Prostitutes, mental health, in laws, love marriage

I need advice please.

Eleven months ago my husband spent time in a mental hospital after having a psychotic episode and stayed there for one month. He is now stable with medication. I knew he had an episode once as a teenager but never as an adult.

In hospital he confessed that he had been using prostitutes for close to 20 years including during our marriage and relationship. He is seeing a therapist for s3x addiction. He said he wanted to stop using prostitutes when we got married but he couldn't stop.

We have been in a relationship for eight years, married for five. I have a 12 year old son from a previous relationship. I was quite innocent and the father of my child promised to marry me but then left the country. My husband and I had a love marriage and we have known each other since childhood.

I am writing because of his parents. When it all came out that he had been using prostitutes I told him to leave. My father in law said i should go back to my parents house ( in a different city).

(I have a marketing degree but in this country I work in a supermarket in a lowly job.)

His mother then came to our house to pray with me and told me to forgive my husband. I wrote my in laws both a letter saying 'Why should my son be uprooted from his school and friends and clubs because of your son's behaviour. I wrote that the problem was a serious one and you can't just tell me to forgive - your son is the problem, not me.

Since then they have not spoken to me and banned me from their house. they want me to apologise for being disrespectful to them. My father in. Law said in our culture a man never is forced from his home by a woman.

I broke my arm in a car crash four months ago and even then they did not text or call and his older sister only sent a Facebook message.

I told my husband I will apologise if they want but it will be lip service as i now have no respect for either of them.

We are all in the UK. We both speak only English and even the in laws have lived here more than fifty years. They also had a love marriage.

In childhood my husbands face was disfigured in an accident and that's part of what led to his lack of confidence with women and using prostitutes .

My father in law has also said though that as long as he does not get caught a man sometimes needs to play away. Growing up he never expressed this attitude to my husband though and it only came up when he found out what he had done/ been doing.

Father in law says I have upset my mother in law and she is now always crying.

He is the one who has destroyed the family and they are angry about a letter.

 

Thank you for your encouragement Chennaiexpress. It has brought tears to my eyes.

I no longer love my husband but I can't divorce for the following reasons
• my son sees him as a father and this would break his heart.
• I have already had a child with one man. If I divorce this one I will be alone forever. No one respectable will want to be with me.
• Also I don't want to bring more shame to my parents. I know I did not do wrong but you know how the community will gossip if I divorce.

It is really painful that they were not even concerned that I could have died in the accident.

They were not happy that I had a child. however they knew that their son was already at an advanced age without being married because of the damage on his face and might not find someone willing to marry.

 

@lamagoodgirl

I already have a masters degree but have applied for hundreds of jobs and got only one interview - there is a lot of competition. the cost of living is so high it is difficult to make ends meet as a single person and yes the attachment of the child is one important factor in staying.

 

@Priya
My post may not have been clear. I am not blaming my in laws for my husbands condition.

My husband told my in laws and also about the prostitutes.

Because of his crazy state the social worker said he must not be in the house with a child until he is normal.

My in laws then said I and my child should be the ones to leave and go back to my parents in another city. I said I will not go.

His mother said I should forgive. I said it is not easy to forgive something like that.

My husband and I are living together now as a nuclear family.

The problem is that my inlaws have banned ME from their house and are not speaking to me. They say I was rude to them by writing a letter saying I will not go. They want me to apologise.

I do not think I was rude at all. I am asking you my sisters and co sisters for advice.