problem with SIL

Lostsoul · Jun 29, 2010

I would have loved to start by saying I hate SIL.. but then that would hardly take away the anger i feel when the mere thought of her creeps into my mind.. and that is almost always...i try to consiously avoid thinking of her but i fail on most occasions.. hence i am becoming cranky, and irritable day by day...
Well she is already 24 years old.. but behaves like she is a baby.. to be pampered by all...including me.. i wold hav done.. infact i did it... till recently.. she has to get what she wants.. and mostly they are way to expensive or way to overboard...
Imagine her size of the brain when she competes with my DD who is 9 months old to get attention when she is not the center to attention any more.. infact she this aloud that she is being ignored because a baby is around..
When i got married.. i gave away some of the gold jewellary i got as presenst to her..big mistake... throwing it away would have been better..

My husband and i bought a place in this city where we both work.. his mom and sis live or lived in lucknow...my FIl expired b4 i was married.. and in this city we live with my dad almost thr'out the year.. and when MIL and SIL come over we go to our new house and live there .. till they go back again. my DH and I did not take any money from anybody and have pai for this house all alone.. so i consider this MY house..
Now all this was the background.. well i talk abt money coz SIL can emotionally blackmail my MIL and take expensive gifts from her .. all the time.. but we have nvr touched her money or my FIL's money...Infact we have told my MIL that she can giv all her money and FIL's money to her as we wont nothing to do with it... My SIL 's daily dialouge to MiL is that you dont love me.. u nvr loved me .. u only luv my brother or some other crap.. to which she makes my MIL cry everyday..all this to get her way...

So now this year we get her married .. rite... we do all the planning and the running around and we help out with the finances too.. and she gets married in the city I am currently residing in... all this when i was having a newborn with me... like from 9 months pregnant to when the baby was 2 months old.. i did all the plannng and some of the marriage plan execution too.. giving my baby 2nd priority and her first priority ( i wish i could get those days back)...But still she was not happy..

Then she went abroad with her husband and came back after 3 months.. he will be back later in the year... and MIL came down to the city to. so that we could all be together again (haha).. and this time madam in full of spite from being abroad returned .. what ! in like 3 months... I was in USA for 3 years and nvr bragged about it till today and here she is back after 3 months and thinks she is gods gift to us.. she bought us all CHEAp gifts like .. believe it or not those rotating broom brushes that u c on teleshopping network.. anyways thats not y iam angry.. when she was to return to her IL.. she is adamant that she will go alone. she knows nothing of this city.. she stays in one corner like north and we stay in the other corner like south .. also this was the first time she was to go to her IL's place after coming to Maike... but she would not listen.. my mil has no guts to speak to her.. only cry at her harsh words... and she gets into a fight with her brother.. so now she expects me to support her.. when i for the first time didnt support her.. instead supposrted the others.. she had the audacity to call me a B*^&$. IN MY HOME.. and all my mil did was to stay silen.. not even a potest.. my DH did protest .. but just asked both of us to shut up.. imagine my hurt.. first i take a stand to support their decision so that they dont look stupid in front of her IL.. and then i suddenly become the bad person... and then SIL goes on to say some more hurtful things at which point i pick up he baby and walk away to the bedroom.. then she gets on with her NATAK and starts abusing my ML again saying that it was all my MILS fault.. because of her forcing her she got angry and said bad things.. then she comes crying to me to say that she is very unhappy at her sasural... giving all silly reasons like her husband is kanjoos ( her reason to say ths - he owns 5 trousers only - i told u she was immature -- y my husband has only 4 and i nvr think he is kanjoos) and her IL dont knw how to eat out and have fun outside like visiting malls ( more of her foolishness) and how she is asked to eat well ( which Il will not tell the new bride to eat) and more ****.. all to cause emotional torture again... doesnt work on me .. but reduces my ML to tears again.. and all this turns into a story of how her life is so sad.. eveybody very kindly and convienintly forget that their DIL/ or DW has just been insulted...and this lady walks away scott free... even from my side...though i havent talked to her since.. it is no thanks to my mIL and DH who pretend like nothing ever happened and that everything is rosy and fine

there have beem so many issues where she has commented on my weight gain..( most of it normal during pregnancy) and how my body looked.. and like i began .. i end.. I HATE HER...

sorry for this long description... i dont know how much of this makes sense.. and how much of this is gramatically correct.. i just wrote in an effort to forget her.. though i dont knwo what will work.. she is making a mess of my life...just because i am giving her the power to do so.. but all the psychological thoughts are not working on the subconsious mind.. i have tried it all....

asuitablegirl · Jun 30, 2010

What a circus. If she ever calls you a bad name in your house again, you need to tell her "Excuse me, that was really rude. Don't call me that again." And I think next time she starts shouting at your mil you should tell them, "Mom, next time you come to visit I think you should come alone. What is the point in bringing her if the whole visit is going to be spent with her shouting and you crying?"

