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Problems With Older One

Discussion in 'Schoolgoers & Teens' started by sanjuruby3, Oct 14, 2020.

  1. sanjuruby3

    sanjuruby3 Gold IL'ite

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    My 6 yr old started remote school and she is not serious about it. Every morning i have high blood pressure screaming at her and some times it is too much. H has 0 contribution and he may add to my blookd pressure some times. He hides behind his desk under name of meetings whole day and then morning/even he needs workouts.
    But my daughter is getting all bad habits and OCD from him.
    So Her room is full of toys and all her stuff. Nothing she shares but also grabs her brothers stuff and hides it in her room. Her room is like storage now. No place to walk in or find anything and looks so dark because of oveloaded. Any stuff which was here or there in living room or basement to play, that also she keeps collecting and brings itto her room. So morning rush i take out clothes to wear or night before, or after folding, to put back in closet, next minute, they are outside thrown or dumped in closet floor. Also toys or kids furniture all round her room, so can not even open closet to put something in easily or take out. Her suitcase she took out.
    She got that from her father and will keep screaming if i put anything in her room.
    Then she is not at all serious about class. She will mute the teacher, and volume down, she will again share arranging her room.
    Does not comb her hair, in PJs no brekafast, attends her class. She wakes up 15 mins before and for 10 mins she will cry or fight over stuff moved in her room while i have to grab her breakfast or milk but meanwhile she will keep fighting or crying.
    1 min to class, she is forced into bathroom and while i start class she is brushing. Her breakfast is finished by 12( i keep asking to eat, then finally feed) and by 3, I feed ( I put in her mouth) her lunch.
    In her independent work, she watches youtube and again when teacher let them to do independent work, again she will start watching TV. At night I again force sit her and make her do work she is supposed to do in independent practice.
    She does not want me to sit next to her in room ( where she studies) or to help her.

    I have younger one too and sometimes i have meetings also but i still give priority to family and kids and miss or wok accoridingly.

    I do not know if everyone has same story but my other friends look managed. Kids shower before class so they ae awake. Both H and W are in same alignment. Have their breakfast and they all finish their work. Those parents cry for other reasons that kids do not know this that. My problem, my kid does not even do this that.

    I can not talk to H. He is in his own league so please do not suggest to talk to him.

  2. BhumiBabe

    BhumiBabe Platinum IL'ite

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    Since you have decided to be a single parent to your child and blame all her “bad” habits on her dad, I advise you take a step back.

    First of all, take a deep breath and try to calm yourself. Your child is only reflecting your own emotions. Whether you express them as she does or not, She is picking up on your anger and frustration. Do not be hard on yourself because you are unable to control her behavior. Just because you see many people succeeding, not all 6 year olds and their parents are doing well with zoom classes. It is incredibly tough, especially to create structure when you are also working office hours.

    If you are unable to be patient with dealing with her, give yourself a timeout, to de-stress. Once you feel balanced and ready to handle tantrums without reacting in anger, set up the expectations. If she has pent up energy, make her jump around or dance a bit before she has to sit in from of the video call.

    Since you are experiencing behavioral issues, I am wondering if you have a social bubble of similar aged kids. My son struggles (behaviorally) without direct interaction with other kids, so I plan frequent play dates to give him the opportunity to NOT hang out with me all the time. After school times and weekends are very important for the kids to experience in person interaction with kids. I would even take it further and say that your daughter needs time away from you (and vice versa). If you have a social bubble friend who can take care of your kid for a couple hours, and then you see her- she will actually miss you and appreciate you. Distance does make the heart fonder.

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