Puratchi paatti Kamini

Normally whenever a marriage, Seemantham or poonal is decided to be celebrated, the first thing asked for is" When is the Sumangali Prarthana Or Pondugal' and Samaaradhanai.
We have been following this as per strict family traditions regarding number of
pondugal, samayal etc etc.

Some 100 years back there was no treatment for for ptyphoid and T. B.and mainly many youngsters ,boys within 25 to 30 years of age, all married , lost their lives.Having lived in a joint family I know the impact of such cruel ends. In many houses there will be a widowed athai or periamma with or without children, isolated and not allowed to participate in any of the auspicious functions and people avoided seeing their faces.
What is the mistake they had committed?

My kollu patti( appa's patti) was the head of the family. Hers was the final word at home.She was 86 and thatha was 93 suffering from paralysis. Patti was looking after all his needs.

It was the year 1935. One of the grand sons of the patti was getting married. Everybody was talking about Sumangali Prathanai. Patti had altogether different ideas.

A week before the marriage,kamu patti convinced and invited 25 young widows belonging to different communities from our village and next village on a particular day.
The house was decorated with kolam & Semman. Nice lunch with payasam vadai was ready.

Patti as usual gave bath to Thatha and made him sit on an easy chair. All were assembled in the koodam, some to witness and some to gossip.
She started the pooja with a small slokam From Kanaka Dhara stavam of Adi sankara, and performed karpur Aarathi. All the ladies ( all widows) were served good lunch and provided with sarees and blouses.

After the lunch she started giving a small lecture ( which my Amma, 35, at that time vividly remembered.
Her talk in brief ran like this

" கூட்டுக் குடும்பத்தில் வாழ்க்கைபட்டவள் .. ஆறு குழந்தைகளின் தாய்.நிறைய இன்ப துன்பங்களைப் பார்த்தவள்.என் பொறுப்பிலேயே 15, 20 கல்யாணங்கள் நடத்தி வைத்திருக்கிறேன்.ஒவ்வொரு முறையும் சுமங்கலி பிரார்த்தனை நடக்கும்போது என் மனதில் தோன்றியது என்ன?


ஒரு பெண் சுமங்கலியாக இறந்ததாலேயே தெய்வமாகிறாள் என்றால்,' சுமங்கலி பிராத்தனை என்பது ஆண் ஆதிக்கத்தின் வெளிப்பாடு தான்.ஆனால் இது காலம் காலமாக மூளை சலவை செய்யப்பட்ட ( brain washed), பெண்களால் முழுதுமாக முழு மனதுடன் அங்கீகரிக்கப்பட்ட ஆண் ஆதிக்கம்.


ஒரு பெண் தன கணவனுடன் சந்தோஷமாக வாழ்வது கொடுப்பினை தான். குழந்தைகளும் தாய், தந்தை இருவரது ஆதரவுடன் வளருவது மிக்க மகிழ்ச்சி தான்.

ஆனால், ஒரு பெண் சுமங்கலியாக இறந்தவுடன் அவளை தெய்வமாக வழிபடுவதும்,கணவனை இழந்தவளை ஒதுக்கி வைப்பதும் எந்த விதத்தில் நியா யம் ?
தன துக்கத்தை மறந்து, மறைத்து,குழந்தைகளுக்காக ஓடாக உழைத்து, படிக்க வைத்து, முன்னுக்குக் கொண்டு வந்து, நல்ல வாழ்க்கை அமைத்துக் கொடுத்து , தான் 'அமங்கல ' மாகக் கருதப் பட்டாலும்,குழந்தைகளின் மங்கள வாழ்விற்குத் துணையாக இருப்பவள் அவள் தானே?

தன்னை உருக்கி குடும்பத்தை ஒளிர வைப்பவள் அவள் தான்.

இவ்வளவு நாட்களாக, குடும்ப வழக்கம், பாரம்பர்யம் , கலாசாரம் என்று என்னையே ஏமாற்றிக் கொண்டேன். இப்போது என் பேரனின் கல்யாணத்தின் போது தான் என் எண்ணத்தைச் செயலாகும் துணிவு வந்துள்ளது.




