Hi, I had a reasonable ok relationship with my mil until my baby was born.The problems started with the 11th day function of the baby itself. My DH and I belong to same community but different states. So, there are a lot of similar customs and some different ones. My mil was organising the 11th day function in this case. My mom had also come to help us out. So, I had assumed that the function was the cradle ceremony, as is the case among us. Just 3 days before the function, my MIL tells my husband that she has organised a naming ceremony. The name had of course not been selected. So, though this name would not be in the birthcerficaete this was the name that would be in the horoscope etc. And according to their customs, the baby would get the paternal grandmothers name. i.e. her own name. I was a bit shocked to hear this. I did not want to keep my mils name to the baby. And it is basic courtesy to tell people what function u are trying to organise especially if it is about *their* baby. I had even during my pregnancy dreamed of having a naming ceremony function..keeping it secret to friends etc ..announcing the name it on that day and all that. This is probably the only baby I will have and everything about it was precious for me. So, I objected with all I had. My husband did not understand my reasons and despite my objections, the function was held. The result of this whole thing, was that I hated and mistrusted my MIL for thinking she can take decisions for my baby without my consent. Till this point I had a decent relation ship with her. After this, I hated her for snatching away my rights wrt my baby. I spent the next 7 months in my mom's place and came back. I started working from home 3 weeks later. I hired a nanny as well to take care of the baby. So, my mils help was to mostly play with the baby whenever she wanted. The thing was, again, she started acting as if she was the baby's mother and started giving me constant instructions when I was looking after the baby. SHe would spend every waking moment of hers in front of the baby and naturally, the baby started preferring her to me - would cry when I picked her up from my mil (and not the other way around). The baby even started calling her 'amma'. This was the breaking point for me. I used to cry everyday and got really upset. I started getting really jealous even when my mil held the baby for a few mins, since I kept feeling she is trying to usurp my position as mom. MY Mil started gloating to all and sundry how the baby prefers her to me and this created an environment of constant competition. Despite having the work from home option I started going to work to get my mind away from all this. I even got my husband to tell her that once I get home, I will take care of the baby myself and I don't want her hovering around. SHe gets the baby during the day anyway. This arrangement is in place now. But in any case, I am now jealous of her. I don't fight outright and I keep resentment within myself and this is causing me a whole lot of health problems. My husband is quite close to his mother and tells her every detail of his life (I dont grudge their closeness).My mil generally likes to get to know every little detail from everyone. I am afraid she will do this to my baby too. And me, being the kind that talks lesser than her, am afraid my baby will constantly prefer her to me. ANd so, I feel like there is constant pressure on me to just prove to myself that I am the baby's mother and not her!! SHe acts like she is the mother and once when she thought I was not around and the baby called 'amma amma amma' ..she answered from the other room "oooo…am coming". The baby too, calls her amma whenever she looks at her. She has said 'my baby' many times too. I bristle at all this but dont outright express it since I dont want my relationship with her getting worse and causing more stress. My husband knows of all this now since I had to go to the doc to get myself tested and got diagnoised with stress related health problems. My fil is no more, so my husband will not move out.So, I am stuck with her company . MY DH is getting stressed as well since he cant do anything about all this.How can I live in this environment day in and day out? I can handle my resentments..but looks like my body has already started complaining by ways of stress related health problems. My work and life quality suffers because of this. My baby definitely needs healthy parents. How can I go on like this?