Tell your husband that you feel upset that his sister gets away with abusing on you and mil. Ask him to step in and stop her before she ruins another family visit.

And for your own mental peace, limit contact with her as much as possible. When she comes over, make plans to go out. If your husband and mil like her behavior, let them hang around her. Doesn't mean you have to.

aruna_077 · Jun 30, 2010

As you figured it out yourself, You give her the power and freedom to continue with this. So, next time she starts throwing tantrums, just ignore her.....go into your bedroom or go out. Let the daughter-mother sort it out.

Kruba_Arunan · Jun 30, 2010

I think your SIL is very spoilt, the people to be blamed - your DH and MIL.

Things cant go on like this forever, and she is quite grown up to understand this. Forget about her and what she wants to do to herself. After all she is just another individual, and even you made the great mistake of pampering her. But, you were not wrong, just that she doesnt seem to deserve your goodness. We are the writers of our destiny, so let her go her own way. But atleast now, remember, that she is not worthy of your goodness. Mark a line and let her know her limits, may not be in a rude manner, but strongly, she has no business calling you names. And atleast for sometime better stay away from discussions about her (by your MIL and DH). That should let them understand that their reactions when your SIL commented on you, was not right.

And ya, stay cooooooool. She needs to worry, not you...

Vennella · Jun 30, 2010

Lostsoul,

I can understand your feelings. Your SIL does sound like a spoilt brat. However, you should be happy now as she got married finally! Whatever she might be doing now, she will eventually need to get to her home and look after her own family. So rest easy now
But from now on, may be you should never give your opinion in her matters. In that way, she can never lose her violent temper with you!

tulipzz · Jun 30, 2010

I am on the verge of goign mad now. Every other post on this forum seems to talk of my MIL, my SIL or my DH...

My SIL is just the same. she never fights for attention with the baby. BUT rest all seems the same. She is 25, not yet married and thinks she is a gift to the planet. Also, she emotionally blackmails MIL saying you love bhayya more and gets them to buy her everything she wants. She used to work, but she stopped now (god knows why)...When I was 25, I was responsible. I didnt take a penny from my parents after I started earning. Infact I bought my dad a car. In these 3 yrs of being married, I've never seen her spending her money. Even when she was working. Not even for small gifts etc.

Yep, talking of the expensive gifts she wants, She generally asks her brother straight and emotionally keeps MIL under control. So the pressure to buy her stuff is from both MIL and SIL.

If you learnt a way to handle this kind, please let me know. I am clueless about it.

Lostsoul · Jul 9, 2010

Sorry everyone...I couldnt visit this site earlier... life does not give a lot of free time..:hiya

@ asuitablegirl - Its not like DH doesnt know or understand.. but like the pstrich wants to ignore everything in hopes that all unpleasent situations will vanish on their own..
@aruna_077 - Theoritically thats what i did... but in my own mind it didnt work.. the world sees that she does not effect me.. but me myself i hate her and it kills me like acid.. interfering with all good thoughts and taking over them..

@ Kruba_Arunan Nd Vennella- I dont know if her having got married is a solution for me... she is still the spoilt brat when she comes to visit her.. my thoughts- she is extra bad now making up for all the lost occasions when she plays the good DIL to her IL and DH and cannot throw a tantrum there.

@tulipzz - I am still trying.. i ignore her full time now.. easy coz mil stays in lucknow for most part of the year.. i only have to deal with sil when mil is arnd...

Finally everybody.. I want to ask an honest opinion from everybody.. how should i react to relation between DH and SIL.. you see my DH is very laid back about relationships and is bound by responsibility and duty ..so if there is a task he will show his best.. like in the case of where he got his sis married.. but in regular everyday to day scenario he will not bother about inconsequential small talk to just keep up appearances to sound like he is caring ( aren't they all like that :crazy)..Now my question is - should i like the good DIL to the family remind him to keep in contact with his sis or sis's DH or like in special occasions like festival or anniversary or b'day remind him to wish her or keep contact in general too.. or should i totally ignore my contribution in this.. as in if he remembers he calls - if he doesnt remember he forgets and it becomes a missed oppurtunity for him. I feel guilty doing the later and rotten abt myself doing the former.. what shld i do..