எத்தனையோ முறை மடி, ஆசாரம் என்று ஏக ஆர்ப்பாட்டமாக நடந்த சுமங்கலி பிராத்தனையைவிட, இந்த முறை, ஜாதி, இனம் பார்க்காமல் கொண்டாடிய நிகழ்ச்சி மன நிறைவைக் கொடுத்தது .


நான் அதிகம் படிக்க வில்லை.புரட்சி வீராங்கனை யும் அல்ல.. நற்பண்புகளுக்கு மதிப்புக் கொடுப்பவள் தான். பக்க வாதத்தினால் பாதிக்கப் பட்டுள்ள என் கணவரை அவரது இறுதி மூச்சு வரை கவனித்துக் கொள்ளுவதில் எனக்குப் பெருமைதான். அதைவிட " சுமங்கலி' என்ற பதவியை நான் உசத்தியாக நினைக்கவில்லை. வாழ்வின் இறுதி என்பது நம் கட்டுப் பாட்டை மீறிய செயல்.

கணவனை இழந்து , தன இன்பங்களைத் துறந்து, குடும்பத்தின் மங்கலத்துக்காகவே பாடுபடும் இந்த பெண்களின் ஆசி , புது மண தம்பதிகளை சிறப்பாக வாழ வைக்கும் என உறுதியாக நம்புகிறேன்" என்றாள் பாட்டி.


5 வருடமாக மௌனம் காத்த தாத்தா கூட பொக்கை வாய் திறந்து சிரித்தாராம்.

வீட்டில் உள்ள அனைத்துப் பெண்களும் கைதட்டிக் கொண்டே உள்ளே நுழைய, அதுவும் ஒரு traditional சுமங்கலி பொண்டுகளை நினைவு படுத்தியது. அனைவரின் கண்களிலும் நீர் நிரம்பியது.

அன்று முதல் எங்கள் குடும்பத்திலும், அதைத் தொடர எண்ணின பல குடும்பங்களிலும் இந்த வழக்கம் பிரபலமாக நடக்கிறது. வசதியுள்ளவர்கள் இதை ஹால் எடுத்து செய்வதும் உண்டு.

My mother had written what her kamu Patti spoke verbatim, and transferred the message to all the children of next geneartion.Paatti had done a silent Revolution those days. Kaamu Patti in her traditional madisar saree,a sincere house wife, opened the eyes of many people.

We are not against tradition and culture. It is very rare to think of a lady born in 1850 to think along a different line notwithstanding the criticism she might have to face.

When my daughter/ son's marriage were conducted, I spoke about this to my MIL, who ,having become a widow at the age of 29, saw reason and allowed me to follow Kamu Patti in our house also.


Whenever any family is celebrating Sumangali Praththna in our village and surrounding towns, even today they talk about the Revoutionary Patti( Puratchi patti).

It is not about breaking traditions or disrespecting elders.It is altogether a new dimension towards betterment of the society against the atrocities committed against women , who became victims to the cruel fate.Kudos to Kamu Paatti who derived a pet name 'Kamini' after this incident.

Jayasala 42

 

The Translation of The Tamil version as requested by Viji Madam. Pl read my message along with this English version, which may not be a literal translation but the essence has been conveyed.

Patti's talk
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" I was married into a joint family. I had six children. I have seen enough of the joys and sorrows of family life.I myself have taken initiative to conduct 10 to 12 weddings and organized all the arrangements. Everytime when the Sumangali Prathana was conducted, do you know what I felt?

A girl is deified just because she died as a 'Sumangali ( while her husband was alive), it means that Sumangali Prathana itself is a clear expression of male dominance.Pitiably ladies of those times were brain washed to accept the same and it has become a celebration gladly accepted by the brain washed women and celebrated essentially by women, men safely keeping aloof enjoying their dominance.

It is no doubt a great blessing that both husband and wife live long with harmony and children are brought forth under the love, care and guidance of both the parents.

