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Problem with ex-bf

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by diyakilight, Feb 23, 2010.

  1. diyakilight

    diyakilight New IL'ite

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    hi all,

    maybe you can help shedding some light on this matter and also tell me how to deal with it.

    I had a long-distance "relationship" before marriage with a guy, which fell apart because he left me for another girl. I was heartbroken and rather depressive, but managed to get over it, also mainly because of my (now) husband, who showed me the positive aspects of life and with whom I slowly but steadily fell in love with in the process. (I am experiencing some problems with my husband and we are working on them, but they are not related to the problem I want to state her.) Getting over my ex was not easy, he was my first love and I felt a deep connection towards him and we shared a lot of interest. But it was not meant to be.

    As said, my ex had left me for this girl, who left him only a few months after... My ex wanted me back, but for me there was no question to it.
    In the mean-time my husband and I had decided to get married. On our civil marriage day, my ex had a mental breakdown and had to be admitted to an asylum. I got to know that though his sister.

    Anyway, time passed. He got married and has a very sweet child now. I usually send him a birthday greeting, and we change updates. For me that is enough. For him its not.

    So now here lies the problem. From time to time he sends me short emails in the morning. If I don't react, he bombards me with further emails (where are you? why are you not replying? please reply, need to know that you are well) . I have told him repeatedly that I do not wish to stay in contact like this and if it wont stop, I will severe all ties (the birthday greetings) altogether. I cannot block his address because it's my business account he writes on. Then the emails stop for a while, but after a few months start again. Is he insane? Or am I? I wish I was strong enough, not to react.

    Any ideas, how I can really make him stop?
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Mar 3, 2010
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  2. sarajara

    sarajara Gold IL'ite

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    Oh My!

    That;'s a terrible situation dear!

    Very sorry for you.

    But i have a question . Why did u start sending all those greeting stuff?

    Out of symphathy? There is a simple pshychology. To such ppl who feel obsesed with their love for some one they should not get any source of hope.
    It would not only prove bad for them but for us too.

    It might sound rude to neglect someone who needs our attention , but, its much better that we do not worsen their condition and our life too by showing some kindness.

    Coming to the current issue.Simple ignoration is much better than anything
    just put his emails in spam account- atleast you would not get to read them.

    You contacting him any more would make him feel that you are a bit inclined to him.

    And of all Please let your husband be aware of the happenings. Not that you are affected by that, but let him know that your ex is trying to contact you and that you are avoiding him. Hiding such info might create some unwanted troubles in the future.

    Cheer up and nothing to worry!
    All the Best!:thumbsup
     
  3. ALPA

    ALPA Platinum IL'ite

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    HI,
    he is your ex, why do you even have to send birthday greetings and updates forwhat, he left you for another woman and now he wants you back, he want to control you.
    Ask him politely to not to email you and cut al connections with him and also inform this to your husband and if not then sort it yourself, you need to get out of the past, seems you are not over him, let go of him, ignore all his emails even if he eamils you, just give him a cold shoulder.
    You are married now and have a husband who loves you why do you want to spoil it.

    love
    alpa:cheers

     
  4. lovelymom

    lovelymom New IL'ite

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    hi,

    I feel sorry for u. But once u have ended a relationship please put a clean full stop to it. Though u have the right intention of maintaining friendship with him, I don't think it will work out in this case.

    As sararaja told, put it in the spam account and dont pay attention to that. U can inform ur husband abt this just in case. But u would be the right person to judge whether he would be able to understand ur situation.

    Saying a clear 'NO' is a great art. Trying using it here. It will help u a lot.

    Love and regards,
    lovelymom.
     
  5. Malavika81

    Malavika81 Bronze IL'ite

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    Mark his emails to go to the trash or junk folder directly and don't read them?
     
  6. vmtaurus

    vmtaurus Bronze IL'ite

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    I agree with Malavika. You can block email addresses in any company....any email client gives you that privilege.
    My honest advice..this guy dumped you...do NOT be in touch with him..he sounds seriously disturbed..and not to forget needy.
     
  7. Malavika81

    Malavika81 Bronze IL'ite

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    My instincts say there is more to this story and certain details are conveniently missing :)
     
  8. ShilpaMa

    ShilpaMa IL Hall of Fame

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    Diya, I dint get chance to read the entire post and the exact scenario.

    However to other ladies.. whats the need to block a person? So if you meet in public will you turn your face and run away as criminals? Also one might not go ahead and introduce the spouse to that person as ...hey meet my X, I slept with this person 1 or n times.. but may definitely say a hello and this is how I came to know about him/her.

    Cant people part on good note and still touch base and provide them their updates if they contact yearly or a bigger duration? Is it a cheating to their spouse... and do we need to share all that detail with spouse.... hey see my X contacted me after so many years & I updated this/ that?
     
    Last edited: Feb 25, 2010

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