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Problems Between Sis And Mother

Discussion in 'Parents & Siblings' started by sanjuruby3, Sep 28, 2017.

  1. Sep 28, 2017 #1
    sanjuruby3

    sanjuruby3 Platinum IL'ite

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    My younger ( youngest of all) is engaged, getting married soon and enjoying new job and fiance. She tells mother everything where is going, on dates with fiance etc which is very good thing. Problem, she tells too much. Then my sister is very aggressive and ready to pick fights with mom always.

    Now, we have cousin of her same age, very b'ful and spends a lot, updates FB a lot. My sis like most kids this age, has been little jealous of her and never satisfied comparing to her, that she never got that life, irrespective of good points in her own(sis) life that she has good job, strong family bond etc. We always talk about that. Now, that cousin also got engaged and getting married, she found super rich boy and had lavish ceremony.

    One day, my sis told her fiance, I never enjoyed in my life ( now that is relative term, she had what many does not), never went out like big cities or parties etc but my cousin, she did all things girls could do and to make jealous photos everywhere and now getting married to good match. Sis's fiance said, no problem, we will have fun too.

    Now that conversation with fiance, she is telling my mom. Mom behaved normal in front of her.
    Even though sis was casually speaking, I understand it.
    What will my mom, who is already in storm of emotions, think. She cries out to me that she thinks she never had fun, never satisfied, we never gave her anything, always crying out colleges we sent her to.

    So now, fully bottled up with other similar stories, I spoke to her that you do not need to talk to mom everything.
    Specially things related to fiance , fun/not fun and specially comparing with that cousin.
    Btw, that cousin that has been like always compare line for her. There has been prev cases on dresses etc.

    Now, Again there is fight at home - her and mom and mom told me.

    I know once she is gone, everything will be okay. Both will love and miss each other. But now, at this age of 70, it is so hard for my mom. I tell her you are here few more weeks, just tolerate. Both are going through emotions but they have to fight.
    What do I do in between?
     
    sanjuruby3, Sep 28, 2017
    sanjuruby3, Sep 28, 2017
    #1
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  2. Sep 28, 2017 #2
    KavyaKMV

    KavyaKMV New IL'ite

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    Your sister seems to be rather immature. Probably because she's young. Think you should console your mom saying that sis will understand soon and be grateful to everyone, especially parents.
     
    KavyaKMV, Sep 28, 2017
    KavyaKMV, Sep 28, 2017
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  3. Sep 28, 2017 #3
    MalStrom

    MalStrom IL Hall of Fame

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    Can you talk to your sister privately and tell her that comparing is going to do no good? Today your mother is upset, and with good reason. Once she gets married if she starts complaining to her husband it will detract from her enjoyment of newly married life. There will always be someone better than us, especially in the age of Facebook. You sister could use some tough love from her siblings.
     
    MalStrom, Sep 28, 2017
    MalStrom, Sep 28, 2017
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  4. Sep 28, 2017 #4
    sindmani

    sindmani Platinum IL'ite

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    She has a good and understanding fiance . she has to be happy for that. Extreme comparison will not help ur sister to be a happy person. So ask her to change this attitude for her good. If possible ask her not to open Facebook for few days. Let her concentrate in positives in her life. Best wishes to her
     
    sindmani, Sep 28, 2017
    sindmani, Sep 28, 2017
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  5. Sep 28, 2017 #5
    ashneys

    ashneys Platinum IL'ite

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    Moms n daughters fights can be endless. They fight one moment n get all pal-ly after that. Just calm your mom down n ask her not to take it too seriously. Ask your mom to probably write down her best recipes n life lessons on a notebook n gift to your sister, keep her busy with that project.

    Am more worried about your sister because all this comparison is extremely unhealthy n can ruin happiness in her new life.

    Is she gona continue to compete with her cousin in terms of everything, wedding, venue, foods, clothes, jewelleries, honeymoon, houses, countries, cities, vacations, kids, kids clothes, their school, college n even their spouses ? When will she enjoy her own life in between all this competition ? How long is her husband gona tolerate this ? What about her new in laws family ? Do you see any good thing here ?

    You as an older sibling should talk to your sis n put some sense into her. If she has had a safe, loving, good or reasonable upbringing with everything provided for her but can't be thankful or even appreciate it one bit because she was busy comparing her life to some cousin n forgot to enjoy or be happy in her own life, then it's seriously worrisome. It's a wrong attitude to start her married life n can cause serious issues later on.
     
    ashneys, Sep 28, 2017
    ashneys, Sep 28, 2017
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  6. Oct 2, 2017 #6
    sanjuruby3

    sanjuruby3 Platinum IL'ite

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    I try to tell both of them on every fight. Mother cries to me and insists me not to talk to her about me or try to teach sis or give her any hint that I told you this. I can not stop and I directly indirectly advice my sis and they fight again. Its like endless.
    I know its going to end once she is away, mom is going to miss her so much and tables are going to turn. Moreover, both are going through emotions.

    About her jealousy against other girls, I think it is common in todays generation. They live through so much pressure and competitiveness. Parents compare to begin with.. See that girl of your age got this many marks, admissions etc etc. Thats where it starts. Then kids compare everything... mobile phones, gadgets, clothes, makeup, how many people to bring them gifts etc.
    Now at my age, I think of these things are stupidity but I think at some point, I might have compared myself to others and now I feel enlightened. For her, it has to come. I try to tell her my experience and not to waste her years in learning.
     
    sanjuruby3, Oct 2, 2017
    sanjuruby3, Oct 2, 2017
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  7. Oct 2, 2017 #7
    Sunburst

    Sunburst Platinum IL'ite

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    Your sister is still young and not married and someone who has been taken care of by her parents all her life. There is no end to comparisons and by comparing ourselves and trying to keep up with the joneses, she will always be unhappy , married or not . It's not just this cousin .Tomorrow she will get married have a new circle , new social life and then again the comparison will creep in . Today her fiancé may not say anything but if this continues , he may not tolerate it in the long run .

    She may not value anything she has right now because everything has been provided to her on a golden platter but wait till she gets married , have her own kids and slog all day to run a family . She will get a taste of her own medicine!
     
    Sunburst, Oct 2, 2017
    Sunburst, Oct 2, 2017
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  8. Oct 2, 2017 #8
    sindmani

    sindmani Platinum IL'ite

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    If a girl is made to feel less about herself by parents or someone its high time we realise and ask elders or others to provide constructive thoughts to young ladies. Otherwise over comparison is not common in today's youngsters. Even great rich people have day to day affairs , they also put opportunity cost for things that they might not have got. It is a passing phase , after marriage she will understand what is important
     
    sindmani, Oct 2, 2017
    sindmani, Oct 2, 2017
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  9. Oct 3, 2017 #9
    sanjuruby3

    sanjuruby3 Platinum IL'ite

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    I know that. I was similar in few ways till I separated from my parents. Its easy to compare, comment and say I did not get it all when you live with parents and they do everything for you. Once you are out, you know it hard it is to earn and take care. Its a phase.
     
    sanjuruby3, Oct 3, 2017
    sanjuruby3, Oct 3, 2017
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  10. Oct 3, 2017 #10
    sindmani

    sindmani Platinum IL'ite

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    Op, when u call her talk about her marriage plans , photographs, sarees and dresses, bridal makeup. Make her happy and excited about the great event and she will be the heroine of her event. :banana:.this will make her happy
     
    sindmani, Oct 3, 2017
    sindmani, Oct 3, 2017
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