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Practical difficulties that are faced by the Indian women in the U.S?

Discussion in 'General Discussions - USA & Canada' started by chkalyani, Feb 4, 2014.

  1. chkalyani

    chkalyani Gold IL'ite

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    When any Indian particularly Indian woman before / after marriage visiting the U.S for the 1st time, gets much excited and I think beautiful / glossy filmy scenes come to one's thought (sorry no intentions). But once the person lands in the country, he / she comes to know and have to face some of the practical difficulties in this country. Particularly in case of married non-working women, things are different. She is confined to the four walls sitting with her little kid, if any, and just keeps counting the time for her husband to return from the office.

    Moreover, for the 1st time visitors, no furniture or limited furniture, commutation problems, no friends in the neighborhood and many more practical difficulties.

    What other practical difficulties an Indian particularly Indian women will face in the U.S when they visit the country for the 1st time? Please discuss.
     
    Last edited: Feb 4, 2014
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  2. theamma

    theamma Bronze IL'ite

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    Dear Kalyani,
    Sorry to hear you feel lonely here. You don't have to be if you drive. Even if you cannot drive, you can take a bus, streetcar or subway to a Mall. You can browse around in the stores and people-watch. In a Mall there are lots of places to sit down. When you are hungry, there are many places to eat ( It is hard to get the food we like, if you are a vegetarian). Even at home, you can watch TV, learn about the people and their customs. You can read a book or practice the hobbies you have like sewing, knitting, painting etc. Also you can try to make friends with your neighbors. Americans are usually friendly people. Also remember we are here in their country and we should make the effort to be outgoing. I know it is very hard without your family and friends in a new country and all new customs. You will get used to this in a few years. Hope things get better for you. Don't give up hope. Look in the phone directory for Indian names and give them a call. You can become their friend. Through that friend you will get to know more Indian friends. Good Luck!
     
  3. magicworld

    magicworld Bronze IL'ite

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    there are lot of good opportunities here to develop your hobbies like crafts, cooking, sewing.. pick one and try doing something, take books from library and try new crafts or recipes...
     
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  4. DKI

    DKI Platinum IL'ite

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    When I came here soon after marriage, I came into a small apartment, with a miniscule kitchen and no furniture (my husband had bought the latest TV, audio system, and VCR - yes...that long ago)

    For me it was not about the loneliness. I was excited to be starting a new life, a fresh life with my husband. Though we had been married 6 months, we had been separated due to his work even in India and then he was here 2 months before I joined him. Ours was an arranged marriage, so I did not even know him properly. His likes and dislikes were all given to me by my MIL (and I believed her - dumb me)

    For about a month after coming here his project was close to home and he would even come home for lunch...and that's when both of us realized I could make complicated food, but had absolutely no idea how to make the simplest - rasam :)

    Anyway, I spent the time going online, learning new dishes, we decorated the house together. Our first furniture was from the salvation army store. I was hesitant at first, but we saw all our friends going there and so did we. Over the years being here on H4, I did not let it make me depressed. I attended various online courses (even though I knew I could not work), I taught dance to a few kids (I used to run a class of about 30 kids prior to marriage). Most importantly, my husband and I learnt about each other. I doubt we would have become what we are today had we remained in india. That would have kept us in my in-laws house where neither of us had any freedom.

    Don't look at the negatives in leaving home....find the positives and you will have a fantastic time.
     
  5. anika987

    anika987 IL Hall of Fame

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    You have almost listed everything!

    Hmm..what more..let's see..

    one thing is we are FORCED to make friendships if we want.It's not like back home where things are so casual.Here,we meet different kinds of people from different communites and despite what anyone might say,unless we ADAPT to the change be it friends or culture or anything it is damn tough here.
     
    Last edited: Feb 6, 2014
  6. chkalyani

    chkalyani Gold IL'ite

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    Oh! my goodness. thinkingsmiley

    Seems our members misunderstood my post. I have just posted a thread from discussion point of view and nothing else.
     
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  7. Nab

    Nab Senior IL'ite

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    Hi Kalyani, other than the problems you mentioned I can add a few with my personal experience.

