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Problem with hubby's career.. advise needed please

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by Udasgirl, Oct 31, 2014.

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Oct 31, 2014 #21

Rihana Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

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Udasgirl said: ↑

No I would not dislike but I sometime think "is he really capable and good at work' as this has happened with him several times before (been laid off for some or other reason).... No way to find out how he is at work though .. I can only ask him and he showed me his performance appraisal last year and it was up to the mark
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You had some thoughts about "is he really capable and good at work" and it lead to him showing you the performance appraisal for last year?

Was this after his latest job loss?

Don't kick a man when he is down.

Rihana, Oct 31, 2014

Rihana, Oct 31, 2014

#21

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Oct 31, 2014 #22

ars Platinum IL'ite

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Op I feel you are dealings with your h is very aggressive. Why bother to see his work appraisal. You are not a teacher or mother to show his report card to prove himself to you. Be a wife a carring, supporive and a loving one.
At this age loosing a job is very common. Even switching jobs and working at differnt organizations is common too.
Thank God you don't have money issues and you can support the family. Imagine how a one income hosehold would deal with this. You are in a betteroff place.
See if he thinks he needs to fine tune any of his skills academically and support that.
Also, these Rahu Dasha Shani Dasha all play a part in our and our kids lifes too.
Only way to overcome is by prayer, patience and positive attitude.
Have faith in God.
Google, if you can donate something to pacify Rahu Dasha.
All the best.

ars, Oct 31, 2014

ars, Oct 31, 2014

#22

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Oct 31, 2014 #23

Ragini25 Platinum IL'ite

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If you think about it - if a woman kicks a man when he is down, judges him and asks him to prove his "capability" where he has to show his performance appraisal to his wife, such a wife can be called a 'Loser' even though it sounds harsh.

If you have a son - imagine if your daughter-in-law asks him to prove himself or nags him when he is down, imagine how you would feel if it was your son

Ragini25, Oct 31, 2014

Ragini25, Oct 31, 2014

#23
Nov 1, 2014 #24

kanthtx Gold IL'ite

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3.5 yrs at a company is decent in this time.... it is not a govt job..

lay offs are not a big deeal.. they happen to every one and in all countries.. u need to stop geting annoyed or proud and should stop accusing ur husband of not working..

u shud support him thru his search for next job.. if a person is incompetent they will be fired in months itself.. so stop cribbing as if u r on the high ground and start being normal... and be supportive..

i pity ur H ...

kanthtx, Nov 1, 2014

kanthtx, Nov 1, 2014

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Nov 1, 2014 #25

Rihana Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

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Udasgirl said: ↑

I hv been married for almost 7 years and hv 1.5 years old lil boy... I am really in shock and upset today.. we live in foreign country, both professionaly qualified.. my hubby lost his job yesterday.. he was working with very big international company (this employer since almost 3.5 years).

He is good human being (we had issues intially as ours was arranged marriage but got sorted eventually.. had gone through some tough times but its all ok now)...

. I am also working and money is not issue so far...
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1) Married 7 years.
2) 1.5 years old boy
3) Living in foreign country
4) Professionally qualified
5) Husband professionally qualified
6) Both working
7) Husband in big international company for past 3.5 years
8) Marriage going OK now

I want an advice as to -
how should i behave in such situation ?
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Count your blessings. I listed some above.

should i support hubby or not ?
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That's a question you want strangers on the internet to answer?

Udasgirl, a job for a man or woman is primarily a source of income. Don't make it a symbol of more.

Rihana, Nov 1, 2014

Rihana, Nov 1, 2014

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Nov 1, 2014 #26

RADIODOC679 Gold IL'ite

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Dear Op!
My 2 cents-My hubby also lost job-from 2.5years i am earning,from housewife to sole earning member-income has dropped to 10%.Do i leave him-no-Did i support him-yes?even his parents deserted him-Worst of worst-Still we are living-Supposedly 8th shani-& such things-Dear Life is never meant to be -----------------,heart also beats^--^---.If it was flat we are dead-SO cheer up-Buck up-Do your best,& leave the rest to God/fate /Rahu whatever-As good things donot last-bad things also donot-Cheers& prayers to you!!And of course you are always welcome to come & rant here .

