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Positive parenting

Discussion in 'Schoolgoers & Teens' started by swt.charu, Mar 8, 2016.

  1. FemaleAdda

    FemaleAdda Junior IL'ite

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    kid often model their behaviour from someone they know, see and respect.. if any kind of behavior is repeated and encourages.. kids often adapt that as a character style
     
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  2. FemaleAdda

    FemaleAdda Junior IL'ite

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    kid often model their behaviour from someone they know, see and respect.. if any kind of behavior is repeated and encourages.. kids often adapt that as a character style
     
  3. swt.charu

    swt.charu Platinum IL'ite

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    This is very very true.. my DH has a habit of cutting while someone is talking and has an eternal list of excuses ...

    My son does the same ...

    but I am hopeful he will change when his habit actually comes back to bite him..
     
  4. Shanvy

    Shanvy IL Hall of Fame

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    @swt.charu my son calls those traits as manufacturing defects...lol
     
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  5. justanothergirl

    justanothergirl IL Hall of Fame

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    Very interesting thread. I was reading this and decided I will really have to work hard to post here . ...
    And for the day my grand total of PPI was -100. i had a loooong weekend of you should do this ..no u cant do that......why wasnt this finished...ur room resembles a pig sty ....u havent turned in ur HW..I am not signing ur late slips.....and ....grand finale...u are grounded. No ipad XBox for the whole week.. :icon_writing:
    Half way through the thread..I realized the kids should be in bed ...so walked over...they were watching TV...myth busters...
    JAG : Tomorrow is Monday. You should be in bed by now
    DSS: 10 min..please. We want to watch what happens at the end.
    Usual JAG : wHat 10 more min..do u realize u are way past time...u should have been in bed by now...how come u were sleepy when I called u for music practice..all that sleep vanished now that u have a show to watch.?????:imp:etc etc etc...
    JAG after a resolution to post in the thread.: Ok...10 min..thats it. Please turn the tv off and the light too when u come.
    DSS had a shocked expression on their faces....what has come over amma but dared not breathe a word lest the spell is broken.

    10 min later..the lights and TV were switched off....they tiptoed back ...peeked in said good night ...the rascals even came in to give me a hug.....and went to bed happily..,,..
    Holding my tongue has its rewards...will attempt it more often.
     
    Last edited: Apr 11, 2016
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  6. swt.charu

    swt.charu Platinum IL'ite

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    Ha ha... nice way of putting it...

    you have a way of making any frustration seem a slight annoyance .. thank you..
     
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  7. swt.charu

    swt.charu Platinum IL'ite

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    you bet !!
     
  8. swt.charu

    swt.charu Platinum IL'ite

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    Have you all heard of "yes" parenting ... I read about it sometime ago...

    The concept is this... basically you say "yes" to everything your child wants and let your child learn to draw boundaries based on his / her own experience...

    example -

    1) child wants to sleep late in the night (whatever time) - you just agree and let him be ... he is happy doing it but eventually realises it makes his day dull and he is tired all the time ... so changes on his own accord to sleep reasonable hours

    2) child wants ice cream / cold treats at the wrong time / season - you just say yes and if they fall sick, they connect the two events (ice cream eating and falling sick) and learn to say no.

    3) skip school - yes

    4) skip exams - yes ... why not..

    Say yes for everything basically and let them figure things out.... of course exceptions are the things which cause physical harm like "shall I try jumping from the balcony?" and you don't say yes to that... and things which involve a dent to your wallet ...

    But the very thought is so refreshing to me... just say "yes" and be done with it...

    I know I will never get there... but the mere thought of it brings certain level of happiness in me..

    So I end up questioning .."is my son's attitude is a problem?" or "me being an involved parent a problem"..
     
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  9. SGBV

    SGBV IL Hall of Fame

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    Great thread indeed.

    Question A

    Lately, I see, my 5 yr old son is becoming extremely possessive about his things. His possessiveness is not childish, but something different.
    He is too possessive about his toys, school stuff, pencil, eraser, cycle and what not. He keeps them unused because he is afraid of spoiling/losing them. If I give him a new pencil, he wouldn't use it just like that. He keeps it as if it is made of Gold, but use the old one instead.
    When he is like this, his tiny little sister would unknowingly take his stuff, and that ends in a wrestling between the two.
    Same might happen at his school, as he usually comes with complaints like X or Y has requested my water bottle, pencil etc.. I am sure, they might have asked a favor to use his pencil for sometimes, but not to own it. But he doesn't like to share.
    He wouldn't share his toys with his sister. Wouldn't allow her to sit at his cycle, or toy car. But he would use his sister's toys and other items without even asking her.
    Little one, who is 2.5 yrs old is very much generous. She shares her stuff with her bro and other kids too.

    I really want to correct this... Because I am afraid he may end up losing his friends and family for this bad habit.

    PS: My H was like this when he was a child (from MIL's talks), and he is still the same when it comes to his gadgets, bike, car etc.. But he is very much sharing his other stuff.

    Question B
    My son has developed a weird pattern of being stubborn. He cries loudly, screams, and hits me or my mom to demand certain things. Not just for demanding, but in case of losing his possessions etc... he goes upset and starts this weird crying. Earlier he used to cry like this once or twice a year. But now it happens often, almost every single day.
    This makes our neighbors to knock our door by thinking there is an emergency, such as child has hurt himself, fallen hard etc...but now they knew he is being stubborn.
    He wouldn't stop until he gets what he demands.
    We have tried various ways to scold him, threaten him, ignore him, pacify him, hug him, divert him, make him to pray and what not. But he wouldn't stop and the cry would never end.

    This is making me very tired and I am desperately looking for suggestions here
     
  10. SGBV

    SGBV IL Hall of Fame

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    As for Yes parenting... my dad was somewhat the same. He has never said NO to us, or at least I can't remember unless it was really a threat or harmful practice.
    Mom then followed dad by digesting her unhappiness and stress about our misbehavior. As we grew, mom knew that we were really tough cases; thus letting us to be US was the right decision.
    However, we turned out to be good in everything we did. We did not get spoiled as she thought. We studied well, excelled in our career and what not.
    More importantly, we did not bring shame to the house or community as she feared. So, yes parenting works.

    I am kind of practicing the same. Saying yes to my kids. But my mom is very controlling in nature. She things it is not right to say yes to everything, as there is a high risk that kids can go wild. She is like, I was controlling although your dad was a free parent. That's what shaped you all. But now, both H and W are yes parents, so how your kids will learn discipline?

    I know how we excelled in life as teens, adults. But with this yes parenting, I am not sure how ill-mannered kids we were when we were young. That's where mom says she applied controlling parenting to polish us.

    Perhaps I think Yes parenting is good after a certain age. Young kids may never know how to live unless it is taught in a right way.
     
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