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Positive parenting

Discussion in 'Schoolgoers & Teens' started by swt.charu, Mar 8, 2016.

  1. Rihana

    Rihana Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

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    Nothing new to post. :) Continued with the no yelling, no lecturing. "No" means almost none. Total lack of yelling would make me eligible for sainthood ahead of Mother Teresa.

    Any stuff not done or likely to not get done, I remind them periodically with the calmness of the GPS directions lady. When it is too late, I just do it myself, help them do it, or live with it not done, all without yelling.

    It continues to work. More getting done. They do realize and I can see some contriteness.

    Net result has been much happier dinner times.
     
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  2. Shanvy

    Shanvy IL Hall of Fame

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    I would want to write a lot here..so much from what happens in and around us, will do another day..

    but this is something i am forced to talk about here.. communication from your child is a direct end product of positive parenting. please ensure that your child feels comfortable to talk about everything. from their likes, dislikes which could be completely off from the parents's views. the disappointments, the hurt everything and to crushes, and sad feelings and rage and tempers and frustations as they move into teens and more.

    Why do i emphasise this point here..

    a few incidents around me..

    case 1. the kiddo was a sports persons passionate about athletics had a collection of cups,medals that would put awe most of us. the parents did not really understand about the passion and forced her into a study that was hard, time consuming and job oriented. within a few months the kid committed suicide. when the classmates went to visit the parents, they saw a five rack shelf full of cups,shields and medals and the parents said, she never told us that there was so much she could gain from a sports quota kanna/beta..we did not know. we only asked a few people and they said put her in this course.. one precious life lost..if the child could have been a little brave and talked about it to the parents instead of just accepting fate.


    Case 2. Parents strict, parents wanted the son to do well in college that the mother and kid alone relocated to a city for his senor classes to establish domiciliary of 5 yrs. the kiddo was sharp and good at studies. but the school put lot of pressure on every one who was in the 12th. this boy got worried about his performance and committed suicide just before the start of the exam.

    Please talk to your children that they can come and discuss anything that is important to them and please do listen (Really listen, sometimes you can understand what they don't say too..)

    Somebody known to me asked me last week"S, it is the time for them to study, and they have nothing else to do other than study, they have everything they need at this point, then why do they commit suicide.."

    Makes us wonder !!!

    "Seriously, what drives them towards that suicide, is just that moment of snap decisions where they feel everything is lost, if only they could talk about their fear of failure, fear of disappointing self and other and more..that moment can be rode over."

    Be there, really be there sometimes all it takes is just being there, even if you are not included..

    Will be bac later..P.S. not sure if this goes under ppi...but had to talk about it. Will definitely talk about ppi
     
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  3. swt.charu

    swt.charu Platinum IL'ite

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    very true... after my change in the avatar, as I said, my DS started talking to me, more like equals kind of talk rather than mom / son talk..

    the things he revealed were startling to me... he said when he was in grade 2 which was a good 3 years ago.. he stole pencils from his classmates and put the blame on someone else... he says he can't figure why he ever did that.. he feels guilty now and would never do such a thing again..and I was this mother who had no clue

    The best part is of the whole conversation is I could easily (now that I have practiced) put a stop to my "lecturing" ... just asked him "how do you feel about it?" and his response (which is his own thinking) was music to ears... which is basically "it does not make sense and there was no reason for me to do it"
     
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  4. swt.charu

    swt.charu Platinum IL'ite

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    .

    I love the way you put it Rihana...GPS direction lady... God !!! can't stop laughing :)
     
  5. swasal

    swasal Bronze IL'ite

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  6. swasal

    swasal Bronze IL'ite

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    Hope I am also able to change myself!
     
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  7. WONDERLA

    WONDERLA New IL'ite

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    dear... plz help me ...... how do i go to that thread that you are mentioning about. actually am new to IL and not sure abt it..... i too have lot of issues with my SUNNY though he is just 3 yrs old... will try all the tips possible...
     
  8. RHariharan

    RHariharan New IL'ite

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    I'm so glad a member of the group posted on this topic. My son is almost four years old. He is a soft spoken and shy child - willful and a little absent minded yes - but nothing I need hold against him. I find my worst days are those when I wake up feeling I have been too easy on him and have required too little effort from his side. I chide him for not washing his hands, not eating on his own and not reading on his own. These remain my poorest memories as a parent, as I always feel like a bully after I yell. I was one of three children growing up. While I love my mom dearly and see her as the reason for my success as a parent so far, I have painful memories of being yelled at and chided constantly for being, well - willful and absent minded. I'm praying each day in gratitude ... For God made my child like me so I can understand what he undergoes when I yell. So yes, I disagree with my mom - my son is not spoilt and does not need to be yelled at. Yelling is not good parenting - it's a sign of the mothers suffering. We heal from within first, then make a difference to our children. My humble opinion.
     
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  9. swt.charu

    swt.charu Platinum IL'ite

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    I tried by unable to attach the file.
     
  10. imusbachchu

    imusbachchu New IL'ite

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    i am a very irregular member and so came across this thread today, infact just now!!
    Let me start with the note that i can relate to all the posts. That's because i am a working mother of 2 wonderfull teenagers. Wonderfull because they are so full of life and they love me inspite of all the yelling, screaming and demotivating words!!!
    But let me tell you that it is normal/okay if it happens only once in a while.
    The biggest mistake we do is comparing only the bad habits of our BETTER halves inherited by the kid. Let us also pledge to appreciate the better qualities they have learnt . The qualities that we dislike now were once overlooked by us when we were newly and deeply in love. With the passage of time and taking each other for granted we started becoming vocal of the same habits. And i don't know about you all, but my better half has never scolded my kids on the bad habits that they have inherited from me!!!( guess that's why he is my BETTER half!!!).
    If you think that your son will turn out to be like his father, you are actually making it happen. Please don't take it otherwise, but our thoughts are very powerfull tools, so use them conciously and with care. Just to remind you of the fact that we attract what we keep on thinking/wishing should not happen to us!!! Yes it is my personal experience that we should only concentrate on what we want and not waste our energies on what should not happen!! Else our fears will only make it true.i end it with the quote"WHATEVER IS GOING ON INSIDE YOUR MIND IS WHAT YOU ARE ATTRACTING"
     
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