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Problems with in laws-need help

Discussion in 'Relationship With In-Laws' started by arthiramkumar, Sep 30, 2015.

  1. arthiramkumar

    arthiramkumar New IL'ite

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    Dear all,

    A very good morning to you all. I would like to share my experience with my MIL and SIL as I am mentally disturbed a lot because of their behavior and relationship with me.

    I got married only when I was 29 and now it had been two years since marriage. I had a good respect for my MIL and love for my SIL during my marriage as they were also moving good with me and I don’t know their real characters in the beginning .

    SIL

    After my engagement and before marriage, my SIL used to talk over phone and tried to give some marriage tips. She is also of my same age but she got married 7 years back and is having two daughters. So initially, when she used to talk to me I used to listen to her as a very good friend.
    But soon after marriage, even on the very first week, her approach towards me changed and she used to say a hell lot of bad things about my MIL and Father in law. It was totally very new to me as , neither in my family I was brought up with such ladies who used to gossip or talk abt elders in such a bad way nor I used to talk continually like that . I am an engineer with MBA and have been working with a MNC. I have been born and brought up in Chennai. Hence my life style and thought process is different and I really do not know abt such small family affairs. My SIL is from a very small family from down south and whatever she used to talk to me was really new and made me think – will people be like this also?
    My SIL is very much interested in dress, going to hotels shopping. But she got married when she was 23 and immediately got two kids and my BIL who lives in a factory quarters and he don’t take her outside very often. In contrast, because of late marriage and our work culture me and DH living Chennai, we go out on weekends.
    I understand from her behavior that she is jealousy and acts and speak in friendly way, hiding inside her a lot of cunning things. I had told her many times also, don’t talk bad abt MIL like that as it is going to help in way , try to divert your mind and try to go for job. But, she replies to me saying, “ my kids are so found of me and I may go to job after two years when they are totally grown up ( she is already 32 now )
    When I talk to her, she only pours bad abt my MIL and FIL and there is nothing that I can learn from her. She only tries to talk and get information from me and say to MIL.
    She don’t want to try to find solution to her problem and only have grudges for her in laws. May be she is trying to separate me from my in laws as she talks very bad abt them to me, but acts like a very good girl on face to face relation with my in laws.

    MIL

    My MIL was very good to me initially at my marriage life. Now she had changed her behavior with me. May be she is angry with me as am rude to her on face to face, not knowing to act like my SIL.
    I was only reciprocating my MILs behavior towards me. But she will do all nasty things very silently and whatever I do to her will be blowed up.
    I don’t know why MIL is like that to me, I doubt if my SIL had told anything bad abt me or am not having baby even after two years. But my MIL s behaves with me in a angry way whenever she visits our house. . She lives in my BIL house and often visits our home. But whenever she visits our house, she used to behave as if she is owner of house and treat me as guest. She will take full control of kitchen and changes all utensils and arrangement in kitchen. Also she will ask my husband to buy groceries and provisions as per her wish. She will not even bother to ask me if anything is already available in kitchen. For instance, she had asked my DH to get jiggery and he being a moms son had got it.
    But there are already a lot of Jaggery in kitchen which I had kept in a different place from where she used to regularly keep.
    Even after getting, she won’t say me that she had bought those provisions. She will silently go off from here. After she goes , it will be surprise for me when I open any vessel to see so many such provisions and I would be seeing those things also only after one or two weeks if I happen to open those vessels. When we ask her, why she did not say, she will pretend to say, due to old age she had forgot.

    But she will remember and ask me abt silly things that had happened four to five months back. Even if we say that, we would help her with kitchen chores, she will not even allow us inside kitchen. But she will finish cooking very lately and will put seen with her son as if, in her old age also, she is working very hard for her son. Morning breakfast will be ready by 10.00 only though she wakes up at 06.00. Lunch will be ready only by 03.00. Dinner will be ready by 09.30.

    May be, because am working, she used to give me separately for my office and I will come outside. But after that, she will taste food, ask to her son if food is safety and give her son separately with all side dish. Why this partiality. Also when her son is not in seen. She will talk to me in a harsh tone, but when son is around she will talk as if she cares abt me a lot.

    My SIL, who is already jealous of me , is more unhappy because at least am working and come out of home in morning not to be with my MIL throughout day .

    Am very much new to these type of family politics and even don’t know to act in front , with very bad thoughts in heart ( like my MIL or SIL )

    Kindly pls advise me, if I have to change by any ways as am also ready to change to be happy .
    Am very much disturbed and not able to work in office with 100 % concentration.
    Also this affects me personally and this tension alos delays my conception.
    For my MIL and SIL, everything is over and they both can engage in all these family dramas and politics, but for me still there is lot of way fwd- both personally and officially.

    But their behavior only pulls me back and disturbs me.

    Pls help
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Oct 1, 2015
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  2. Arunarc

    Arunarc Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

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    Hello @arthiramkumar

    Welcome to indusladies community. Thank you for joining us. As you had posted this in New member area which is not the right forum for this post. I had to edit your post to change the title and move it to Relationship with in laws forum as it is better fit here and will get better response.
    We look forward seeing more of you around in IL.
     

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