Possessiveness

iyerviji · May 6, 2010

When a person who doesn’t know swimming is drowning, if there is only one object to hold on to – be it a person or a log of wood. He will latch on to it frantically. This is in the physical realm. In the psychological realm the same phenomenon is called possessiveness.

Some people are very possessive by nature. They don’t like to part with anything. When they are possessive about their things you can imagine how possessive they must be of their children.

Its good to be possessive but at the same time you should be ready to share it with others. For you the other person must be the whole world, but for him others also are there. You are there in his world but you are not the whole world for him. Not that he does not love you or care for you but he has other people also to care for and to love.

We should teach our children that we should know to share what we possess. Only if the child knows to possess, he will know to share. If we don’t get what we want then we feel deprived and when we get it don’t want to part it.

Your possessiveness will destroy the relationship one day. Relationship blooms only when there is enough space for both within the relationship.
Your glory does not lie in you being the only star of the skies, but in being the brightest star amongst all the stars. You must retain what is bad and share what is good. Love, affections and care have no diminishing value."

Aarthibhuvan · May 6, 2010

Viji Mam,

As uaual you have come up with an useful and effective write up. great work.

regards,
aarthi

Meenamohan · May 6, 2010

Vijima .... Possesiveness ... a good topic ... the way you explained reminded me of Visu style ... but the flow of thoughts made it very clear ....

I remember one incident. In Second DD's class they taught caring and sharing ... my second during break went to her friends table and started serving her food and took one from their box ...her teacher disciplined her and the reply was " Teacher you only taught me know caring and sharing " Her teacher laughed saying this to me ... My DD hates eating food ... but junk she will be the first to finish ....

Custard · May 6, 2010

Hello Viji mam,

A very nice write up!!! It reminds me of my school days! I used to be very possessive of my Best friend! as I grew up, somehow that quality started diminishing and now I'm not possessive of anyone though I love my friend the same way......

Padmini · May 6, 2010

Dear Viji,
A very thought provoking post and you have dealt it in avery refined and matured manner.
EVERY PERSON in this world at some point of his time gets too possessive or obsessed about some thing/ person. For instance, kids are so possessive that they will not allow others to play with their toys.

In a relationship, possessiveness usually starts out slow but then begins to overshadow a relationship. Relationships touched by possessiveness can be suffocating, binding and in some cases, abusive. Possessiveness can lead to jealousy, which in turn, can lead to anger. Anger in an immature person or an abused victim can lead to physical outbursts and more abuse.It’s just a feeling. If not controlled, it may ruin or spoil the relationship...or your equation with that particular person at the least….A relation does not involve ownership. It requires partnership.
with love
pad

Sudha Kailas · May 6, 2010

You can be possessive to a certain extent but beyond a limit it is distasteful.

gjaya · May 7, 2010

Viji aunty,

Wow wonderful post and I might add...wonderfully written too about Possessiveness. Yes Possessiveness to a certain degree is good and appealing too.....but if it goes beyond a limit where it causes a lot of mental anguish and destruction of a relationship, then it is not good trait at all.

Very nicely written Viji.

knot2share · May 7, 2010

Hi Vijima

I'd like to think that I am not possessive. It is a very difficult feeling to let go of something or someone. As far as people are concerned I don't think I am possessive. Oh well maybe a wee bit I am. But when it comes to things like my books, plastic containers, glass bowls etc etc I am very particular that I get them back the same way I had lent it. I am almost in kind of a pain to part with them really. Mind becomes restless. In a relationship, like Pad ma said, possessiveness could mean end of that relationship. It becomes too suffocating with the person at the receiving end struggling to figure out what to do without hurting the other person..

Mindian · May 7, 2010

dear viji,

how are you.a good topic.i think all of us are possessive of at least somethings in life.only if it goes beyond the normal limit does it become stressful and is labelled a disease.at least i hope so because yes i am a little possessive about my dear ones and belongings.A little only when compared to some of my friends

kanthaeikon · May 7, 2010

Dear Viji Mam
When I read your snippets I use to admire because you are reading my mind actually. Only few have that talent to put into words. MY hats off to you.
kantha