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Press 1 To 9 And Wait*

Discussion in 'Interesting Shares' started by jayasala42, Apr 7, 2022.

  1. jayasala42

    jayasala42 IL Hall of Fame

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    Press 1 to 9 and wait*
    The Mental Health Hotline
    Hello, and welcome to the mental health hotline.
    If you are obsessive-compulsive, press 1 repeatedly.
    If you are co-dependent, please ask someone to press 2 for you.
    If you have multiple personalities, press 3, 4, 5, and 6.
    If you are paranoid, we know who you are and what you want. Stay on the line so we can trace your call.
    If you are delusional, press 7 and your call will be transferred to the mother ship. If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and a small voice will tell you which number to press.
    If you are manic-depressive, it doesn’t matter which number you press, no one will answer. If you are dyslexic, press 969696969696969.
    If you have a nervous disorder, please fidget with the dash key until a representative comes on the line. If you have amnesia, press 8 and state your name, address, phone number, date of birth, social security number, and your mother’s maiden name.
    If you have post-traumatic stress disorder, slowly and carefully press 000. If you have bipolar disorder, please leave a message after the beep or before the beep. Or after the beep. Please wait for the beep.
    If you have low self-esteem, please hang up. All our operators are too busy to talk to you.
    If you have short-term memory loss, press 9.
    If you have short-term memory loss, press 9.
    If you have short-term memory loss, press 9.
    If you have short-term memory loss, press 9…"

    Jayasala 42
     
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  2. Thyagarajan

    Thyagarajan IL Hall of Fame

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    :hello: An interesting hilarious share of the ordeal of waiting for right person to come over phone. There would be hardly a person in urban society who wouldn’t experience this ordeal.

    This is more true if one tries to contact customer relations or PR Person dealing with repair services of their products such as washing & refrigerator machines or other equipment’s. I never used to get the person to talk to unless I endure the ordeal of waiting listening to the machine talk parrot like for over ten to fifteen minutes.

    Bitter experience with multi nationals viz., whirlpool and nationals lime Tata sky internet. Many of the call centres line after buzz connected to auto talk machine that will go on and on for eternity blabbering about various product range & services - just a phone call away- until the caller is fed up! These machines would make and speak sentences on selected language and switch over midway to some other local language.

    Once in an emergency, I called from Chennai - the call centre of a private bank and the lady spoke to me greeting in German.

    Thanks and Regards.
     

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