Power of words : To make or mar!!

Devika Menon · Feb 2, 2009

If there is one thing that can get a smile on the speaker and a listener , it’s a word of admiration. An appreciation!!
Everyone loves to be appreciated . But on one hand where I find that we are all avaricious of compliments, people are very miserly in using them.

Criticism is important , very important for progress, for improvement. But then criticize where it is due. Sometimes a criticizer is essential, he brings out the best in us, strengthens our nerves and hones our skills.
An antagonist is actually a great helper. That’s a better angle to look at it.

What is strange is that appreciation is not given where due but criticism is showered in abundance even where it is not .

Why do people find it difficult to appreciate? Why do they have to ponder and worry about using a few good words in praise ? And why is it that people find it easier to criticize that appreciate?

True eloquence is not about what could be said but what should be said.

Like for eg, when our kid commits a mistake we find it so easy to say, “I told you so, Why don’t you just listen to me? You are forever making mistakes,” and so on and so forth. But when they do something positive , do we also praise them equally? No we don’t. We find that it is understood.
When our spouses do not do things as per our wishes they are hounded with complaints but when they do , are we appreciative enough? Do we show them how their little actions make us feel good ? There again we feel its not important. We take it for granted that it is understood.

Lets say for example , when food is cooked, more often than not we would find criticism , than appreciation.
If you think it important enough to say food isn’t cooked well , don’t you consider it important enough to say it tastes well too when it does.
Why is the appreciation always silent and the criticism loud??

Very often we find we are giving our best shot, we have done everything possible to help someone, tried our best to adjust to situations, have really achieved something but we yet find a lot of criticism. Makes one wonder why?
A good word is an easy obligation but to not speak ill requires only our silence which costs us nothing.
When criticism is not genuine, when it is made with the intent of humiliating, then generally it stems from envy.
The irony is that very often our envy for someone lasts longer than that person happiness on the object of envy.

When criticism is given for the progress it is a blessing and when it is given as a means to retard growth, with malice, then it is a sin like no other.

We human thrive on sweet words , cherish it and reliving it brings as much happiness as it did when we heard it the first time as a critical comment can bring you pain and humiliation each time you reminisce about it.

So lets just try to use our power to make things right and not mar it.

Love,
Devika

muzna · Feb 2, 2009

dear devika
nice write up:thumbsup
it so happens that we look at criticism with hate while it is just a comment on something. critical appraisal is to find out the worth of something. actually we have started to use taunt and criticism as one thing, thats why listening to the word raises our hackles.
the best is to first evaluate what way the other person is telling something..then react

Amywos · Feb 3, 2009

Dear Devika Ji, well said. I feel like shouting these loud to everyone. This is one topic which I love to read/write/preach too

"We human thrive on sweet words "

Beautifully written. Agree with you 200% pls do write more..

Amywos · Feb 3, 2009

You know what? I am reading this again and again and again. I am very excited when such topics comes up. Today I thoroughly njoid 2 nice blogs (one is this and one is chithra mams) and feel so good.

jaijui0 · Feb 3, 2009

hello devika,
depends ! to those we know well, we are slow to praise and quick to criticize ..for instance our spouses and children .we are afraid to praise them as we worry that they will get swollen heads !
but those we dont know well, strangers ,we do praise ,in fact go overboard with the praise ..that's no good either
jaijui

Jpatma · Feb 3, 2009

Dear Devika,
You have mastered the power of words.

An antagonist is actually a great helper.
Agree, he helps to correct ourselves & move fwd, But always remember salt it required to enhance and balance the taste of food, but excess salt can make the food unpalatable. So it shd at right time and right amount.
True eloquence is not about what could be said but what should be said.
In real world we often leave so many words unsaid. Due to some innate nature, or at times taking things for granted etc etc. We are often lavish with praises with strangers,others than our loved ones. Its because we take them for granted. If only we change a bit over this area,more meanings can be brought into life.
Why is the appreciation always silent and the criticism loud??

Why is that negative headlines have more readers than positive headlines? It is exactly the same. allure of negativity.
The irony is that very often our envy for someone lasts longer than that person happiness on the object of envy.

Some criticise to drive a point, while some criticise to humiliate a person, while some to show their supermacy over the other.
Criticism shd be only to correct/amend the shortcomings.
To gist: 1) Criticise only when necessary -short and sweet 2) Criticise only to amend and no other ulterior motive 3) Praise lavishly but be genuine 4) This rule applies to all- friends and foe.
Devika, you have mastered the art , so the whole matter doesn't apply for you darling.
Jaya

Mindian · Feb 3, 2009

lovely blog dear devs and a treat along with chithramams why do people hesitate to apologize...really the more u see people u cannot comprehend human behavior..

i agree with the others that we are not very appreciative but easy to criticize our closest ones..a point brought to my notice by none other than my dh..i used to say thats because u are closest to me and i want u all to be perfect..now with age i realise who the hell am i to expect everybody around me to be perfect all the time..if i can take imperfection in a friend i better learn to take it and accept in my dearest ones who are with me thruout my life.....

nice thought provoking blog....not to be just read but practised

love
Mindi

anaamika · Feb 3, 2009

Hi Devika

Nice topic.....

I agree with what some of them said....as we grow closer and familiar, criticism is more, and praise becomes lesser. Yes, criticism should be only constructive and effective, should not criticize just out of spite. But we should learn to praise more often, specially our kids and spouse, which we tend to do the least. And praise too should be genuine, not false praise that we generally do to freinds or strangers, even if it just not to hurt them. Thinking of the other way around, we dont "take" praise well too....either gets to our head or shy off; whereas when it comes to any criticism , we hardly take it in the right spirit.
In short, give more praise than criticism, and take praise gracefully too!!!

cheers

Arunarc · Feb 3, 2009

Dear Devika
Criticism is as important as appreciation.
You need to criticism without hurting another persons feelings. And never look back when it comes for appreciation. Even a smallest thing in life need to be appreciated. This encourages a person to make more better. This applies to criticism too,
Nice write up as usual my dear dadiamma
you might be surprised without that word na in the beginning so used it in the end....hehehe

Lalitha Shivaguru · Feb 3, 2009

Dear Devs,

An wonderful blog...I know you will get fedup of my comments but honestly you are excelling yourself in writing each and every piece. Can't decide which is your best. Every piece is a Gem.

When I read this, I remembered my dad. Whenever mom's dishes turn out excellently well, he never used to praise. We had to ask him hows the food etc To this he would reply, you should understand these...when a person is not giving comments and eating quietly and finishing the plate then it is understood the dishes are all first class.

Swami Sukhbodhananda always says that appreciation is a real booster to all escpecially a DH has to praise his wife often so that they do not feel dejected and taken for gtanted.