Practical difficulties that are faced by the Indian women in the U.S?

Life in US is a hell for those Indian wives, who chose to migrate to US as dependants, except for a few, who are happy as dependants too.


Those women, who are professionally qualified in India, move to US on dependant visas suffer the worst. They continue to languish the life of an average housewife, not being able to do any job based on their education, for which they spent, so many years and other resources in India.

Being able to do a job , based on one's education gives a self-respect to any one. Not being able to do so, these professionally qualified women, lead a life of ever persisting depression and poor self-respect cursing their bad luck (of having to lead a life of a housewife, though they are professionally qualified).

When they come to India during their yearly once visit, they are smart enough to wear a fake smile on their faces, making every one in their family believe that their daughter is leading life with unlimited happiness in the 'land of opportunities' !

This website, at least , serves them as a platform to express their life with agony and poor self-respect (many suffer abuse silently at the hands of their spouses), giving them , some relief !

This website is replete with the stories of such professionally qualified wives on dependant visas, which is nothing but a silent suffering !

 

@ Darmesh- I can understand that those professionally qualified and wants to work if forced to be housewives can feel they lead very unfulfilled life. But most people sign up for that fully aware of what lies ahead. In such cases, its a conscious decision and one should take responsibility for that.

But I respectfully disagree with the below quote. Self- respect does not necessarily come from doing a job per one's qualifications. I know many women who happily quit well paying jobs to be full-time moms and they don't lack any self-esteem and neither are they unhappy. Thankfully we women live in a time where barring financial needs, we have many choices- to work or not. I had quit my job happily after the birth of my baby and it was completely my decision. However, I concede that if a women is forced by someone not to work, they can feel unfulfilled.

"Being able to do a job , based on one's education gives a self-respect to any one."

 

The words I marked red in your post, explains all. What I posted above as post no. 11 is specifically with reference to Medical Doctors, who after M.B.B.S in India, migrate to US on dependant visas. My younger sister is a Medical Doctor, who practises here in India. Her classmates are in touch with her. The centre of their topic often would be, those female doctors, who migrated to US, being not able to do any work, sitting at home for decades, landing up in depression.

The first hand information specifically about doctors from India migrating to US on dependant visas I got is because of the doctor in my family (my sister). Sometimes, it is really pathetic to see how my sisters old friends (now in US) lead their life miserably without any sense of fulfilment.

My sister is doing an average job in a hospital in India. Yet, her classmates who are in US (not doing anything based on degree) look upon her with jealousy ! That is the sorry state of affairs to them, in the 'land of opportunities' !

As you rightly said, before migrating on dependant visas, these women should be well aware of what is in store for them once they migrate to US.

 

@ darmesh....It had nothing specifically to do with the "land of opportunity". A country does not have ANY obligation to allow foreigners to work unless it is to its benefit. Every country had its own laws and when we choose to come to a foreign country, we have to follow their laws. The visa policy of any country is to first and foremost protect its citizens.If that is not acceptable, one needs to be in their home country. A simple visit to the USCIS website will tell them what any visitor needs to know about US policies.

If women need to be empowered need to do that due diligence before marrying someone especially those that work in a different country. In today's world of information overload, ignorance is no excuse. Where is the sense of personal responsibility? If anything, a woman and her parents are to blame for her lack of career after marriage because there was not much forethought about life after the wedding.

My comment that you highlighted was specifically referencing those women who bow to the decree of husband and his family and not working not US work policy.

 

Darmesh- I disagree with your comment about MBBS doctors leading a "hell " life in the US. It depends on how much one wants to put effort in building their career. I know two women (not a lot but atleast as many as you're talking about) who came as J2s (dependent visa for spouse of a scientist), studied hard and passed USMLE, worked as residents and now practicing in the US. No one will give you a job without fulfilling the requirements of the country you are in. Pardon me, but MBBS might look great in India, it is just an undergraduate degree.
"Being able to do a job.....", I also disagree with this statement. Sometimes people find their calling in something entire ly different from what they're trained for. Being a housewife is neither "average", nor "lowly", I've seen people resigned from the corporate jobs/academics/research, to be a housewife. I took 4 months unpaid leave to be with my child and if you look at my previous threads, I recently turned down a job offer that was paying me double of my current salary.
As Sdiva said, I also csme here as a student and worked my way to the university faculty. Never in last 9 years I found a dull moment in this country and no, I don't put a fake smile when I visit India. Land of opportunity is for those who work hard to take thst opportunity not just complain the lack of it.

 

I agree with Nuss. There are just as many Americans who have a hard time finding a job in their own country. And why just US, there is competition for jobs all around the globe. I know many people who came as dependents but went on to Masters so that they could improve their chances in the job market. Then there are others who strategically network or get active socially or through volunteering activities build a network that could lead to a job interview. It may take time but persistence usually pays off.

I believe if you want something really badly and is prepared to work towards it, you greatly improve your chances of success.

 

OP- I am sorry, we kind of hijacked your thread and took it into a different direction. To answer your question (it is going to be a long answer), there are difficulties in moving to any place not just the US. I mean not only in a different country but also in different parts of your own country. I've lived on my own in Delhi, Hyderabad and Assam in India; in Scotland, France, Haiti and the US. Delhi was easiest because I've lot of family there (my extended family is in Delhi although I grew up in Haryana) and my cousins were always willing to do stuff for me. Everywhere else I lived on my own- from finding a place to stay, places to eat (I lived 3-4 months at a stretch in all these places except the US where I've been living for last 9 years), shop groceries, finding transportation etc. I had recommendations from colleagues but nobody was doing anything for me. One thing that I found in common (when you move for the first time) is once out of the security of your 'home' every place feels like a home if you're willing to be adventurous. The problem I faced in most places was- language. Once I got over the language barrier, it was all fun. Ofcourse, 3-4 months is not enough time to be able to speak fluent Telugu, Assamese, French or Creole, but as long as I was courteous and used thank you and please in a given language with mostly English, I was fine. In the US, my main practical difficulty was lack of public transportation (which is not the case in most other places). Once I learned the schedule and how to stop a bus when you need to get off, it was a breeze. I bought my car after 6 months and first 6 months without a car were a little tricky.
I was single, working woman (student for a year and then research scientist) when I moved to the US and also lived in different places because of my work. Little different situation.

 

True.

Ignorance is no excuse. These women, I guess, did not have the precise knowledge of US Policies and the difficulties a person with M.B.B.S degree from India, in US, as to exams like USMLE.

They probably thought the professional life is going to be a bed of roses, simply because, they will be in US !

 

Probably, this is the one specific context, where my sister's classmates might have failed. That is working hard, updating themselves and clearing exams like USMLE !

 

A super thread in understanding the life in US for women with and without work .
I gathered lot of valuable information and would disseminate among my group for their betterment!
I tend to agree with points of @nuss .

God Bless all my Indian Sisters.