Thank you all for your kind words, I feel the warmth of each one of you, blessing me to grow strong. I did reach to police several times , but unfortunately in our system they say its wife and husband issue ,compromise atleast for the sake of kids ..... they talk so ill at the station that a person who goes for help will feel even more helpless. One of the OP said if you have internet , if you have access to mobile/laptop write this and asked me to gather courage ... believe me whenever I am trying hard to fight back I am falling back to the ground that badly. Due to COVID my divorce is not moving , they say the system currently have many pending files and will take time... I have stopped thinking about it. Every minute I keep encouraging myself that I am strong , I have endured so much in my life. I tell myself I am very strong , I am not the only person, I must look at my kids and move on.... My family is supportive to me but they dont know all these, I dont tell them because ours was a love -cum arranged marriage , my mom did warn me about my future( I dont know what she saw back then) but I was blind in his love ignored them. Few years ago he hit me badly in front of my parents they tried very hard to stop him but couldnt till date my parents think about it and spoil there health. My mother (Alzheimer paitent) doesn't want me to stay alone she keeps saying partner is important in life , she doesnt recognize me as her daughter, my father is already worried about her , he cant take my tension. Every second my heart encourages me to ignore move on stay strong. Some of you may think I am coward or being senseless but this is what it is.