Problem with grandmother...Urgent

asuitablegirl · Jul 17, 2009

Marigold,

I also think you should take your grandma to the doctor to see if she is having dementia. If she was not always like this, it could be something mentally wrong.

Also, in situations when we can no longer care for elders because their needs surpass the help we are able to provide, then I don't see anything wrong in an old age home. Doctors, nurses, and professional caretakers are better at handling these types of problems. Being born a son or daughter does not automatically make us super fit to take care of our elderly parents.

You know, I read an article the other day about a young girl where I live. She has very severe mental problems and her parents can't keep themselves or the girl safe from her own behavior, so they had no choice but to send her to a mental institution. That might sound sad, but when our family members behavior is beyond what we can handle alone, it's time to involve other people in their care. There's no shame in that.

I feel bad for your parents having to go through so much stress. Although I'm sure your mom loves her mother, it's also time for her to think about her own health. JMO.

shakambari · Jul 17, 2009

Dear Marigold,

Your grandmother is suffering from severe dementia or Alzhiemers disease.

You shud immediately consult a neuro or a neuropsychiatrist.

A ct scan should determine her condition.

There are good medications available to calm her aggression and improve her logical behavior.

Then her condition and peace in ur family will become better.

This is from my own experience at home.

I know this is a very truamatic time for u and ur parents...

Be bold...this too shall pass.

Drpreethis · Jul 17, 2009

I agree that she must be having something troubling her nerves.. Else, she wouldnt be going uncontrollable this way with temper and behaviour.
But wether she has Alzhiemer's or dementia I am a little doubtful since you say, she behaves normal when in her own house and only becomes aggressive and troublesome when around her daughters.. Is ther something called ' Selective Alzhiemer's ' ?? :bonk

I agree, when you say your mommy is old enough to take care of her mommy now.. Yeah. It is not easy. But when she has an own home why does she live with your mommy or your aunts ? If she can live on her own , I mean needing no physical support then she could isnt ? Maybe one of you of the next generation should tell her to not trouble their parents this way. Or , if that is going to be difficult, then as Mrs.Padmini said a super classic home or a nurse to handle her and cut her visits solely to trouble daughter's peace could be could be thought of. How about visitng a Psychiatrist and taking his/ her opinion ? Not her, one of you.

anoop2007 · Jul 18, 2009

Dear Marigold,

I think your Grandmother seeks attention.She is selfish that she is not caring for others.Try to give her some resposibilities that would make her feel important.She may be like this because she may have a feeling of insecurity.I am not blaming anyone.All elders have the same thinking.Also include her in all ur family discussions and ask her suggestion also.Acknowledge her.This can bring in some change.

If I have offended anyone in my statement ,I apologize for it.I didn't mean to hurt anyone.

Regards,
Anoop2007

tashidelek2002 · Jul 18, 2009

I have to concur with the other posters who are thinking this might be Alzheimers/dementia. With those conditions there are good days and bad days so if her behavior varies day to day that can be explained. Just because she was a problem forever doesn't mean that she is not now also the victim of Alzheimers. I suspect that her husband has been ameliorating the sitaution for a long time, perhaps putting too much strain on his advanced age. Many times this only comes to light when the caregiver becomes ill themselves.

I would suggest hiring a full time nurse even if you have to pay them extra to get your through this period until you can figure out how to proceed longterm. Your mom needs some support as do the rest of you. Grandma should love the attention of her own nurse (God give that poor nurse the strength to do it....thats why I suggested extra pay). Over some time these things become clear so hang in there.

shakambari · Jul 18, 2009

Drpreethis said: ↑

I agree that she must be having something troubling her nerves.. Else, she wouldnt be going uncontrollable this way with temper and behaviour.
But wether she has Alzhiemer's or dementia I am a little doubtful since you say, she behaves normal when in her own house and only becomes aggressive and troublesome when around her daughters.. Is ther something called ' Selective Alzhiemer's ' ?? :bonk

Dear preethi,

Alzheimers shud not be ruled out becoz I have 1 st hand experience as a care giver and one of the classic symptoms is

urinating everwhere ( no normal person however unrefined will do this.this only irritates people at home when they dont understand the prob)

aggressive behavior -to the extent of affecting people around them and reducing them to a nervous breakdown(it happened to me)

uninhibited behavior-Spitting etc...

