Problems with my MIL after my baby's arrival.

OP,

You are upset for right reasons. You are worried that the baby might prefer her grandmother over you. She taking charge of naming the baby is bit much. Did you give your baby your MIL's name? You could have been firm and given the name that is acceptable to you too.

Couple of options I can think of are

1. Putting the child in full time day care so that baby does not spend full day with MIL and this might also help your MIL to distance herself from the baby.

Perhaps, your MIL is getting very attached to the baby. It happens. It is natural for a caregiver to be attached to the child she/he is caring for. It is natural for you to feel jealous. To avoid this, please put the child in full time day care.

2. You stop going to work. You stay home and care for the child. This way, you can spend full day with the child.

At least, work part-time. This way, you can have some benefits of pursuing career and some benefits of staying with the baby.

3. Arrange kitty parties, visit to nearby relatives and other relaxing activities for your MIL so that she does not stay home with your baby.

4. Live separately. I suggest very far place so that MIL does not have easy access to the baby. Your husband perhaps might want to visit his mother. Let him deal with the distance. He is a grown-up person and he can commute.

Please don't think I am giving these suggestions in an ambush. You wanting preferred place in your baby's life is normal. I also believe that it is not possible to want MIL as loving grandparent to your child and NOT want MIL to get attached to the grandchild. You are dealing with emotions and feelings and they perhaps don't work with precision and to the orders. They just happen.

 

OP,

My thinking is on the same lines as SimpleMom's.
I empathize with your situation ...after all it is your baby. I do not agree with other posts where the ladies expect you to be calm and receptive and take all this because babies are fragile and emotionally malleable. Babies' love can be snatched and therefore, please follow options 1 -3, not sure if option 4 is feasible.

It would be harsh to expect your MIL to stay alone at this age.
That said, you have full rights over your baby. Go exercise it!

 

Dear OP,
It was inconsiderate of your MIL to organize a naming ceremony in that matter. But on the bright side, it is not your child's formal name. Keep her grandma's name as a pet name and get your own choice on her birth certificate.
As for your MIL spending all the time near the baby inspite of having a nanny, it'll keep the nanny on her toes. Some nannies behave cruelly/neglect if there is no supervision. The other two options for you are either full-time daycare for the child or part-time work for you. Your MIL may not go to social events, parties etc, if she finds caring for your child more pleasant.
Nothing can replace you in your child's life, irrespective of what your kid addresses grandma as. So pamper your child and let her grow in a secure loving environment.
Instead of finding ways to keep MIL at bay, specially if she is nothing worse than an extremely doting grandmother, channelize your energies into bonding with your child. And look after yourself well, since many new moms who have no assistance(specially those working outside) with childrearing have no time for themselves.

 

Cant take ur bzby to your place moms place and stay thereo for some time. Give frequent visitsto your native, momsplace give her a break.

 

Well if that is the case why not take care of the baby and spend more time with the baby???

Sorry but this jealousy has no base..u got be blessed to have a mil like her who takes of YOUR baby like hers... Be blessed and thankful. damn,

 

There are all kinds of MILs. This MIL is bit different though not perfect or not anywhere closet to it. When I read the OP's post and how her MIL is checking with OP about consistency etc, I had tears in my eyes.

 

As everybody's suggested this is only a passing phase so just relax, dont ever feel i in secured after all she is your baby and will remain so, in a few years from now she will need you more than her grand Mom, right now let her enjoy her grandmothers company, your MIL is having a good time with her grand kid , its a nice feeling to see them bonding . If I were you I would think it as a blessing to have a MIL like yours because I don't even remember my MIL carrying my DD or even playing with her though my DD was her only Son's only child.

 

Dear op,If I were in your place ,the one thing that would make me sad about the situation is the child calling the grandmother amma(unless it is a term that can be used for grandma too). I don't understand why a grandmother would let herself be called amma. Being a grandmother and mother are both special. Let her know that you would like her to be called grandmother and the child should address you as amma. Otherwise your MIL seems like a loving caring person who genuinely cares for your child.

 

Dear OP
i would like to give u suggestion from my experience. Grass is always greener at the other side ....if u wnt ur child to be attached to u only than later on it would be difficult for u to keep on working (unless u have some other plan) . I have left my high paying job to care of my baby becoz my MIL is not living with me .Now after 1 year i feel so tired after whole day of household work ...i wanted to go back to job but its not possible now becoz there is no help at home . Keeping ur kid with maid or putting them in day care is complete no no for me . I always wish that if my MIL is living with us i could still continue my old routine .There are times when i m not well and just wanted to sleep but cant do that becoz i have to prepare food for my baby and only after he sleeps than i get the chance to go to bed.
Also in case of working parent its very imp for kids to spend time with other family members otherwise that will harm their development skill .
Once the child is grown up she will call u super mom who can take care of home and her job as well
So just relax for few months ...Also in my case also my child calls my MIL 'AAyi' and calls me 'mama' so both means the same ........there is nothing to feel upset abt .
Let me tell u 1 secret ...even though my MIL is very good but still sometimes i feel bad abt somethings ....at those time i used to think if today i behave badly with her and tell her something which can hurt her than the same thing could happen to my parents also once my brother got married .What will i feel if same thing happen with my parent .......just this thought make me polite towards my MIL ........
She will become ur mother when u will become her daughter .......take my words ...just once go and talk to her and tell her how u feel ..........u have share ur heart here with strangers ...surely u can make ur MIL understand abt ur feeling ....atleast try .........who knows this may end all ur problem