1. How to Build Positivity in Married Life? : Click Here
    Dismiss Notice

Problem regarding Indian culture (that I mean relationship with my bhabhi) HEEEELLLLP

Discussion in 'Relationship With In-Laws' started by id1234, Dec 13, 2013.

  1. id1234

    id1234 New IL'ite

    Messages:
    2
    Likes Received:
    0
    Trophy Points:
    1
    Hello to everyone, especially the ones who can help me in understanding indian culture and family relationship limits and normal behavior.
    well, I have been married to my husband since 7 months and we love each other enormously, it's a love marriage thing. I belong to other country and my husband is from India. Now we are living with his mom, dad, bro and his bro's wife. Well, I am being very nice person since this how I was brought up and I have no issues with my in-laws, but one person that gets me sad is his bro's wife. She always seems concerned about my husband, being sooo nice to him, as if I am not there...or....whenever he stands watching TV, she must somehow be near him, when we went for a trip together....I noticed she stood right near to my husband watching some fish in the lake ...I find this weird....she isnt so much concerned abt me as she is when it comes to him. I don't know what to do....I gave her small hints but seems she doesn't understand. And yes I can cook all Indian food and I can take care of my husband very nicely. HEEEELLLLLPPPPPPPPPP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
     
    Loading...

  2. peet1983

    peet1983 Silver IL'ite

    Messages:
    273
    Likes Received:
    170
    Trophy Points:
    93
    Gender:
    Male
    Re: Problem regarding Indian culture (that I mean relationship with my bhabhi) HEEEEL

    I believe the incidents you narrated is must be a coincidence and might not be intended. There is nothing like that she cant talk to your hus or stand with him as she possess his sisters position in your family.

    So through out the suspicious thoughts from your mind and live the life peacefully.
     
    1 person likes this.
  3. manu2009

    manu2009 Silver IL'ite

    Messages:
    113
    Likes Received:
    65
    Trophy Points:
    68
    Gender:
    Female
    Re: Problem regarding Indian culture (that I mean relationship with my bhabhi) HEEEEL

    hi id1234,

    congratulations on your wedding and welcome to india.
    I appreciate your efforts to understand the indian culture so you can mold yourself into it. this itself shows how nice you are. :2thumbsup: let me share some tips with you.
    it is a well accepted fact that in india marriage is between two families, not just two individuals, so you have to accept the whole family as part of the marriage. glad that you do not have any issues with your in-laws....keep it up!
    as for the bhabi, find out how many years have passed since the bro's marriage....
    since then the bhabi has had partial authority. if your hubby was real young at the time of their marriage, the relation would have been either mother-son type, bcoz elder bhabi is in place of mother and many-a-times referred to as BHABI-MA, or the relation could be as between best of friends, since in india BHABI-DEVAR is a real special relation. it is possible she is feels you may not be capable of taking care of the family (as is expected of a BAHU- dil) since you are new to indian culture.....you can try this: request your bhabi to teach you some very homely activities like:
    how to decorate a flower vaze
    how to serve food in a traditional manner (there r rules as to where to serve what)
    if you draw rangoli, ask her to teach you the same and if you already know it ask her to help you draw on

    unless you mingle with her, her behavior may not change. her hubby also may not find it weird due to the earlier relationship mentioned


    try to show her how things are in your country. by the way which country did you belong to? now u r an indian! sharing similarities between the two cultures with build a bonding between the two of you....once you make friendship with her, things wil come to normal.

    also, if your in-laws permit try to incorporate some traditions from your culture into the family. (take your hubby into confidence) being multi-cultural is an enriching experience. so enjoy the best of both the cultures.
     
    2 people like this.
  4. Metamorphic

    Metamorphic Platinum IL'ite

    Messages:
    477
    Likes Received:
    1,021
    Trophy Points:
    248
    Gender:
    Female
    Re: Problem regarding Indian culture (that I mean relationship with my bhabhi) HEEEEL

    Start being exxtraaa nice to her husband (your H's bro), as if she doesn't exist ....This will straighten her out ...
     
