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Problems with DH

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by amalady, Jul 2, 2010.

  1. amalady

    amalady New IL'ite

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    Dear ladies,
    I have been feeling bitter for about a week now, and thought of venting out. I had written a post some time back on how my DH was in US on a business trip, and how I was scared that he would visit my SIL there who is known to fill his ears with all nonsense about me.
    DH was back last week, and a couple of days were fine. But now he has started behaving extremely rude and hurts me all the while. Though he did not openly tell anything of what SIL told him, I can obviously see a lot of changes in his ways.
    He used to be bitter during the early days of marriage. and slowly I was capable of bringing about some change in him. Now things are back to square one and am not sure of how much effort I need to put in to make my marriage work, so that I can have a little happiness in life.
    He is a lil better with my DD, at least am happy with that.
    He does not halp me at all at home, and weekends are spent sleeping/ TV time. In a day of 24 hours, I can count the number of words we talk to each other; it is as bad as that.
    I feel emotionally drained our, depressed and sometimes frustrated. How much can a woman be without talking with spouse, that too in spite of working/ looking after house/ earning well (-. On the other hand, his sis is having a very good life, her DH worships her, though she does not work and all that. I know it is wrong to compare, but, am feeling so sad. Does not a woman need any sort of tenderness from her DH?
    I try cooking all that he likes; he eats well, but, not a word of whether it is good or not. And anything that goes wrong, the blame is ultimately on me; like, a couple of days back, the car broke down on the middle of the road, and he shouted at me. Today morn, he forgot to fetch some important paper that had to be taken to office, and he shouted at me bcos of that.. and all that.
    If I try telling him softly to behave a lil sober with me, he shouts saying he can behave like this only and that I can leave and spend life with someone who behaves better. I feel terrible and I dont know what to do. I doubt if he has even 1% love for me.
    I asked if we could go on a vacation for a few days (more than a year since we went somewhere), especialy bcos I have problems at workplace bcos of a tough boss, and want a break, but he said he does not want to waste money and he does not have money. But he spend so much on himself and on gifts for his ppl, from US.
    I am tired, and on the verge of breaking down. He suspects me with everyone, auto-walas, gardener, anyone we see on the road, and so, I try keeping myself aloof all the wile, and as a result dont have even 1 good friend to talk to.
    What do I do, to bring in some change? I am draining out on my patience too. If I forget everything and be lovey-dovey to him, he says I am acting.
    Please help.
     
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  2. rose8282

    rose8282 Platinum IL'ite

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    He seems to have some problem/issues which maybe u are not getting.Im saying because of the fact that even though you try to patch up,he says its a farce,he dosnt care if you go...so what does he want?
    I remember sometime back,a lady had problems with husband behaving rudely and finally came to know that it is because of a baby within months of marriage.


    Just try to sit with him patiently and ask him what his concerns are...does he want you to change?tell him you are ready to work at the marriage.Finally if he doesnt care for you..he's not worth it.You already sacrificed a lot..its not like we have to keep on begging these ''so called self-proclaimed gods'':rant
     
  3. pshanti1986

    pshanti1986 New IL'ite

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    go to your parents place for 1-2 weeks and he will settle down.
     
  4. Priya16

    Priya16 IL Hall of Fame

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    You know what you need to do,stop pampering him and take care your business.Because he knew how to mend you and mend and mend more.
    First stop worrying about him and stay calm and take care of your own business.Then see what happens.Stop worrying about him first.
    Whats the big deal if helps or not.Stop making 100 dishes for him.
    If the person don't understand the wife and only try to control the wife then how long you can go like this.Stop acting nice and see how it goes.
    SIMPLY HE IS TAKING ADVANTAGE OF YOUR PERSONALITY and don't add your SIL into this.
     
    Last edited: Jul 2, 2010
  5. ars

    ars Platinum IL'ite

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    Follow what Priya16 has said.
    Also, why are you doubting SIL. I don't think a single person can have so much power to change a persons behavior just by one visit.
     
  6. priya g

    priya g Senior IL'ite

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    The problem with us women is that we are a bunch of emotional fools who expect emotional support from men who are just incapable of anything! This is what makes us women so badly weak! If only we were capable of such cunning! I know atleast two women in my life who are emotionally drained just like you amalady....we as friends oft give advise to get rid of the relationship, but they have given time, heart and kids in their marriages. And they are in a soup..dying a painful death everyday! It is indeed sad...wish they either get the strength to get over of their loneliness or their wretched relationship! My prayers to you too amalady...I honestly understand how it feels when your spouse is uncaring and not understanding!
     
  7. Spiderman1

    Spiderman1 Gold IL'ite

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    Do what your DH says. He thinks you wont do that, just do what he is saying above.
     
    Last edited: Jul 4, 2010
  8. tasleemhidayath

    tasleemhidayath New IL'ite

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    hi,sorry to hear ur position,dont completely stop doing every thing for him do it slowly.cook one dish u like every day.stop worrying.i think u want this thing to work.so dont over do anything.he doesnt want to talk then u also dont.stop showing him u worry him not talking to u.play with DD .have ur time with her.stop showing him u care if he doesnt talk or show love.may be he will come around.what age is ur dh?
     
  9. tasleemhidayath

    tasleemhidayath New IL'ite

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    for drained out u may sing ,dance write,draw,get religious,do which u like the most ,read
     

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