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Problem with hubby's career.. advise needed please

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by Udasgirl, Oct 31, 2014.

  1. priya g

    priya g Senior IL'ite

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    Hi Udasgirl..please dont be udas firstly...do change your name. Sadness can only cause more worry.
    regarding your hubby constantly losing his job..i guess he should strongly introspect and not repeat the mistake he had made. I hope he can identify what went wrong. there would definitely be a pattern..maybe a particular type of work that he gets has this future..or a particular behavior. Not to play a blame game but yes he can introspect and arrive at.
    And all the best for his future interview. Please do some 5-10 min of meditation, both of you, to calm those nerves and attract positive energy.
     
  2. ramya1979

    ramya1979 Bronze IL'ite

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    In Corporate or MNC's, the top paid employees or go getter will loose the job due to economy. You Dont need to blame him directly or indirectly. More over IT jobs are highly risk. We had manager, very capable of doing any thing from engineering to Management job. He suddenly lost job due to various reasons and we were not aware untill the last day. Some times its noting to do with Performance. Take the example of CISCO. They laid off 3000 employees in 2013-14?. Can we think all are non performers?. Intel closed few groups in USA and still they are searching for jobs after 10 months?.

    In the first thread, you were asking about, Can I support him?. What a Question?. Who else will support?.

    Best Wishes to your DH to get new Job.!!
     
    Last edited: Oct 31, 2014
  3. MalStrom

    MalStrom IL Hall of Fame

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    Ragini took the words out of my mouth.
    You both married each other for better or for worse.
    Life will be filled with ups and downs. How would you feel if it was you going through job losses and your husband had such an attitude?
    From what you write, he appears to be hard working but going through a streak of difficulties keeping a job. In today's economy this is not too surprising.
    One thing to do is maybe consult a career counselor to see if there are any negative patterns he is repeating at work. Other than that, try to be as supportive as possible and remember: 'This too shall pass'.
     
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  4. KashmirFlower

    KashmirFlower IL Hall of Fame

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    Hi op,

    1. is is your husband an introvert type of personality? Problem in sharing ideas at work place? Or some one else constantly taking credit of his work, by playing politics?

    if so he may need to change himself, personality wise.

    2. Does he has ego issues (with boss mainly) ? You know this if he is egoistic type person. Boss may be disliking him. Boss waited for time..

    3. Sometimes if person is doing too well, then first threat is for his or her immediate mgr, if you don't know the tactics to deal with, the boss may dislike u.

    As u r married for that long u might've some vague idea what is the issue. Both Work towards it, and u two grow together, by correcting each other's flaws.
     
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  5. sripree

    sripree Gold IL'ite

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    Whoa! LADY! Stop! He's your husband. And this kind of judgmental attitude is not going to help the situation!!! I am shocked at your response with someone who just lost his job.

    If you want to help - the only thing you can do is to be very supportive. That's the first thing a wife can do.

    He'll get a new job as you've stated. So nothing to worry. The economic climate is such that lay-offs are so common these days.

    First, you should make your home a safe place for everyone to be themselves - this includes, yourself, your husband and your child.

    No one should be scared to talk about each others' real feelings because someone else is going to be afraid of the reaction they will receive. If you continue this behaviour, I promise you - your husband will stop sharing more about his problems with you.

    Another thing - no one is perfect. Even inside an organisation - people are all not perfect. It's a matter of moving into a role where your skills are best suitable.

    Almost always, we, as humans need help with this area --- and this is where you come in. You are the one person who knows what your husband's strengths and weaknesses are.

    You have the power to motivate and steer your husband in the right direction. As a qualified wife, you should ideally, take on the position of your husband's professional mentor.

    To do that - the first step is understanding.
    As some in this forum already know - My husband quit his job now and is going back to school. Why? Because of my encouragement. Because I knew that he had so much more potential - but in a different area to what he is currently doing.

