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Possessive and controlling M-I-L

Discussion in 'Relationship With In-Laws' started by rimiritu, Feb 23, 2010.

  1. Priya16

    Priya16 IL Hall of Fame

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    rimiritu,

    What does your husband does?Are you staying with your in-laws?.If so ,find some job little far away and tell your husband that you want to take up that job and find some house and move away from your in-laws.No matter what you do you will not have any peace atleast for couple of years until she gets adjusted to you.So if you are interested to do some education ,pelase go ahead and do it until you find some job.Don't sit before her 24 hours.Go to exercise or find something and concentrate.
     
    Last edited: Feb 25, 2010
  2. Foundlove

    Foundlove Gold IL'ite

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    I am so sorry to hear your troubles.One of my cousin's wife went thru this same thing and I saw my Aunt change after his marriage.

    She was jealous of his new wife and felt ineferior so she did similar things as you say.
    • wait up for him
    • cook fav dishes
    • move his stuff from "their" cupboard to another one.
    What I can suggest is
    • Ignore these things like it does not affect you.
    • Join a gym or make some friends.
    • If she forces you to eat just say no..If she makes a ruckus your DH will know anyways.
    • Try to get as close to hubby as possible...find out fav dishes ,go out on short trips,dress well always and win over all other relatives.
    Good Luck.
     
  3. rimiritu

    rimiritu New IL'ite

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    I feel much better reading all your opinion and advices

    I would like to thanks vmtaurus / sky3sky / shivachoubey / rojarani / shilpama / malavika81 / priya16 / foundlove for all your suggestion and advices

    i know it is not easy to ignore but i will keep myself cool and distance with m-i-l she herself have left me with no choice

    <script type="text/javascript"> vbmenu_register("postmenu_1075398", true); </script>
     
  4. vjbunny

    vjbunny IL Hall of Fame

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    Hi Ritu,
    You are really in such a situation that makesone tear their hairs:crazy Your MIL is trying to make you insecure and so nikkamma in the eyes of your DH. You need to be very patient no matter whatever her tacts be knowing fully well your DH wont leave the house so you need to learn to be patient as far as possible make it your habit to lock up your cupboard all the time so that she cant lay her hands on your things and always keep your things which you dont want her to see:hide: in the cupboard. Be alert keep a watch on her in calm mind then you will know her gameplans and you will get your chance to have your way:thumbsup the trick is to learn to not take her moves very seriously but cautiously so that you keep your mental stability. Wish you all the Best Hoping you come out of this mess victorious:thumbsup
     
  5. SoundVijay

    SoundVijay Gold IL'ite

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    Hi Ritu,

    Same pinch:rotflMy situation is exactly like yours. My mil is poking her nose in all the things right from what my DH should eat till when to get a new pair of socks for him:rant Yes i accept it irritates a lot.

    I would suggest you to build a very very strong relationship with your DH. You don't expect your DH to stand up for you. Never ever take these things to your DH. This would spoil your relationship with him. I made the same mistake and paying for it now.

    You would definitely get an opportunity to be alone atleast for a day. Wait for that day and make use of it. We have to be patient no other go. Pray god to make our lives better.

    But one thing never under estimate your mil so be vigilant. Keep yourself engaged always. Try to get a job, this would keep u away from her. Postpone your plans for any kid as of now. Your concentration should be on your DH now. Just help him on his day to day activities. Keep a smiling face. Reduce your conversation with your mil as far as possible. show her off that you are busy.

    Cheer up dear. You can make it:yes: Just dont show them that you are weak and ready to accept defeat.

    All the Best.

    Cheers

    Sound.
     
  6. seekingpeace

    seekingpeace Silver IL'ite

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    Hi Ritu,

    this is just the beginning! I think all newly weds should be taken a course on how to handle ILs....esp MIL....

    Coming to your points...

    1) For her entering the room without knocking, cant u lock the door? i lock the door on the pretext of changing dress...but dont unlock it for a loong time...MIL even asked H when we came out at 9 am in the morning, H said we got up only now..which was actually true but MIL was soooo pissed off...

    if u cant lock the door.,then when MIL opens the door, just react...oh u are here..dint know and adjust your dress ( even if u are not doing anything) she should get the hint!!

    2) As for her going thru ur stuff, my MIL does the same thing..she went thru my lingerie also...it was soo embarassing...now am planning to lock whenever she visits us and have the key with me...if u can lock ur things, pls do that and if she asks for key..pretend to have lost it or misplaced it!!

    or just casually talk to her that ur friend's MIL went thru all of ur friend's stuff and was shameless...and blah blah..not sure if it will work!!

    hope this helps! be brave..dont lose hope..there is a looong way ahead!!
     
  7. sonalst

    sonalst New IL'ite

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    Don't ignore your mil. She seems to be a very possessive person and if you don't start taking action soon, she will damage your marriage life so bad that it will take years to recover. Firstly, as some have said, you need to talk to your husband and plan to live separately. Take time every week to sit alone with your husband and tell him about what has been going on. He needs to realize that his mother is not being helpful, but is rather disrupting your mental health and physical health as well. If your husband finally decides to move, your mil will definitely resist it with all her might. At that time, you'll need to be firm and point out reasons if needed.

    Also henceforth, stand up for yourself. If your mil insists that you need to finish the leftovers, say 'No, I am finished'. Let her say whatever she wants, you are DONE. And start taking control of the kitchen as well. If she insists that she prepares the food, say that you will prepare food for yourself and your husband. If matters come to a head over this, refuse to eat her food, prepare your own and eat it. Let her know that you are not willing to take %$#% from her.

    All the best.
     

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