Problem with Parents

Hi dont be too hard on yourself. GIve what u can. It is a sticky situation & do save for urself also..........when we need it really noone will come forward with money.

I have been in similar situation with my folks & ILs .........gave them money when they wanted BUT when my dh was soooooooo sick & almost dying.........we did not have any savings & ofcourse cud not ask dear ones to return our money.........

HTH
Jaya

 

Hi Dear,

I am totally agreeing with Balamotwani........
Keep some money for emergency and give the rest to your parents.
They are asking for the life of another girl, you must be knowing how hard it is in India to get a decent family and think if you would love to see your own sister in pain for the rest of your life for some money.....
Your life has just started and I know managing with kids is really difficult and going for a good saving is also time taking.
But still she is your sister and they are your parents...........have they ever asked for money before for any other thing, if no, then they must be in crunch and nobody ever like to beg even to their kids unless its not that important........

Sorry to Varalotti Sir,
I read your reply in expectation that I will see something very unique suggestion, but I was hurted by your reply.....
You have told to give simply 1000/1500 dollars as a gift..........
I am not boasting, but we gave 60000 rupees last year to our needy relative, my hubby's maternal uncle........as a gift to her daughter (not asking for return) plus other things..........
And will continue to do so for all the poor relatives that we have.........
And we are here since two years only.............and also don't have a lump sum money as saving.............
But thing which is important is the life of a girl........and when she is your sister then matters is so sensitive that you should have asked your parents for money they need...........
Anyways, its your matter, deal with it.........and take care not to feel guilty after some years to see your parents/sister in pain.........

A hard truth is that..........you being a child is irritated by your parent's need and the irony is that you are saving money for your kid..........
Take care.

 

Dear Meeta,

I am moved to see your love and your giving. I am proud that I know a nice person like you. But, Meeta, this case is not as simple as it seems at the surface.

Let's look at the facts of the case. The lady says that her father has other ways of easily raising the money. If she had said, that but for this money, her sister's marriage will not happen, then my answer will be different.

Now, Meeta, 1500$ is about 60,000 Rupees and it goes a long way in an Indian marriage situation.

There is one thing we all tend to forget in a situation like this. And that is the emotional affordability of the gift. (and not just the financial affordability). If this lady could emotionally afford the full gift of the entire 10000 $, then this question would not have come to this forum at all. She would have just given away the money and would not have spoken about it.

Again, we can find out that her relationship with her parents, especially her mother is already strained. She is not happy about the way her mother calls her child. If you add an emotionally unaffordable gift to the scene, then you are inviting disaster. In any argument coming in future, out of desperation one side or the other side is likely to mention this transaction and then all hell will break loose.


From the way the question is worded we can easily discern that the woman could not emotionally afford it. If in this situation she forces herself to make a gift, I am afraid, her relationship with her parents will definitely take a big blow. I have known cases where the parents and/or children make gifts that they could not emotionally afford, and afterwards, they are permanently estranged.
That to me appeared as a very serious risk. And that's why I brought down the amount to 1500$ and instead of giving it as a loan, it could be given as a gift.

Giving is okay, Meeta. But we owe a duty to ourselves and our connections, not to hurt ourselves in the process. This lady has been saving for an emergency. And you know very well emergencies are galore here in the US.

So I still feel it will not be a wise decision to give away the entire money, either from the prudence point of view or from the emotional affordability point of view.

 

well lots of people have given rather good suggestions.one thing i want to point is when there is issue of financialy helping our inlaws we ladies always advice the fellow ladies to think twice but when it comes to helping our own family we tell them to take the plunge without thinking.
why these double standards. also many ladies have accused this lady of not being a good daughter as she is thinking twice before taking this risk but may i ask , only if helping someone financialy makes one a good person.
do not forget the lady with her husband & kid will have to travel to india to attend the marriage which too will cost her money .

 

hi Pragathi,

i think u r right!:clap


Sri

 

Dear Varalotti Sir,
After reading your explaination of emotional affordability, I think your suggestion was good. Probably, most of us seem to be more emotional rather than logical. If I would have taken it logically and went between the words of her letter, I would have spoke like you but I was looking onto the surface portion of her words, so could not notice her point of view.
Yeah, she can't afford the gift emotionally, otherwise she would not have spoke about it, could have given some money directly to her parents.
Thank you for explaining this in detail to me otherwise it was kind of shock to me to see this reply yesterday and could not get ur point of view from that. Now, I can say that its the best (perhaps) suggestion to give this kind of problem.
Thank you and regards.

 

Hello there!,
sorry to hear of your dillemma, also sorry to see the character malise thrown your way. My thoughts would be to keep in mind the emotional gift argument. Also contrary to what others are saying, your sister is not dying or of serious illness for you to just give away your emergency fund. Neither are your parents in any such dire need. Infact as I write this, given your parents situation you would be much wiser to keep some money away for real emergency's either your own or your parents. For the people who ask you to think about what your parents did for you- I'm sure they too never wiped their funds out just because you wanted a pricey dinner outing.

Give a gift you can afford,what ever sum you decide. Maybe you do decide to loan a sum to your father, I certainly wouldn't give it "all" away. One way would be to calculate on your own how long it will take "you" to replenish the sum you are willing to loan before you feel the pinch(just incase your dad isn;t able to give back the cash)- that way if you have your fund restored soon enough you too will be at ease as to when your dad will return the money. Any money he returns will only be a bonus.
All the best
~ N

 

What happened to your sister does she work? Think wisely before you do it.