Pregnant but no peace of mind due to MIL

sadhana · Oct 5, 2007

Hi Ladies,

First the good news is that I am 2 months pregnant. But sadly i am not having any peace of mind due to my MIL.
I am married for the past 8 months. The basic problem is that my MIL does not believe me and always thinks that I would seperate her from her son. However hard i tried earlier to win her heart and please her, it seemed unfruitful. She is basically very possessive of her son and very dominating. But the trick is she never shows her real feelings out and always does sweet talk. She always shows out to my husband that she is very caring and treats me as her daughter. She says that I only have to start thinking her as my mother.

But the truth is how much ever nice I am to her, she starts comparing me with her daughters. She does not leave me alone anytime with my husband bec she does not believe me. She is in all ears if I speak something to my husband. All this irritates me a lot. After I got pregnant, I stopped giving importance to her words. When I am not present she talks about me to my husband about my shortcomings. She presents the case to my husband in such a way showing that she is very concerned about me. She foresees situations and talks about it to my husband beforehand so that it will be favourable to her in the end. My husband loves me a lot, but also believes his mother at the same time. He is the kind of person who loves both his mother and wife. So he talks only good about his mother. Most of the times, I patiently make him understand that whatever his mother says is not true to avoid my husband forming false opinions about me. But recenlty I am very frustrated. I feel very angry at the situations created by my MIL. I am afraid that this will affect my baby. I am fed up of forseeing situations and defending myself to my hsuband. I feel I need peace of mind. I feel he should understand me by now and not believe every word of what his mother says. I want to tell this to him but afraid that it will hurt him, since he believes his mother very much. My husband always tells me that I sould leave my mind free since everybody at home is good to me.

what should i do ?:-(

Sadhana.

sunkan · Oct 5, 2007

dear sadhana,
congrats, now let me welcome u to the world, yes, this is the world all are facing and you are not new here, but yes! u can make a difference to u and your child,
because the after effects of your problem of irritation you are going to bring about the worst in the baby, it will develop plenty of skin problems to being sensitive and so many other negative things you can do without, please start joining some yoga class to help train your mind to keep away negatives, and don't worry about your husband, he can very well see both you and his mother and knows the difference but being in the middle he cannot support any, so kindly try to be mum always for a long long period, here some one had brought a forward if u see it says what is the use of saying sorry after 50 yrs of marriage i want u to go through that article and please try to calm your mind, play a music, or go out and make friends, who can give you solace do not listen and let it affect in anyway about your mil, neither can u change her, nor can u change your tolerance so it is better to be in the picture without being there, even praying helps take up some slokam, i know it is tough, but it will keep her away for at least 20 minutes a day, and try to meditate...be strong, think of the child inside, wait for its movements, happy mother hood, think so many out there in the world are unable to even conceive, think how many woman are suffering with so many ailments and comeout of this with a positive attitude
all the best, come out of it not stay with it...:2thumbsup:sunkan

latamurali · Oct 5, 2007

Hai Sadhana

HEARTIEST CONGRATS

Hey come on yaaar. this is the time for celebration.........y do u want to worry,
dont worry unnecessarily, everybody have faced this problem, just ignore and be patience, this time u shld keep ur mind free and happy, if ur not so, definitely it will affect child , i dont know the problems techincially, but i know its not fair and i also heard that, my elders saying WHATEVER THE MOOD/THOUGHTS/ATTITUDE U HAVE DURING THIS PREGNANCY TIME WILL BE THE ATTITUDE /CHARACTER OF THE CHILD"

AND ONCE I MYSELF READ IN SOME MAGAZINE ABOUT THIS BY SUGI SIVAM "THE THOUGHT WE HAVE IN MIND AT THE TIME OF MAKING LOVE REFLECTS THE CHILD" he has expalined in detail with the quotes from our Puranams

So, be happy, be cheerful,pray GOD .do yoga,read good books, listen to music , go for regular check-ups,eat nutrious food and be active - these are the things ur supposed to do at this time

And,everything and everybody will change if they see the baby's face and even ur MIL's attitude towards u and her behaviour will change upside down

latamurali

sRamya · Oct 5, 2007

Hi

CONGRATULATIONS.......:clap

The problem that you have told exists in almost every alternate household..
Motherhood is something to be enjoyed & celebrated..don't care for all these routine issues at least during this pregnancy period..

