1. How to Build Positivity in Married Life? : Click Here
    Dismiss Notice

Prospective Groom is saying my dad has final responsibility before kanyaadaan

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by payalarora, Aug 1, 2013.

  1. flowerlady

    flowerlady IL Hall of Fame

    Messages:
    2,921
    Likes Received:
    2,473
    Trophy Points:
    308
    Gender:
    Female
    Dear OP,
    What makes you think that the guy is simple and nice , he seems very materialistic.
    Why should he decide what will be in your and his name, interest will be used for monthly expenses , too much, you have to pay for your food and lodging ??
    Why should he decide that you will not inherit anything from your Dad, he wants it all now, why wait for years???
    These are all red flags.
    If you marry the materialistic guy then he may demand more and force you to ask your family, then you will be in a soup.
    He may ask you to break the FDs and you will of course do his bidding.
    Please assert yourself and tell him that you will make your own decisions regarding inheritance ,he need not speak for you.
    Cash he will keep, why not in join account?
    Suppose your father does not agree then the groom will search for another rich girl.
    Also do not go against your family in your haste to please the guy, never ever sour relationship with your parents, brother, it may go against you later in life.
    The big house may be divided amongst a host of relatives, will anyone ask to see papers?
    Very cut and dried bargaining by the groom, its dowry in a new form.
    Very sinister, calculative manipulative guy, if you admire such people then go ahead.
    All the best.
     
    8 people like this.
  2. rmpriya

    rmpriya IL Hall of Fame

    Messages:
    4,350
    Likes Received:
    8,693
    Trophy Points:
    410
    Gender:
    Female
    Why to me Lady ?? :rotfl

    See this is how you will get advice in online forums :) . We fail to understand the whole context , but give some random advice .

    Even if a actress is alive , we would give posting RIP , RIP , RIP :). without reading the previos posts .

     
    5 people like this.
  3. friendlygirl

    friendlygirl Silver IL'ite

    Messages:
    226
    Likes Received:
    197
    Trophy Points:
    93
    Gender:
    Female
    wrong post...!!!!
     
    Last edited: Aug 1, 2013
    2 people like this.
  4. helpmeangel

    helpmeangel Platinum IL'ite

    Messages:
    1,795
    Likes Received:
    1,005
    Trophy Points:
    208
    Gender:
    Female
    Friendlygirl,

    OP is payalarora and not rmpriya.
     
    4 people like this.
  5. friendlygirl

    friendlygirl Silver IL'ite

    Messages:
    226
    Likes Received:
    197
    Trophy Points:
    93
    Gender:
    Female
    :bonk sorry rmpriya!!!

    and thanks helpmeangel...:spin
     
    Last edited: Aug 1, 2013
    3 people like this.
  6. payalarora

    payalarora Senior IL'ite

    Messages:
    20
    Likes Received:
    16
    Trophy Points:
    18
    You understood the problem rightly. As a 21st century girl, I asked my dad: Will i get any share in your property, income etc. He said big no. He said if i sell the house and pay you your share, where will we and brother will go? We will be on road.

    I asked my mom and she said same thing she didn't got any share and this is the trend. She said a girl destiny is tied up with her husband and children.

    This prospective groom is negotiating to get things right and change the trend :)
     
  7. friendlygirl

    friendlygirl Silver IL'ite

    Messages:
    226
    Likes Received:
    197
    Trophy Points:
    93
    Gender:
    Female
    payalarora,

    while my post was addressed to teh wrong person intially my advise still remains the same.
    In your sitaution i feel like your father and the groom are very invovled and are talking about finances but where are you in this picture?
    I know talking about finances is important but did you get a chance to talk to the groom (not about financeS).
    were you emoionally aligned? Did you feel like you could be compatible?

    if the above is true and you feel that he will be a good match then finances and those things should not come in the way..of this marriage. that goes both to you and him.
     
    Last edited: Aug 1, 2013
    1 person likes this.
  8. payalarora

    payalarora Senior IL'ite

    Messages:
    20
    Likes Received:
    16
    Trophy Points:
    18
    He says if i ask any money after marriage, why don't you apply dowry law and put me in jail?

    We have asked our uncle who is a lawyer and he says any demand after marriage, he will get the boy arrest in few hours !!

    Also the amount of cash he has asked is less then the amount of fixed deposit in my name. What i have understood is he wants my parents should understand their responsibility and give me a fixed deposit which is the main amount.

    This could be a new trend among prospective grooms to ask for fixed deposit in wife name.

    As far as his personality is concerned, he is quite nice, soft spoken and no he is not greedy. He didn't said i need any big car etc. He did asked cash in lieu of gifts. I mean we probably would have given him some household appliances but he said everything is there in the house and it is better if you give cash.
     
  9. cuppcake

    cuppcake Gold IL'ite

    Messages:
    528
    Likes Received:
    841
    Trophy Points:
    188
    Gender:
    Female
    If the groom is so keen on laying down the financial rules etc let him also come up with concrete financial plans for you and your kids future, his own properties and how he proposes to make the best use of them. After all, you too deserve to know about his 'inheritances' and FDs and what the whole financial future is going to be. That would indeed make him sound wise and thoughtful about such important issues.

    Sorry to say, but your father is denying you your rights and being patriarchial and hence you feel the need to protect your share, however small it is, and whatever is being doled out to you in the form of dowry. This is making you overlook these red flags and feel competitive vis a vis your brother. This is natural enough but this should not make you blind to the fact that this guy is still not right.

    The bigger red flag here is repeated and emphatic reassurances that he will not ask for anything after marriage, going so far as to say- get me arrested if i do that..seem to me absolutely unncessary and worrying.

    Oh, how magnanimous and considerate of him to think about your share before the marriage but happily give it up later looking to your circumstances.

    A person can be soft spoken, sweet, nice, helpful and very very greedy at the same time. These qualities are independent of each other. But it helps if you're the soft-spoken type of greedy.

    I would strongly advise you against this marriage. And if you have already made up your mind, please take some more time to get to know this guy better. Who knows, God may bless you and enlighten you further.
     
    5 people like this.
  10. payalarora

    payalarora Senior IL'ite

    Messages:
    20
    Likes Received:
    16
    Trophy Points:
    18
    Yes i have met him twice. Both meetings 1 hour long at coffee shop. The negotiations are between Groom and my dad.

    Groom is gem. He is better looking then me, family oriented, speaks so softly, very fair (gora) while i am fair. No bad habits. We have verified from his previous address where the family stayed for 20 years and all have given positive report about him. They have their own house and it is a big plus.

    He did said to me he liked me because i am also family type of girl. He is looking for simple girl and i fit into his criteria. I feel he can get a better looking girl then me but he explained to me he is looking for a girl who can adjust with him. He is very expressive and a good communicator. He told me some very good looking girls which he met and their expectations were very high.

    He assessed my personality correctly. Apart from a good loving family and decent standard of living, i am not materialistic.
     

Share This Page