    4 people like this.
  5. songbird46

    songbird46 Gold IL'ite

    Messages:
    156
    Likes Received:
    263
    Trophy Points:
    123
    Gender:
    Female
    Re: Problem regarding Indian culture (that I mean relationship with my bhabhi) HEEEEL

    While Manu2009 is right about the mindset of Bhaabi as almost -mother, she's acting very strangely like a traditional mil if she is ignoring you. Nobody should be allowed to do that. So just observe her for a while. If she is behaving this way only to you then you need to ask her gently if you can ask her advice on things and draw her Into conversation. If that doesn't work maybe subtly ask your husband -mind you, men are totally obtuse! Ignore her behaviour and concentrate on building a rapport with the others.
     
    2 people like this.
  6. Rihana

    Rihana Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

    Messages:
    12,481
    Likes Received:
    30,224
    Trophy Points:
    540
    Gender:
    Female
    Re: Problem regarding Indian culture (that I mean relationship with my bhabhi) HEEEEL

    Time for big hints. When your DH is watching TV, go plant yourself on his lap. Or wrap your arms around his neck (gently!) from behind. Or cover his eyes with your fingers, and ask him to guess. Bite off half of a chocolate and offer him the rest; when he reaches for it, put it in his mouth yourself.

    If you see smoke coming out of your bhabhi's ears, problem has been solved.
     
    8 people like this.
  7. Radhai

    Radhai Platinum IL'ite

    Messages:
    1,760
    Likes Received:
    4,258
    Trophy Points:
    283
    Gender:
    Female
    Re: Problem regarding Indian culture (that I mean relationship with my bhabhi) HEEEEL

    Ahem.. you mean..problem is confirmed..
     
    4 people like this.
  8. Rihana

    Rihana Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

    Messages:
    12,481
    Likes Received:
    30,224
    Trophy Points:
    540
    Gender:
    Female
    Re: Problem regarding Indian culture (that I mean relationship with my bhabhi) HEEEEL

    You are saying problem should be confined? :)
     
    1 person likes this.
  9. id1234

    id1234 New IL'ite

    Messages:
    2
    Likes Received:
    0
    Trophy Points:
    1
    Re: Problem regarding Indian culture (that I mean relationship with my bhabhi) HEEEEL

    I am very very happy for your comments to my statement....I know I don't belong to India, my mindset should be broader...it is broader....but when I see something that I don't even see in my country..how can I be ok with it? well....I have been noticed her for a longer period of time...and her behavior towards my H is totally like she is the bigger sister and as if she has the mission to take care of my husband too when she has her husband to take care off. I understand this care thing when my husband wasn't married....but now is different....now he has got a wife with much more experience and ability to cook and to take care....I am not much into care when comes to my bro-in-law or other members as I don't have this in me....I can't understand Indian culture regarding family members at all. For now we can't move to live separately...but I do support my husband a lot. There are many instances that I have been noticing in her...I told my husband too....he got mad once....then after sometime he saw me crying.....he understood the real problem...and when I said whenever my bhabhi and her husband are going somewhere...I am not going to go with them...I am trying to avoid ppl who hurt me....well maybe sooner or later my in-laws will notice...but this is the only way to keep myself aside from troubles....or maybe in her family she is also sooo caring....or is trying to prove she is the best as I am the new bahu....
     
  10. Priyas660

    Priyas660 Silver IL'ite

    Messages:
    77
    Likes Received:
    75
    Trophy Points:
    58
    Gender:
    Female
    Re: Problem regarding Indian culture (that I mean relationship with my bhabhi) HEEEEL

    Id i can understand what you are feeling. But pls pls whatever happens do not tel your husband anything bad about your bhabi. He will definitely not agree. Even if you end up crying, he might accept it but it has to come from him. Meaning, unless and until he realizes it himself, you should not do anything.

    Handle this very tactfully. Be cordial, try to maintain a cordial relationship with your bhabhi. Don't give out too much information. If you do not want to go out with her and her husband , do not be so direct about it. Make some excuse and make it sound that you would have loved to but you can't due to so and so reason.

    Don't react to any of her actions. Maintain your cool and play the game well. Follow the tips given by Rihana above.
     
    Last edited: Dec 13, 2013
    3 people like this.

Share This Page