RADIODOC679, Nov 1, 2014

RADIODOC679, Nov 1, 2014

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Nov 3, 2014 #27

Udasgirl Bronze IL'ite

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priya g said: ↑

Hi Udasgirl..please dont be udas firstly...do change your name. Sadness can only cause more worry.
regarding your hubby constantly losing his job..i guess he should strongly introspect and not repeat the mistake he had made. I hope he can identify what went wrong. there would definitely be a pattern..maybe a particular type of work that he gets has this future..or a particular behavior. Not to play a blame game but yes he can introspect and arrive at.
And all the best for his future interview. Please do some 5-10 min of meditation, both of you, to calm those nerves and attract positive energy.
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Thanks so much Priya for your advice

Udasgirl, Nov 3, 2014

Udasgirl, Nov 3, 2014

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Nov 3, 2014 #28

Udasgirl Bronze IL'ite

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ramya1979 said: ↑

In Corporate or MNC's, the top paid employees or go getter will loose the job due to economy. You Dont need to blame him directly or indirectly. More over IT jobs are highly risk. We had manager, very capable of doing any thing from engineering to Management job. He suddenly lost job due to various reasons and we were not aware untill the last day. Some times its noting to do with Performance. Take the example of CISCO. They laid off 3000 employees in 2013-14?. Can we think all are non performers?. Intel closed few groups in USA and still they are searching for jobs after 10 months?.

In the first thread, you were asking about, Can I support him?. What a Question?. Who else will support?.

Best Wishes to your DH to get new Job.!!
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Thanks !!!

Udasgirl, Nov 3, 2014

Udasgirl, Nov 3, 2014

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Nov 3, 2014 #29

Udasgirl Bronze IL'ite

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MalStrom said: ↑

Ragini took the words out of my mouth.
You both married each other for better or for worse.
Life will be filled with ups and downs. How would you feel if it was you going through job losses and your husband had such an attitude?
From what you write, he appears to be hard working but going through a streak of difficulties keeping a job. In today's economy this is not too surprising.
One thing to do is maybe consult a career counselor to see if there are any negative patterns he is repeating at work. Other than that, try to be as supportive as possible and remember: 'This too shall pass'.
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Thanks, carrier counsellor would be good options to try.. thanks

Udasgirl, Nov 3, 2014

Udasgirl, Nov 3, 2014

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Nov 3, 2014 #30

Udasgirl Bronze IL'ite

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KashmirFlower said: ↑

Hi op,

1. is is your husband an introvert type of personality? Problem in sharing ideas at work place? Or some one else constantly taking credit of his work, by playing politics? He is not introvert rather very good at talking and expressive.. YES sometime his credit at work is taken by someone else

if so he may need to change himself, personality wise.

2. Does he has ego issues (with boss mainly) ? You know this if he is egoistic type person. Boss may be disliking him. Boss waited for time.. NO Ego Issues

3. Sometimes if person is doing too well, then first threat is for his or her immediate mgr, if you don't know the tactics to deal with, the boss may dislike u. NO such case

His problem or rather most of the indians face this problem, that other white ppl always gets priority over brown skin... and unfortunately with my husband he start up with good people in his office but eventually some changes happen in team and he faces different/difficult to deal with boss... His does not get appreciation even after showing good skills whereas his peers would get it in spite of being not so good...

As u r married for that long u might've some vague idea what is the issue. Both Work towards it, and u two grow together, by correcting each other's flaws.
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My reply in BOLD in above text

Udasgirl, Nov 3, 2014

Udasgirl, Nov 3, 2014

#30

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