But when a lady dies as a sumangali, she is deified, whereas a widow is secluded and separated from all the auspicious activities. She is the one who takes the role of father and mother, suffers day and night for educating the chilldren. Though being considered 'Amangal' or 'inauspicious' ,it is she who toils for the ' or 'mangal' or subiksha or welfare of the family.

She keeps herself in the dark, behind the curtains to illuminate the entire family.

For all these years I have been a silent spectator, giving respect to the traditions and customs keeping my own feelings buried. deceiving myself.Now only I have stood courageous and I want to give shape to my feelings during the wedding of my grandson.

I have performed so many Sumangali Prarthanas following all the suddha, visuddhi formalities, very strictly adhering to the traditions. But the mental solace and satisfaction which I have obtained now on conducting a function without considering caste, creed discrimination giving due recognition to the really 'auspicious women' is beyond description and far more superior to what I experienced those days.

I am neither educated, nor a revolutionary woman. I definitely regard family values and culture.I am taking care of my husband who is laid down with stroke for years. I would like to take care of him until his last breath and would prefer to die only after him. The status 'of " sumangali' is nothing compared to the life long service that I am fortunate to do to my dear husband with whom I have lead a harmonious for more than 75 years.

The ultimate date of our life journey is something beyond our control.

I sincerely hope that blessings by these women, who have sacrificed all their enjoyment for the 'mangal' or auspiciousness of others will really be beneficial to the couple entering into wedlock.
The grand old man who never opened his mouth for the past five years laughed aloud giving a beautiful 'toothless smile'

All the women standing outside the house watching the smart talk given by patti clapped their hands and entered the house.This scene reminded of the traditional sumangali Prathan in which . women clap their hands to denote the arrival of Sumangali Devathas ( women who died as sumangalis are supposed to have become Goddesses)

Everybody was in tears and hugged patti and appreciated her.

This practice is being followed in our family and some other families who were supportive of patti's great thoughts.
Some people conduct this function even in big halls inviting the so called'inauspicious women' giving them the due recognition which they richly deserve."


Jayasala 42

 

Dear Viji mami,
As suggested by you, I have sent the English Version to the group.
I fully understand that many may not know Tamil. But since the patti was from a remote village in Tamil nadu, especially in those days, she would not have known English. To look realistic I just wrote her speech alone in Tamil.
I feel that you should be younger to me.( I have completed 72) That is why I addressed you as " madam' , as it is the modern trend to call both youngsters as well as elders as Madam.
Jayasala 42

 

Dear Kamla madam,
Actually we are proud of our patti. I sent this article in Tamil to a leading magazine ' mangayar malar'. The editor sent an appreciatory note. but didn't publish,since it was a magazine connected with rituals, poojas etc and many of its readers were totally 'ritualistic' and they might not be able to digest certain facts.
I could just understand the impact that ritualistic faith had on women readers, who are the really affected ones.
I have spoken to many women on this issue. Even those who listened were not able to come out of the shackles. Some hesitated even to concur since they were afraid that by concurring,they may earn the wrath of Sumangali ancestors.

I am reminded of Bharathi.
Bharathi wrote to Mahatma Gandhi on remarriage of Widows." They have lost only their husbands and not the youth , nor the desires and not the ability to bear children.
Gandhiji wrote" women insist on 'widow remarriage because men who have lost their wives are marrying immediately.So bring a law that men should not get married when they lose their partner.:

Bharathi wrote back" I am asking for a suggestion to annihilate widowhood among women. But you are giving suggestion to increase the number of widowers among men"

Again Bharathi wrote to Vivekananda on the same issue. But Vivekananda also was not for it. He indirectly replied the number of men are more in low class communities, that is why they prefer to get widows as their partners. In higher classes there are lesser number of men, they may not like to marry a widow, as many virgins are avaialble..

Bharathi shot back,. though he had high regard for Swamiji.
" Dear Swami,a pathetic woman is facing the crisis. You are trying to cover up with statisitics.'
Even when leaders like Gandhiji and Vivekanada themselves could not be convinced, what to talk of ordinary men and women?

Jayasala 42