pocket money

rojarani · Feb 19, 2010

Hi..il's

I was surprised by seeing around the world , new generation girls 24+ , 30 + ladies some demanding pocket money from their dh's some dh's personalyy give to their wives just to mak ehappy..............and considering my situation.........i'm totally frustated and i'm going to work it out....

for me... my husband neever gives a penny in my hands he buys everything means all the things that r needed food, groceries.... shampoos things thta r to live may be breathe to be living.....

inspite of that he never buys dresses, sarees... only for grihapravesam that too when he buys for his sister , mother.. that time.... it seems he feels they r luxury if we buy sarees unnecessarily.... he never gave a rupee in 6 years of marriage when i went to my mothers house for vacation.. i have a 5 years son too... my parents take tickets and take me.... his reason is when going to parents house why is money is needed... i argued " if i go to even temple i have to pay my parents money "
even then he doest find any pinch.... inspite of me doing all the household chores, without a servant maid looking after baby.... and they even dont take me out unless its a hospital... my mil and husband roam weekends to buy groceries all stuff... they both buy if they like any microwave or something , when the demo person comes i should attend as a mediator for her....
so overall theybought me as a servant maid might be a status that my dh is married....i dont get it.. he plays double games saying he loves me ..... and i'm a fool thinking that he cares me.....anyway i told him to pay me all for my work as a servant from 5 years to his house....

i really wonder is anyladies here have same experience like... i will be very happy if they r not any...... my own brothers wife is just 24 married newly demands 3000 per month from my brother.. for pocket money... he busy sares again with his money.........anyway i wonder

but anyway its their matter i never interfere, my mom told this... so from my side i'm totally frustated due to this marriage where if i keep quiet like a slave thinking that as if they gave me a very great life , it will be o.k. if i point out my dh's ego is clashed......i'm not going to leave this matter like this which is effecting my son, my self respect..... what ladies any suggestion over this....

sarajara · Feb 19, 2010

Roja,

Is your problem not getting any pocket money from your DH? Or the way your family treats you?

Its after all your house and you should take the ownership of the house slowly.

Does your DH give any pocket money to your MIL? Or is it that he takes care of everything that involves money by himself?

My suggestions:

1. Why do not you go with your MIL to get groceries? Your DH or MIL cannot levae you pennyless at that time.

2. Are you not aware of the lcoation in which the money is strored in your house? If yes then its alarming - either you were not responsible enough to know it or believed too much on your DH and inlaws that they would take care of it. Or is it that they do not want you to enter the family reigns?

3. start handling the milk man, Paperwala , Cable guy, Pay all the bills even if it requires you to travel with the baby. It would make you aware of your family's finances and can take part in it( assuming that you are a home maker)

If they are not allowing you to take part and try to avoid you then its time for you to discuss things out.

Mihisha · Feb 19, 2010

Hey

Just for information.. If you are a Hindu, as per the "saat-pheras" , DH should be putting the pay in your hand every month...please dont call youself a servant in your own home, Never in your mind, you should think like that, because what we think and wonder, our actions automatically become mirror of it..ask DH to give you his whole pay and you would spend it the best way for the benefit of your home.

Tc

sonusun · Feb 19, 2010

hi,
You are his equal partner in life overall......just becoz u dont work outside & bring in money does not make you any less. You take care of cooking, cleaning & your kids.
First stop thinking that you have to get pocket money........second start taking charge.......meaning like others have said go out with ur dh & MIL to grocery shopping.........nicely but strongly suggest & get what you think is needed for household & slowly tell dh you can manage household groceries etc, then something small for yourself........dont expect invitations from dh. take over & dont feel shy strongly but very politely participate in every big & small purchase.
in a year or so u will find urself more confident & hopefully dh will accomodate & u dont need to have to ask........money belongs to both of u & ur kid.....i mean his salary

Monsterinlaw · Feb 19, 2010

Long back i had asked this same question here and somebody laughed on me.
My situation was more worse i have been earning all this while till i got married always had the free hand in getting whatever i wanted
My salary in india was good 60,000
I married in USA,became a homemaker,got my work permits and market collapsed .
my husband is a nice guy he gets all required stuff for me
but never asked me for extra cash in hand,there are lots of stuff we girls need except our daily neccessaties
I did not ask my hubby for money fine day one of my friend commented that her hubby gives her money every month for her stuff.
My hubby started giving that to me past 6 months,not a huge sum but atleast something

kinjal · Feb 20, 2010

how about finding some job for yourself.
If fulltime is not possible then atleast parttime or may be taking tutions at home in the afternoon?
that way you will earn your own money and wont have to depend on your husband.

First talk to your husband. Tell him you need money for your expenses and if he can not provide that then you will start searching part time job for yourself.

In india we have many options unlike in usa where we can not work without proper visa.

Just my thoughts.

blessed · Feb 20, 2010

Dear

Please stop thinking that you are a servant in your own home. This is your home and you are the owner, and what nonsense you are asking your DH to pay the salary for the house work you have done, please this sounds so.... cheap.

Initialy I was in your shoes, my PIL's use to do the grocery shopping, furniture shopping everything from pin to car and I was not involved in anything probably they thought I was a "Dumbo" who had no idea of anything.

later on I slowly started with small things like paying electricity bills, water bills which I use to go in a two wheeler to pay those stuff and my DH is to give some amount to me to pay those bills, the next step was veggie shopping, grocery ..... paying the servant, mali, etc etc and then the monthly figure which my DH gave me increased and with that I use to save some money for myself.

And now after 15 years I totaly took charge and PIL's are completely out of it. Infact I myself take them to hospitals for regular check ups and pay their bills, my DH is happy with this so he can concentrate completely on his job.

So dear, it takes time for all this, be patient but try to achieve your goal.

rojarani · Feb 20, 2010

thank you friends ,

all ur replies.... i know even who worked and got salary earlier r in same position like that.... the only thing is how we pass thru it.... and the time matters and the environment and circumstances r making us to put this type of silly questions.....

for sure i talked a lot with my hubby about how he is making me frustate just utilising me as a homemaker, without my interference in matters.....

my mil earlier didnt enjoy her life and looked after all the works inside and outside house due to my fil's health problem.... now he si no more b'4 my marriage itself....
today she wants to enjoy all the life again i feel so.... even after marrying she says she is the head of the hous e. i shouldnt step down the house without her permission,,, i got scared becoz she yells as if she is a psychic.... and thought she is depressed and obeyed all her orders inorder to make her feel secure in house..... which in result i have become the victim..... just a name added in family nothing else....

which made me frustated...
blessed..... i know time really matters so much .... but patience is going out of me..... first i even planned for drinking strong medicines to comeout of my mil's bad words.... so that i will get strong sleep i need not hear....

now after some time i'm little fine..now....yeah really time matters.. for sure i'm not asking again my dh about pocket money...earlier i asked once thats alkll..