Prospective Groom is saying my dad has final responsibility before kanyaadaan

Payalarora...hugs to you..sicne i could imagine how confused you could be...
talk to him on saturday...try to make it about non-fiance things. talk about your interests and see how he reacts to it.

if he is a good man then he will lsiten to what you have to sya and your interests, likings etc...
if he continues to be a self centered guy..then think about it. but again if youa re fine witha guy like that and dont mind taking the backseat in this so called marriage..then say yes to it.

 

Payalora, In some arranged marriages mostly grooms parents will demand cash or gold or properties. The guy himself is very clear about his personality so u can go ahead with this proposal.

Some guys dont talk much and its very hard to read their mind and their parents demands more after the engagement thinking brides parents will do anything to continue the marriage.

But in your case the guy is very clear and is discussing with you plans for future he seems to be organized. If the demands are within the budget and as you said you heard all positive things about this guy then dont miss the proposal. Good luck with your wedding.

 

how old is the "boy"?

if so, why the need to question this transaction at all? you know how it goes.

 

OP

You are working and also 29yrs ......How come u never made any saving ? Are u trying to get as much money as you could from your parents as per what the guy says

I am 31 years and single ,Gone and going thro many Taunts for not being married ....But still a guy who some how says i dont want dowry but trying to get cash through u does not sound like much good one ....

Think wisely its question of your entire LIFE ,Dont take it based on your Age or Taunts

 

As far as inheritance is concerned.....ancestral property is something that is passed over to generations.Since parents didn't earn it ,they have no right to discriminate when giving . All children should get equal share in this. The "who will look after parents " argument has been used for too long to keep women from getting their rightful share.Brothers are not ready to give the sister her share and the ILs are not ready to give any to the DIL if something happens to the husband or if she is divorced.

According to the law...all children irrespective of the gender are responsible for looking after parents. What about parents with only daughter? Don't the daughters look after them. What about the sons who don't look after their parents?Besides if you don't want to give your sister her share then don't expect someone else's sister to look after your parents.

Women are the primary care givers and nurturers of the family.....but when it comes to inheriting their rightful share....every body makes excuses.

As for the self earned property...the parents have a right to give it to anyone they want...their son,daughter or the monkey in the zoo.

 

Dear OP...I come from a community where dowry is not common or compulsary...so this talk about dowry feels disgusting to me. But I understand when you come from a community where dowry giving and taking is acceptable and arranged marriage is the only option....then there is not much choice.

1)I don't see how the guy negotiating is any worse than the parents negotiating. At least in this case the dowry will mostly be in your name.Don't be a silent helpless party. Take more active part and make sure if it is your dowry ,then it ensures some kind of security for you.

2) Is your father's property mostly self earned or part of it is inherited?If a large part is inherited...then don't feel guilty about it . Get your FD and get most of it in form of jewelery that is also on your name.Don't worry too much about your brother...he will get his dowry from his wife.That is the way this give and take works ...isn't it.

If your father has earned most of what he has....then let him give what he can without burdening himself.Either way....don't burn your bridges with your family. Money is not everything.

3) The guy seems to be very money minded. But as you say you like him....and have a good feeling about him. You also mention that you are not likely to find a better match for yourself. The next guy is not likely to be any better .You have also got his background checked and found it ok.
A lot of guys marry women for their beauty and feel good factor. there is nothing wrong in a girl going for a guys looks as long as rest of the factors are good. A good looking ,mild mannered dowry taker is better than a non good looking dowry taker. Marriage is a gamble in any case....if your gut feeling is saying fine then why not take this gamble with a hotie.It's not like a sure shot,guaranteed option is available anywhere. Just be careful about money with him.

3) Try to find a job closer to your new place. If possible ...try to stay independent. Teaching is a job fairly compatible with family life. Even a part time job or tuitions at home is an option. Try to be independent at least in the beginning years. It will give you confidence and prevent you from being taken for granted.

 

"I am really interested in him."

Marriage is gamble ..for that matter life is a gamble. Go with a positive mind and only good thigns will happen. If youa re ready to accept this man for who he is and is not expecting miracles then please goahead adn say yes..
but wait..talk to him on saturday and then say yes or no.,

 

I say you take your chances with him.Best wishes...fingers crossed.

 

It is really good to see you are very happy to marry this guy. Tats a positive sign. Very few women and mainly from the place where you are coming from would have that feeling with all this financial negotiations going on. So, I hope this guy proves us all wrong and is actually a good person. All the best But one word of advice, pls dont feel inferior to anybody due to age,complexion, family status because these are things God gave us when we were born. We did not have a choice over that. So, if a person tries to pull you down, you have to reply promptly and not let yourself feel inferior. You were a teacher and thats a very respectable position. Try to continue your work even after marriage. A teacher's job means lesser work hours which is good. This would give you a well-balanced life, not just around in-laws, husband,children. We in Indusladies try to advocate working because it gives another angle to your life, which is done away from family