Problem in learning cooking!!

vasavi84 · Feb 14, 2011

Hello ILites,

I am married since 5 months and I am staying with my husband ,MIL . Both my MIL and myself are working women.I have a issue but not sure as how to resolve it !!

First of all I dont know cooking.I never cooked to anyone before at my mom's palce. Now I am really keen to cook . Since I never even have basic idea of cooking I tend to make lot of mistakes while I am helping out my MIL. She always uses harsh tone if I do mistakes. I alwaya fear of making mistakes when I am in kitchen.

But I thought i should give a start for cooking otherwise I never learn.Recently I started preparing few dishes.One day she came to me when i was cooking in kitchen and she said "you please do not cook at all. i cant even digest watever you are preparing"...!!

Then again i left cooking completely and I just used to help her out in kitchen.Then again one day I cooked she said " I dont like your cooking!!"

Again I stopped and this cycle repeated once again.

My problem is I want to learn cooking.It might take some time for me to make it perfectly.I need oppurtunity and time. I am ok if she say what mistakes i am doing while cooking,after all she is experianced person in kitchen. But she is stopping me completely. She just expects me to help her out(cutting vegetables, giving her ingrediants in hand while cooking) .
And one more bad part is she gives a feedback to relatives,neighbours,servant maid that I dont do anything , everytime she has to suffer in kitchen, her daughter is too good in cooking...and I am useless...

Plzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz help me out !!Plzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
:drowning

armummy · Feb 14, 2011

Hi OP,
Initially why don't you just cook for yourself and see how things are turning out. If anyone objects tell them you want to learn and you don't want to waste food, hence cookign for just one to see how it will turns out. One good idea is cook in the morning and take it for lunch.

If something turns out good , Then ask your husband to try.

Get a cook book and try something new , Find out your husband tastes and try dishes according to his choice.

Go slow, No need to take your MIL's comments to heart. You may have other skills which you are good at than cooking which you will slowly learn.

satchitananda · Feb 14, 2011

hi vasavi,

as i see it you have two options:

1. either you tell your mil that yes, you do not know cooking and would appreciate it if she taught you how to cook. keep your eyes and ears open when you help her out in the kitchen and observe. i know it makes one nervous when someone is harsh, but you can't change her.

2. continue doing what you are doing and attend cooking classes on weekends. once you gain confidence, you could slowly try doing something at home.

all the best.

asuitablegirl · Feb 14, 2011

Tell your mil you'd like to try again, but ask if this time, she can advise you step by step. If she complains about your cooking, ask her "What could I have done differently to make this dish better?" That way you know next time what to look out for. When she is cooking, try to watch closely to see how she does things. Then try to copy that when you making something. And like I said, ASK HER FOR STEP BY STEP HELP!

Also, I agree with Armummy, GET A COOKBOOK! That way even if your mil does not want to help you, you'll be able to use the cookbook for recipe ideas. I was not born cooking good either. But now after some years of practice, I'm a really good cook. I think that's how it is with most people... practice makes perfect. Good luck!

Rakhii · Feb 14, 2011

When i first started cooking, I also was like you...getting scared, putting too much/too little salt etc. What came to my rescue was internet! You have so many recipes for EVERYTHING floating around. I bought measuring spoons and used to follow the recipe to the T. Trust me, you will not fail if you follow the instructions.
Dont do guess work. Wake up early and set aside ample time. Take a print out (from work) what you are going to cook next day, make sure you have all the ingredients and start and follow the recipe to the T. Good luck.

thats how I learned cooking.

aniShekar · Feb 14, 2011

I agree with the others.....have you checked out chitvish's posts here on this site? they were of immense help to me.

Don't give up your efforts because of your MIL's snarky comments...I've been married for more than a decade now, but my MIL still finds it difficult to appreciate wholeheartedly.....it's funny to observe her at times - she'd like the dish, and would say so, but she still would desperately cast around for something negative about about it!

asuitablegirl · Feb 14, 2011

Try googling "show me the curry". Those girls have AWESOME recipes that are usually quicker versions of Indian classics and easy too. I have made so many recipes from that site and 99.9% come out great for me. They even have videos of themselves cooking the meals, so you can follow along.

sadwife · Feb 14, 2011

Probably your MIL is stopping you from cooking since she's worried that you'll become a better cook than her. Only God knows.

Tell her you'll never learn to cook if she doesn't allow you to cook at all.
Next time she complains to others, with a smile say that you want to cook but she doesn't allow you to cook. If she says the dishes prepared by you don't taste good, tell her no one can be an expert even from the beginning. So you need to keep cooking and keep experimenting.

Or tell that lady that you admire her cooking. You really wish to be a great cook like her and would be very happy if she could slowly teach you everything. Tell her to be patient with you even if you do mistakes since you are LEARNING!!!!

Ranchu · Feb 15, 2011

While you are helping out in the kitchen, why dont you put all the ingredients in the stove. that way you also get to learn and your MIL also gets the satisfaction that she cooked.

Also when she says its bad, how does the food actually tastes ? are you able to eat that food? if yes, then ask her what is missing (politely). see if she helps you identify the problem.
If she is willing to help use it up. If she shrugs off then try on your own or trick her into helping you.

justanothergirl · Feb 15, 2011

Vasavi
I think the bigger problem here is that ur MIL is not ready to share her kitchen. Your cooking skills are not the real issue. I am pretty sure when she got married her cooking skills werent all that great either. People master it over time ..years infact.
Dont let her negativity get u down dear. Its wonderful that you love cooking. Help her out in the kitchen .Compliment her cooking and ask her to teach ..but that alone may not be enough. Some women just dont want to share the kitchen. Tell her every once in a while you would love to make a dish..set a time say couple of times a week . Tell her you will cook either before she cooks or after. Make enough for two to taste. U and ur hubby. Dont make much . When she says "I cant digest ur food " tell her sweetly "Dont worry I am just cooking for myself .After all if I dont cook how am I going to learn? "
Be brave. Cook away to glory. Pick easy recipes. Ask ur mom for simple ones like the ones she learnt when she was newly married. Ask ur hubby to taste. I am sure he will appreciate all ur effort .Compliments verbal and non-verbal will follow :thumbsupIt will take time and u will gain confidence over time.