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Poignant Comparision

Discussion in 'Relationship With In-Laws' started by Roopamanju, Dec 10, 2015.

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Dec 10, 2015 #1
Roopamanju Platinum IL'ite

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Friends,
I'm in of your need your suggestions. My MIL used to put me down from day1,it's been 7 years now but recent days I couldn't handle it. She always compares me to her favourite DIL. My cosis's parents are not so well to do persons where as my parents are affluent. Her parents take care of her well and support her in every possible way, they often give her gifts and my parents are the opposite ones. Whatever the problem i've to deal it all by myself they never lend any helping hand , no gifts after my marriage (they are capable).

My MIL who is more cordial to my parents ridicules me at the presence of my cosis and relatives, always boasts about my cosis's parents and their gifts. She badmouths abt me and my parents says,"oh...her parents are worthless though she is from an affluent family she hardly gets any support or gifts my fav DIL's parents are geniune.....etc., etc.," I'm much embarressed with her behaviour. It hurts a lot when my relatives and cosis laugh at her **** comments. Recent days she brings this talk to my kids too, she always tells them what all gifts their cousins got from their maternal grandparents and the way they are pampered which makes my kid yearning. I'm much worried,What should I do?

Roopamanju, Dec 10, 2015

Roopamanju, Dec 10, 2015

#1

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Dec 10, 2015 #2

sindmani Platinum IL'ite

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Dear op. Don't worry . this sort of comparisons happen in all households. .ur parents has got diff way of showing affection and ur cosis's parents are showing their affection in a diff way. Giving gifts is not the only way of showing affection. I have also went through this from my mil. She compares her sil's daughter in law's patents with mine. She says that akka's parents gift her many things and all. I used to feel like crying(when I was newly married) that is before 2 years. Now a days I just hear it from 1 year and leave from the other. This too shall pass

sindmani, Dec 10, 2015

sindmani, Dec 10, 2015

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Dec 10, 2015 #3

anahita5 Gold IL'ite

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every time she says that. Tell yourself "good lord, greed has no end". Tell your kid that his grandparents love him a lot. i agree this should not even pass between your ears, this should go directly into thin air without affecting you..

anahita5, Dec 10, 2015

anahita5, Dec 10, 2015

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Dec 10, 2015 #4

Rihana Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

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One more entire post of problems due to in-laws without mention of DH/hubby/husband.

OP, what is your husband's reaction? For you to hear such stuff is one thing, for it to come to kids' level is another.

Rihana, Dec 10, 2015

Rihana, Dec 10, 2015

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Dec 10, 2015 #5

harinideep Gold IL'ite

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When she tells about your parents to your kids ,say this dialog to them in front of her ' we should never compare about gifts . your grand parents love you so much . gifts are not so important '
Tell this to them in front of her

harinideep, Dec 10, 2015

harinideep, Dec 10, 2015

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Dec 11, 2015 #6

soulful Platinum IL'ite

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tell her "You have been doing this to me all these years, I have kept quiet. do not pull kids in to adult politics. Let children be"

soulful, Dec 11, 2015

soulful, Dec 11, 2015

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Dec 11, 2015 #7

generic Gold IL'ite

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This is a common way to irritate DILs...comparisons happen in different ways , and in your case it's about your parents...tell ur MIL that you do not like such comments made by her..stop talking to her and refuse to attend family get togethers unless she stops taunting you about gifts etc...Tell her that her remarks and unnecessary politics are corrupting the minds of your kids. Your husband should also speak up and ask her to shut her mouth..

generic, Dec 11, 2015

generic, Dec 11, 2015

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Dec 11, 2015 #8

Roopamanju Platinum IL'ite

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Thanks for the suggestions...

Roopamanju, Dec 11, 2015

Roopamanju, Dec 11, 2015

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Dec 11, 2015 #9

Roopamanju Platinum IL'ite

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Rihana said: ↑

One more entire post of problems due to in-laws without mention of DH/hubby/husband.

OP, what is your husband's reaction? For you to hear such stuff is one thing, for it to come to kids' level is another.
Click to expand...

I didn't want to drag the post that's why not mentioned about my DH.

This drama queen had made a nasty scence when my DH asked her to shut up, my FIL was furious and accussed " how could you argue with your own mom for the sake of your in-laws?"the whole family (FIL, SIL,BIL) advised him on treating his MOM with respect and the drama continues for months, no calls ,no response, back biting all sought of emotional abuse. This scene happens whenever he stands for me.

Roopamanju, Dec 11, 2015

Roopamanju, Dec 11, 2015

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Dec 11, 2015 #10

SGBV IL Hall of Fame

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It seems from your posts that you don't live with your MIL. So, probably these types of taunting are only during your visits, family gatherings etc...

Accept that fact that your co-sis is blessed with a set of nice parents/siblings, which you are badly lacking.

I am not talking about the gifts, although they were part of love.
It seems your co-sis's parents take a good care of her. Support her in every possible way. They did not just kick her out of their home in the name of marriage, and never turned back.
This sort of support to a girl (be it emotional, physical and financial) after her marriage is a good thing. This should be valued and respected.

Sadly not every girl is blessed with a good hearted parents. Accept the truth.

Comparison is very bad, that too comparing the things till the kid's level is too bad.
But it happens when there is a drastic difference between 2 members/families anyway.

The next time when they do the comparison, don't defend your parents. They don't deserved to be defended. Again, I am not talking about gifts only.
A parent who doesn't care, share or treat her DD with special love after her marriage is always a below average kind of a parent only. That too someone who is capable of supporting her.

Accept this fact before others. It is not your fault.

Tell them that your parents are not so generous in loving, but so generous in raising you as an independent woman, who can survive peacefully without expecting anyone's mercy.
Tell them that you are gonna teach your kids the same. They shouldn't be the dependent on their grand-parents anymore. Their needs can be perfectly handled by their parents. That way, you are going to prove as a great parent to your kids.

say this with a smile. Move on.

The more you defend, the more they will make you upset. Take it easy

SGBV, Dec 11, 2015

SGBV, Dec 11, 2015

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