problem faced by many ,but is there any typical solution

Why does she have to explain to a grown man? Her distribution of time seems fair. She should just smile, nod and continue what she is doing.

 

That's a very good argument for not visiting both homes. She should offer to skip in-laws trip.

Seriously?! A grown man doesn't understand why someone would want to spend time with their parents?!

This can work for her, too. She can promise to spend more time with his family "next time".

He is right, he needs to stop counting.

She needs to ignore this talk, stop explaining, and do what she thinks is right. Her children need time with both sets of grandparents. Parents and in-laws are both equally entitled to time with children, children-in-law and grandchildren.

It is very cruel to expect her to not visit parents when she travels to their country. notdonesmiley

 

Apart from this there does not seems any problem.
He is not actively trying to stop her? So just hear and ignore.

 

Op..your cousin should discuss this well before hand and not during the visit.
Let her tell him how unfair this arrangement is and she wants it to become fair.
Before the visit,get her to make the travel booking to her parents in advance.

As for husband's stupid arguments...even a child can make counter arguments.

It is not as easy as we say.....I have had to bear with this nonsense almost all my married life.We stay quiet or don't want to upset vacation...this that....but it just builds resentment. Every vacation time,I have this seething resentment against my in laws for the time lost,the time my kids and my parents didn't get to have.

I wanted to write something positive about inlaws in the new thread but this thread got all the resentment back.I am not writing anything positive about selfish small minded people.

 

once we have to goto inlaws place on a festival for around6-7 days....my all leaves were getting consumed into that and work condition were such that i was not able to take more leaves in near 3-4months...so i made a proposal to hubby that after celebrating the festival i will go to my parents place too for 2 days....
my hubby snapped that in 6 days dont make it here n there, keep it for one place only(Read keep it for inlaws place only).....so i replied innocently ok then i will make the plan for my parents place....he booked the ticket for both places .....

 

Not her parents op...the husband and wife have to talk it out and make the bookings in advance.

Op...these are the problems that need to be talked about in advance with her husband.The husband seems to be doing everything in his power to keep this unfair arrangement that benefits him and hs parents.

If your friend wants things to change,she will have to fight it out with husband now....he is not going to change without a fight because the status quo suits him fine .If she wants change,she has to do something about it.

Of course one can say this is the only sore point and everything else is fine between husband and wife.This holds good for the husband too.Everything is fine between him and his wife because he has a good wife.If this is bothering her ,then he is putting his good relationship with his good wife at risk too by continuing these cheap tricks.If she has to risk loosing some peace,so does he by continuing his behavior.

It is upto your friend whether she wants to lose a bit of peace for this or not.Whether this effects her enough to want to fight for it.If she is not that upset and if she is the kind who is not resentful and can let go of grudges from time to time...then this s fine. If she is going to get resentful with passing time,then it is worth the fight for better relationships with everyone including in laws.

Relationships with inlaws get better with time but sometimes the resentments of past unfairness over shadow the changes.