Its true that your thoughts affect the growth of the child....keep in mind this..you will be ok...:tongue

latamurali · Oct 5, 2007

Hai Ramya

Welcome to IL

latamurali

jooti · Oct 5, 2007

hi, congratulations on your pregnancy!! enjoy this time, it is a wonderful exoerience. DOn;t let anyone ruin it for you! i know it;s easy to give this advice, but trust me, the pregnancy will go by really fast! Right now your bodyis going thru alot of changes, so Relax, and be at peace. When my il's would hurt me in my preganacy, i would listen to peaceful music (religious or not), i would think about my child. Remember that the stronger you are, the less likely they will affect you, People will always talk, we cannot stop them, we can just look forward. I let my IL;s affect m,e too much, i spoke out of turn with them, and now i really regret what it has done to my marriage, i know that my kid needs both mom and dad, i am workiing towrds a positive future for them. Please have a safe and wonderful pregnancy!
jooti:wave

ayeshanaaz · Oct 6, 2007

Dear Sadhana,

Pleased to hear the good news!!!!!!! Take care.

U seem to be exactly in my postion, when I was expecting my baby last year.I was frustating all the time because of my MIL & her conspiracies, i never had any peace of mind for all the nine months and u know what was the result...... i developed diabetics and was warned by doctors that my baby may also get it............. had to go on a strict diet...........excersise.........stress screening tests..........and what not............ALL THIS BACAUSE I WAS A FOOL TO TAKE MY MIL SERIOUSLY.

Just let go sadhana, let her say what ever she wants, let her make all new plans to disturb you.. BE STRONG... dont let anybody to neglect your baby.......... Remember this baby should be your TOP most prority......... what ever she does just tell to yourself.. I will reply you after 7 months.......... and please dear dont take any tensions, it will have very adverse effect on the baby.......

and believe me 90 out of 100 ladies n this forum are having the same problem as yours.......MIL PROBLEM......... so dont feel u r only one going through all this. We all have had and are still having our share of tensions from our MIL's. and as time goes you will master the art of defeating all your MIL's tactics. but as of now.....no tensions till the baby is in your arms.....

TAKE VERY GOOD CARE OF YOUR SELF, HAVE A BALANCED DIET, DRINK LOTS OF WATER AND BE HAPPY..........COME WHAT MAY.

Regards
Ayesha

sudhabatni · Oct 6, 2007

Hai sadhana,
First I would like to congratulate u that a new member is going to arrive :clap All the ILites members have given u some useful advises . Pl be cool. Now u r in the initial stage of pregnancy surely it effects the baby . Be positive. Some of the DIL's will have the same problem from MIL's.(not with every MIL) Because of my experience too I want to share u that 15 years of my marriage I also suffered with my MIL for 12 years. She squeezed me like anything . But only thing is that God has given me so much patience and everyday i used to pray that give patience and waiting for good days ahead. I am very fortunate that my husband is a very good person coz of his affection & love I was able to stay with her. So same thing u r husband is also good and caring so do u r responsibility and duty as DIL .Surely the day comes u r MIL will understand u .Any how still u r new to her coz u r recently married.

Now u r aim is to remove all the negative things and be positive towards u r MIL. U also talk with her softly and ask any suggestions from her and respect her as an elderly person and automatically she also understands u and definitely she likes you.
She also forgets everything when she become grandma.
BE POSITIVE AND STAY HEALTHY
Wishing u good luck and waiting for new member in u r family.:thumbsup
Be posting letters for the latest information from u

:wave
Sudha Batni......