And even I thought the affected person had selective amnesia like our politicians but it was not so ...

Consult a doctor without the patients presence.They will advice u.

They have a set of questions (30 or so) ...with that they arrive at a diagnosis and then do a scan...

Once medication starts they cant be cured but they become much manageable and theit quality of living improves...

It maybe some other dementia also...BUT medical attention is a crying need of the hour.
Click to expand...

drjp · Jul 18, 2009

Absolutely agree with Padmini. If you do not want to put her in nursing home, get help, get a maid or a nurse. Some of these reactions could be her way grieving because her husband is dying!!!
Eveyone, needs some their time, get domestic help.

Marigold123 · Jul 21, 2009

Thanks freinds,

Thank you all for the time and effort. We have trying out many means to being her to normal..all in vain..<?xml:namespace prefix = v ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-com:vml" /><v:shapetype id=_x0000_t75 stroked="f" filled="f" path="m@4@5l@4@11@9@11@9@5xe" oreferrelative="t" o:spt="75" coordsize="21600,21600"> <v:stroke joinstyle="miter"></v:stroke><v:formulas><v:f eqn="if lineDrawn pixelLineWidth 0"></v:f><v:f eqn="sum @0 1 0"></v:f><v:f eqn="sum 0 0 @1"></v:f><v:f eqn="prod @2 1 2"></v:f><v:f eqn="prod @3 21600 pixelWidth"></v:f><v:f eqn="prod @3 21600 pixelHeight"></v:f><v:f eqn="sum @0 0 1"></v:f><v:f eqn="prod @6 1 2"></v:f><v:f eqn="prod @7 21600 pixelWidth"></v:f><v:f eqn="sum @8 21600 0"></v:f><v:f eqn="prod @7 21600 pixelHeight"></v:f><v:f eqn="sum @10 21600 0"></v:f></v:formulas><vath o:connecttype="rect" gradientshapeok="t" o:extrusionok="f"></vath><o:lock aspectratio="t" v:ext="edit"></o:lock></v:shapetype><v:shape id=_x0000_i1025 style="WIDTH: 11.25pt; HEIGHT: 24pt" alt="0" type="#_x0000_t75"><v:imagedata o:href="http://www.indusladies.com/forums/images/smilies/idea.gif" src="file:///C:\DOCUME~1\USHADE~1\LOCALS~1\Temp\msohtml1\01\clip_image001.gif"></v:imagedata></v:shape>.....My mum does not want to leave her in old age home...so no other..."Something cannot be cured has to be endured" rgt????

We have even tried having nurse...but she drives them away in just a single day...she hurts (verballly) them so badly that they all run away in just one day even given lot of pay....becos she has strong opinion it is daughter's duty to serve them..she expects only her daughters to take her to toilets, clean her legs, was her, dress her..though they are in most unfit condition...Anyway guys..Thanks lot for your replies...Will post updates soon...

Regarding my grandfather he is bed ridden for more than 4 months with brain stroke …again..my mum & dad has been taking care for him all these days and now atlast exhausted with no more energy left for their survival..they have appointed full time nurse in the hospital..still unable to manage the stress...I want my grandpa's soul to rest in peace...please do offer prayers for him..He sld be relieved from all the pain and suffering..I cannot see neither him nor my parents suffering too much...There is no one to help but for GOD..please please offer your prayers for a betterment

orion80 · Jul 24, 2009

Hi Marigold,

Feeling really sorry for your mom and dad. They are going thru a lot.

From what i can gather from your posts, your grandma is used to having her way since a long time and this is not a sudden development in her behavior. Why dont all of you sit and talk to your grandma? Tell her that you would love to have her stay with you but you are not able to bear her tantrums. And if she continues like this, you will have no option but to put her in an old age home.

See if she changes after this, else check out for a good old age home. What you and your parents are going thru now is itself a very tough phase. Your grandma neednt add her own tantrums to that. If she cannot see that fact, then you neednt risk your mom's health for her tantrums.

-Lakshmi