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Prospective Groom is saying my dad has final responsibility before kanyaadaan

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by payalarora, Aug 1, 2013.

  1. payalarora

    payalarora Senior IL'ite

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    Budget means my dad total budget for marriage. The prospective groom asked my dad whats his total budget.

    The difference is fixed deposit will be totally in my name. Not even joint name.

    Cash he will keep.
     
    Last edited: Aug 1, 2013
  2. arch1209

    arch1209 Platinum IL'ite

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    No this does not happen in majority of households, at least in my experience. My paternal side of the family - My grand-father had 8 children (5 sons and 3 daughters), he had some ancestral property and before he passed away he divided it equally among all the eight children. It was not huge, but everyone got little.

    In fact even in my husband's family, fil had some property which was sold - my in-laws made an FD and in their will it is stated that after they pass away, the amount should be equally shared among all the three children (two sons and one daughter).
     
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  3. payalarora

    payalarora Senior IL'ite

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    Very nice family....
     
  4. ramyav_cse

    ramyav_cse Gold IL'ite

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    OP, you seem to agree with the grooms ideologies. Though I would have said an outright NO to any demands of any sort, since you feel discriminated in your own family and feel that all grooms should demand, I guess you can go ahead with this alliance...not all people have the same mindset when it comes to inheritance...IMO, I feel I have no right to claim on any persons hard earned money, be it my father or FIL...they worked hard to make the money, and they should have every right to give it to the anybody they think that deserves it...if it was ancestral property, I believe it should be divided equally amongst siblings...juz my 2 cents...
     
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  5. poovai

    poovai Platinum IL'ite

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    The concept of (forced) dowry is wrong. But, in my view most of the girl's parents in my 'locality' are greedy. So do say, neglect the girls and protect their ancestral property as their son(s) inheritance. A decent marriage and a reasonable family alliance for the girls, that's the extend of their responsiblity. Compared to their property/income level, it would be nothing.

    What is wrong, in getting decent amount of share at the time of marriage itself. It makes me mad, the partiality towards girls when it comes to inheritance.

    I would say, go with the proposal. After your parents, you will be just a visitor to your brother's house.
     
    Last edited: Aug 1, 2013
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  6. helpmeangel

    helpmeangel Platinum IL'ite

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    Dear Payal,

    Negotiations are not unheard of in arranged marriages. Even in love marriages, girl's side do whatever little they can afford and like. So this should not be a deal breaker, unless it involves large sums of money and properties etc.

    So, your father wants to save some money by skimping on your wedding. Do tell him, that marriage is not one, where you sell off your daughter to the lowest bidder.

    If you really like this guy and if your family can afford the expenses, be stubborn and tell your father that you like this guy and want to get married to him.. do not worry about other things.. all you got to do now is think of what color sari to wear and what parlor will you go to, for the wedding.. :thumbsup
     
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  7. Rakhii

    Rakhii Moderator IL Hall of Fame

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    Payal, I think you found a good guy. Honestly, even though guys dont expect much from their brides, eventually questions will rise when the entire property is being written to your brother alone. Not now, maybe not by your husband, but I assure you, if everything is being given away to one kid only...questions from inlaws will rise.

    In order to curb that, if he wants some kind of fixed deposit on your name only (i.e if your father can afford it), then I think its good. He is being upfront with everything without beating around the bush.

    Its a good sign that he is a good planner. Personal opinion.

    Edit: If you think he is a good guy, please tell your dad to get you married to him. From what you tell here, he sounds like a good guy. Dont let your dad try to 'bargain' you. You are not a business deal. You are his daughter.
     
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  8. Rakhii

    Rakhii Moderator IL Hall of Fame

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    I think we both typed the response at the same time...lol
     
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  9. friendlygirl

    friendlygirl Silver IL'ite

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    i think the groom is also at fault to be talking about money so much before marriage and your father too to be thinking so much about money and play games.

    Forget about these two men, what do you think? you should not be "settling down" because you think that you will not get anyone better. But do you think you really like this guy and that he has been honest. Go with your guts.

    i would suggest that you talk to this guy and get a sense of what he feel about this marriage setting aside all these money discussions. if he likes you and why did he say yes to this marriage.

    i think the whole emotional component is missing here. You need to get his number and talk to him directly and not expect your dad to negotiate and make decisions. It is YOUR life!

    as far as property goes...your brother does not have sole right to your dad's property. it is your dad's decision. that said...if your dad is going to give it you..we don't know that. you need to discuss that with your dad.

    step up girl and take actions..it is not enough if we are educated ..we need to take control of our life.
     
    Last edited: Aug 1, 2013
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  10. Maddy2087

    Maddy2087 Platinum IL'ite

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    1) Fixed Deposit-Only on my name. He himself said not even joint name. It will be totally on my name. However he clearly said the interest income will be used for household expenses. So principal remains intact, but he will get interest income which will be used for managing our expenses + his contribution from his salary.

    2) Cash: That will be given to him only


    Now this confuses me . Why is the groom talking about budget ? Why aren't his parents talking to your father about the budget and the type of wedding to be performed.
    Why does he want to run the family with the interest from your FD + his income (Why not only his income and your salary if you happen to work after marriage )
    Why is he expecting cash ?
    Why is he deciding everything. what's your parents say on this ?


    I apologies if I hurt you but I sense something really fishy.I am sure this guy will financial control you a lot after marriage .You have not discussed about your In laws involvement in this marriage in one single post . Why ? Is he controlling what needs to be said and how it needs to be said ? Before jumping into marriage please analyse on all the possibilities . Sometimes we make up our mind to wrong guys and think that they are the one. Truth always dances in front of our eyes but we often avoid it because of emotional foolishness. This is your life and a person who demands something in return of you will definitely expect a lot in the future. He might also say " Your parents final responsibility for goddhbharai , then child naming ceremony, then first birthday of your kid etc etc.. Do you want all this nonsense after marriage . Don't fall for traps like " You can file a case against me if I ask for a single rupee after marriage . A true person would never say all these things but would just expect your presence and love in his life be it arranged / love marriage .

    I am not sure about your family condition and your relations with your parents . Its also not good to get judgemental about parents for a third person who has known you for just few months. Talk to your father openly, ask him what is stopping him and have a good heart to heart conversation . You might find something which your father might not have shared with you guys before.

    You are the best judge :) . Please take all the time in the world before making any crucial decision in life .

    With lots of love and best wishes ,
    Maddy
     
    Last edited: Aug 1, 2013
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