Psycology of Abusers/Manipulators

Hi Friends,

I had written this in the domestic violence thread started by Anitap.I got few responses on this as few ladies could relate to it and it helped them to analyze their situation better. As this could have got overlooked by few i decided to post this as a new thread to help many woman understand and relate to their experiences. Hope you approve moderator


We might come across people who say why didn't you leave your husband in the first place when he raised his hands on you ? And the answer is "Its not that easy". An abusive person is like a parasite who first studies you more than yourself. He would ask you many questions and would also empathize on many occasions. These tricks of an abuser will make you confide in him and confess many things, but these confessions will always be targeted against you . An abuser very well knows to confuse you with series of sweet and rude cycle. At one point of time he may turn very violent and the other moment he many treat you like a princess. These erratic and irrational changes obfuscates the victim emotionally to take decisions. The first and the foremost shot of an abuser is on the self esteem and confidence of the victim.He will always break it . He studies his victims so well that he is very well educated with the psyche of his victim. The cycle continues and you are simply stuck in a catch 22 situation. For further help let me explain this to you with the help of a cycle know as the abuser's/manipulator's cycle :

1. He will look for incidents to threat/abuse/coerce the victim. This is the planning stage where the victim is very unaware of whats going in the abuser's mind.

2. He will execute his plan and this is accompanied with physical/mental/emotional and verbal assaults.

3. The abuser exhibits a sense of happiness as he achieves his goal to maintain fear and control on his victim.

4.Then comes the calm situation where the abuser apologizes for his act and states " Things will be different next time". He also trickles a sense of guilt in the victims mind for his act.

5.Here comes the honeymoon period where the abuser will do anything to make you happy . And i mean anything.

This is a very vicious cycle which can happen in a days/week or probably months time. This behavior destroys the self esteem of the victim to the core.You are nothing but a piece of log. He gradually executes his plans to cut the support system of the victim.Imagine where the victim will go ? It can happen to anybody from any class in the society. Woman in the poor income group seek financial security ,woman in the middle income group fear society,and woman in the upper income group seek emotional security. Its a bad bad world for woman . Sometimes i feel a woman should get hold of her emotions . We should learn to think more logically . Courage and bravery should be part of every girls basic upbringing. It is happening across the world to so many woman that it becomes unimaginable.I wish every woman to understand her worth and live life in her own terms and conditions.

With love,
Maddy

 

God has made us woman very emotional by nature and we tend to give importance to emotions more than practicality .Here is when the real problem arises and it blinds us of the reality. Media and modern world is giving a very flimsy picture about love . According to the world love is sacrifice but if taken into the account of practical world love is all about being oneself and being liked for the same. When there is no realization then where comes the question of love ? Husband beating wife to control her doesn't show his love for her but shows how low he values his wife. A person who really admires and loves you would never resort to battering .Battering or bullying is a red flag in any relationship to walk out. Love is a healer and people who confuse with cinematic love are perplexing themselves with the untrue and unachievable. A person who hits /controls and manipulates you doesn't respect you and is surviving just because of social,economic,sexual,mental pleasure.For them you are just an object of pleasure which can be accessed when needed. It becomes our prerogative to first introspect our value and purpose in life to overcome the abuses and battering.

 

Yes these values should be instilled from the childhood. every girl should value herself and respect herself for what she is .

 

Let me tell you the reality .. Abusers can never love . The best course is to leave them. The difficult part with abusers and psychopaths is that they don't surrender to medical intervention. They cannot accept their faults and they are real difficult nut to crack. Constant manipulation and strategic planning is part of their behavior.They tactfully confuse their partner with oscillating behavioral pattern.I personally feel every woman should not fall under the bait of emotional blackmail when she has somewhere developed a sense of reality about her partner. Apologies and revival of same behavioral pattern is something abuser/manipulator/psychopath is skilled with.This is an endless pit which pulls you to nadir.

 

Try and STOP the cycle now if its happening