    1. I feel the first and foremost difficulty is overcoming the fear and intimidation in stepping out in a new country with unknown culture, travel system, rules etc and exploring alone.
    2. Difficulty in understanding American English and conveying something clearly to an American in Indian English
    3. Being overwhelmed with what to cook, how to cook. Just a few of the vegetables we are used to cooking in India are available here, in Indian grocery stores more options are available but they are sometimes not fresh or too costly. So cauliflower, carrot, brinjal, beans and potatoes make it to the plate too frequently. It takes some courage to buy American stuff like Brussels sprouts, asparagus, kale, artichoke and experiment with them.
    4. The need to research a lot of reviews before buying anything as options are limitless.
    5. Soon after moving from India if wife is not working plus if there are kids husbands too feel a lot of stress to settle down and guys handle stress so poorly that it creates misunderstandings. The wives may suddenly feel more unsupported in their ordeal and left alone.
    6. Even if we want to start working it is tough to explore options without many friends who can give suggestions and takes some time as the options to work here are very different from that in India though its limitless.
    7. If we are used to maids for household work in India or help from relatives it takes a lot of time to adjust doing everything by ourselves particularly if husbands are not keen enough to share some work. Many husbands may slowly change their attitude towards household works but it takes a lot of struggle and strategy sometimes.
    8. On top of being stuck at home if we are avid TV watchers we don't get channels interesting enough to watch here till we can get information and arrange for some special Indian channels.
    9. Atleast I had a laptop for myself and it was my best friend. Cant imagine what someone without a laptop, internet connection or knowledge of using them would go through.
    10. Eating out is very costly so not much option if you don't feel like cooking.


    So much for now... If something else comes to mind Ill add.
     
    Last edited: Apr 26, 2014
  8. daksh

    daksh Silver IL'ite

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    I have seen couple of IT girls who came to US for a 3 month onsite project. The difficulties that they faced (between I faced atleast half of these difficulties to a lesser extent, when I started work after being in US for four years. But the initial four years, I was staying home with limited Indian friends)
    1. Understanding American accent and replying back so that others could understand you
    2. Dressing, purchasing work clothes, cosmetics that match your skin tone
    3. Difficulty in participating group meetings and office parties, not knowing culture, sports, weather, politics, current affairs
    4.Cultural differences - In India, we are raised to being polite and agree to whatever to elders and higher officials have to say. But here, you have to voice out your opinion and be assertive,and add your contribution whether you are at junior level or senior level.
    5. commute without a vehicle, not knowing driving
    6. making friends, feeling of loneliness, lack of moral and physical support
     
  9. aamrapali

    aamrapali Gold IL'ite

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    If one has a wonderful family, great network of friends, and has lived an extremely active and gregarious life and lifestyle in India, then the transition may be challenging to adapt. If one has a quiet, simple, laid-back, more indoorsy type of lifestyle then they will not find it difficult.

    Much also depends on the spouse or friends here as to how much they understand and take the effort to make you feel at home.
     
  10. sdiva20

    sdiva20 Platinum IL'ite

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    I think my experiences were quite different from what I have heard and read. I came here as a single girl to study and I found the transition from India to US very seamless. Unlike many married ladies and other singles who came for work, what worked/ helped me was coming into a university setting and it was easier to make friends. I also never limited myself to people of certain community or ethnicity or race. My primary reason for wanting to US was to get that diverse experience that probably is impossible in India.

    I am traditional at heart- meaning while I outwardly looked more westernized (many thought I was raised in US- my Indian accent non-withstanding- which I still proudly still after all these years have :)- I hold my Indian values. However, I was adventurous and open- minded. I was open to making to new like-minded friends, trying out new cuisine, new activities - I learned to ski, horse ride and got private pilot certification- LOVED shopping in US - the choices are endless here. Got a job, bought a house, enjoyed furnishing it and somewhere along the way, when I was least expecting it, fell in love and married my prince charming :)

    I can however, see how it can get hard for someone here when they come as dependents. My advice is to keep open mind and don't limit yourself to only making Indian friends. Because most people try that, there is the common complaints that one is "FORCED" to make friends. You are not forced if you broaden your horizon. I find people here very friendly and they go out of their way to help you. I live in a predominantly white family friendly neighborhood and if I were only looking for Indian friends, I would be friendless. Only two Indian families I know here and they are in 40's with teenage children and I don't think I would have much in common with them though they are very nice. Instead I made friends with my neighbors who are white and we all get along very well and have great time and we help each other and confide in each other.

    Even my mom who spends months here have found various ways to keep herself occupied and she also loves it here. She loves knitting and crocheting. We both love cooking and gardening which even my husband is very into these days.

    Where is the time to get bored? The public libraries here are awesome and as a voracious reader, I never miss India because where I lived there were no awesome libraries like here and if I needed the books I wanted I had to buy them in India. The parks and hiking trails are great and more importantly SAFE.

    I believe just like age is just a number, where you live is just a address. You can embrace the new place you live and make best of all the opportunities or you can list the perceived shortcomings and be miserable. I chose happiness and new adventures and have absolutely no regrets.
     

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