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Positive parenting

Discussion in 'Schoolgoers & Teens' started by swt.charu, Mar 8, 2016.

  1. SGBV

    SGBV IL Hall of Fame

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    I repeatedly see this 4:1 adult kind of message in your threads. I understand that your son is the only child living in your home which is full of adults (the 4 of you).
    But I don't think it is a problem.

    Unless you expect your child to behave like an adult, he can perfectly manage there.

    My kids play around the house, and the house get messy after each play session.
    But we let them be kids for sometimes. Throwing things, drawing in the wall, spreading the toys everywhere is all part of childhood, and age appropriate for them.
    However, re-arranging the house after each session would be frustrating. Not easy for the care-taker (grand mom) or the working mom (me).
    Kids' won't understand our sermons on this either.

    After several attempts to make them clean their mess, I've finally found a good way.
    That is the clean up song from their favorite cartoon Barney&friends. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PJhXVg2QisM

    Initially we were singing this song and enjoying the cleaning works together. Nowadays, we just play this song from the mobile. Kids will automatically clean up the place.
    They've learnt to clean, and also the importance of keeping the place neat. Since the message is child friendly, it has reached them so quickly and positively.
     
    Durga18, bhagya85 and swt.charu like this.
  2. swt.charu

    swt.charu Platinum IL'ite

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    The real problem is when the parenting principles run in 4 directions confusing the child.. getting ILs on the same page each and every time is an uphill and unpleasant task..so I have opted out of the gang...I now realise some of my frustrations on my child was due to my failure in getting the other adults to see what I see..

    I will only use my methods to drive the message irrespective of what others think or do... my complete focus would be (atleast for sometime) on how I treat my child rather than what others think about my ways..
     
  3. SGBV

    SGBV IL Hall of Fame

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    Another good, rather positive incident happened yesterday!

    Understanding your kid.

    My son has just started his School. There are so much that he brings home from his school. I mean sharing stories, incidents, etc... Mostly he shares everything with his grand-mom, the first point of contact as soon as he reaches home. Then eventually he tells things to me in the evening as well. But mostly the filtered short version of the narrations.

    Now his narrations includes everything, from what he has seen, how different his friend is, what color saree his teacher has worn etc... amidst this, he would say the home work, and other notifications from the School just like "Teacher wants me to paste some pictures of birds in the environmental studies book" and then go blah blah about birds etc..
    This version may not reach me, as he may have forgotten by the time I get home. He is just 5 yrs.

    However, he would remember the same the next day while getting ready to the School. This time I would be really pissed off, as I would be already rushing for work.

    As a mitigation method, I've asked my mom (the first person who receives him from School) to note down in her memory about the main points of his narration. I also asked her to make probing questions if it is related to his home-work or anything important.

    Then mom would summarize everything to me in the eve. So, I can continue the discussion from where she left.

    This way, active listening and proper communication helps a lot to organize a child's communication capacity.
    This has definitely made our lives easy, as the last minute home-work stress and related dramas can be minimized.
     
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  4. SGBV

    SGBV IL Hall of Fame

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    Deleted the repeated post
     
  5. SGBV

    SGBV IL Hall of Fame

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    That's the only way out here. Even I face the similar problem.
    My in laws live very close by (they are our neighbors and meet us almost 2-3 times daily). They and my H have completely different parenting styles. My mom's parenting style is another extreme. It was not easy for me to take the lead and have my unique way of parenting.

    I have put my foot down a few years back when my son was still too small, yet needed certain amount of disciplining.
    Parenting should come directly from parents. In our case, my H supports to whatever my parenting style, although he doesn't actively corporate with me. So, I do the directing, guiding and disciplining part all the time.

    I have firmly, yet politely asked my in laws and mom to take a back seat whenever they push me regarding a different style. Since I am staying firm, and repeating the same style with confidence, now a days they don't distract me. Rather they support me!
    Of course, this journey is no different from my other marital problems and mitigation.
     
  6. swt.charu

    swt.charu Platinum IL'ite

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    school holidays are here... good 3 weeks..

    the very thought of having a break from school is so very refreshing..

    planning to make the most of it...

    DS will be at home and not going to any activity clubs... he will instead spend time on activity books he sooo loves ...

    went for a stoll yesterday and enjoyed the time spent... getting to see my DS is both creative and funny ...loving our conversations..
     
  7. swasal

    swasal Bronze IL'ite

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    Dear all...I need help and advise from you all. My son is 16 years old. I have only one child. My husband is short-tempered and was very strict with him from the beginning. I always used to support my son but I was very careful that he doesn't do any mistake so he doesnt get shouting from his dad. So i had to keep nagging him. This was going on without much problems...but for the past one year the problems has escalated. My son has become a rebel towards me, he doesn't talk back to his father but to me he is so blunt and harsh. Shows no respect. He did very badly in his 11th grade exams and has to repeat his class. I try to keep quite but something or the other irritates me and I start yelling and crying...He needs my help in studying so I cannot just leave him according to his wishes... I am feeling so depressed and unwanted. My son is my life but he doesnt show any love towards me. What can I do............
     
  8. swt.charu

    swt.charu Platinum IL'ite

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    Please go to the thread I have referred to in my original post... there is a very good book that @shanvy referred to, called motivation.. Please read it... it opened my eyes to many parenting miskates I did (may still be doing knowing unknowingly)...

    see if you can change a few things which will help you and more importantly your child...

    good luck
     
  9. swasal

    swasal Bronze IL'ite

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    Thank you, I already downloaded.
     
  10. Shanvy

    Shanvy IL Hall of Fame

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    @swasal such a nice thread. reminds me of a few threads in this very subforum, and i do miss my friends there..sigh..will try to write as and well i can..

    @rihana pp is parental pride. coined a long time ago by me ..and now PPI is nice..
     
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