    You have to be the pillar of strength that your husband needs right now. If you don't offer that supportive environment - he will probably get it from somewhere - friends, family - anyone willing to offer that support. And maybe - heaven forbid, a female co-worker - this is how affairs start. If support isn't available at home when desperately needed, it will be sought outside.

    Please understand this and act constructively instead of criticizing him. See what is best for him and not that he has not performed well or anything. Maybe he is in a field he hates. I don't know. But there are so many things. Maybe he needs extra training on time-management. If you see this spilling over in other aspects of life, highlight and give positive, gentle measures to improve. He will be grateful and forever loyal to you.

    Think of it this way - if your son doesn't do well in school, what will you do? Will you scold him to do well or will you see what his problem areas are and spend more time trying to improve those areas. This is the same. Spend more time gently assessing and understand him first. Once you've discussed and agreed on areas that need improvement (with a LOT OF LOVE, in the conversations - not in a judgemental way) - go ahead and very gently help him get better.

    The key is gentleness and understand. Your husband should have full confidence in you that you are his well-wisher and will support him through thick and thin - and really trust in his abilities - whoever else doubts him.
     
    2 people like this.
  6. ramya1979

    ramya1979 Bronze IL'ite

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    Risk is beyond the doubt after seeing Such posts.
    Every one want excellent Secured job in large company. Family never allow any one to exercise creative talent or to follow the heart. Always think about the Family n Kids and Save the job (Like politicians save the portfolio).

    Loosing Job in MNC or any corporate is not only employee problem. Its the management who hired him doesnt give proper job or unable to get projects or weak sales team and many other factors apart from lacking of technical capabilities.


    Failure is not tolerated in the Indian Society which is the only reason for not being creative. The main reason for all these failures are no Support system from the family and dear ones. Your post clearly shows the same. Its not only you. We are all sailing in Same boat. Be with Good Spirit. Before doing all the Dosha Pooja, Ask god to give lot of Peace of Mind .
     
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  7. ramya1979

    ramya1979 Bronze IL'ite

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    Whenever one door closes, another one opens. Is Positive attitude.
    When my husband looses the job: He never going to get or even if he get, he can’t sustain for long time. Is Negative attitude.

    Living with uncertainty can be uncomfortable, but you can control how you look at it.

    I have seen personally many ups and downs. The layoff totally depends on the economics and only 10% with average rankings. I have seen many times, dumb guys will sustain their Jobs where as IIT’ians will lose because of the salary higher bracket.

    Listen to your heart and support him. With your support system and he will definitely get a job.
     
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  8. perfundo

    perfundo Silver IL'ite

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    I think it is time for you to stand up and be counted. when money is not an issue, just let your husband recover from the jolt. losing a job is tough on anyone.

    If I were you, I would simply tell him to take it easy, just be there with him and always support him and tell him to think through and decide what he wants. getting laid off multiple times is painful, I would talk to him and encourage him to take up something else altogether that he loves, he gets laid off because maybe he doesn't love his job so much and does it just for someone's sake.
     
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  9. yellowmango

    yellowmango IL Hall of Fame

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    Op...how would you feel if you were in his place and he felt this way about you?When you are married and love your spouse....you stand by them no matter what.Your husband is getting into good jobs and has good qualifications....but even if it was a case that he wasn't really the success one hoped for ...or was a' loser '....even then he is your man.A husband in a good marriage is the same as your children are to you.....you support them all...no matter what.

    You are lucky that you are not solely dependent on him.You can support him without worrying about your basic running of the household. Stand by him in this hr....even if you feel this is not the last time you will have to do that. You try to improve your performance at work....

    There is a lot more to look forward in a marriage if basic needs are being met. Try to find happiness in your life with him .....whether he is in a job or not. When he does get one ...that will just add on to your happiness.
     
    Last edited: Oct 31, 2014
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  10. smileyrose

    smileyrose New IL'ite

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    You feeling concern is okay but thinking that your hubby is looser etc and trying to judge him is very bad.
    Whats your qualification lady. ??? why dont you do job and support him.


     

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