being insulted.

    Take one step at a time. If you work and can get transferred to a different place, please do so. If your job is non-transferable, move closer to your work. Rent an apartment and move there. I understand that there will be issues with you moving out. Your husband will create drama, he will find out where you are and if not, he will show up at your work. I have been through all this and I know what is at stake. Please speak with your colleagues if you decide to move out of your house (and I would hight recommend that you do move out) and let them know about your situation. Some people will say that it is none of their business but believe me, they will come to know and will be scared if your husband shows up and create a scene. If they already know the issue, they will be able to protect you from the abuse.

    File a complaint and keep a copy with you. Even if the police mocks you, you will still have proof of continuing abuse. You can take your complaint and meet with the District Commissioner and let them hear you out. In my case, police were bought by my ex and I could only get a fair hearing when I approached the DC and SP in my city. Once DC orders the local police, they will be more than keen to help you.

    No one should put up with the abuse! Divorce might sound scary but it isn't scarier than living with a devil!
     
    Rihana, maalti, Anusha2917 and 5 others like this.
  5. lavani

    lavani Gold IL'ite

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    If you are in india why can't you file S498a . you have all valid reasons here. just gather proof.
     

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