Plz suggest,i need all your views at this time..going thru a rough patch

lovelybird · Dec 13, 2014

HI all,

I am a married woman now on a verge of start of divorce process.
i ll be turning 30 and i am worried [COLOR=#009900 !important]about my[/COLOR] age now...i almost am having a failed marriage of 5 and half yrs and now it ended in divorce where i thought it would end in reconciliation.......I am good looking,worked in a MNC b4 marriage then resigned to join him in US...but i feel i cant work now ..i have lost all my technical skills......Now i have to start a career altogether, a new life,i have to come out of the fact tht i have no husband and he is not with me anymore, i am not sure if i can get anyone at this age to remarry...saying this i am not sure if i can find love again and am i ready for another relationship,i am afraid wht if all guys are the same...and will they just try to take advantage of my situation and get closer to me and then flee away...i am not knowing taking a divorce at this point is a right decision or not...i have seen so much during these yrs,that i think only about these things all the time,doesnt feel like doing anything else.
My parents are asking me to do MS in US or try for job in US since i ll get to see a change...they r very supportive but am so much worried how my life is going to be...my mil says tht agreeing to her son's decision of divorce,i have made a mistake since divorced woman life is not easy and tht i ll remain alone and all....i am so worried...i have tried so hard and this time my husband doesnt want to stay anymore for all petty reasons,he clearly said he doesnt like me and has got some soft corner and thats the reason why he gave so many chances to me even though he wanted to separate....and now its over...my in laws are saying tht i only have to change ,have to reduce my weight and change my mindset..i mean the same old things again and wait for their son...but no commitment from their side...i mean why is god testing me so much...my parents are saying already i have lost so much time and there is no point in waiting more and getting tested by him....even i am broken and disheartened completely but myinner feelings for him are not going off...i get angry easily same time it goes away soon,i dont keep anything on anyone...i gues this is the reason why i am able to forgive him...he is good person with no habits but complete package of a bad egoistic husband...,a perfect mama's boy and a mil who wants to control her son and me....i feel all the reasons he said are just reasons but not things tht lead to a divorce,but i couldnt do anything in this matter since i am completely saturated and though i feel for him ,i feel so optionless..The cycle of me begging for reconciliation and he saying okay then again ,divorce siting i didnt change,i mean all this has taken a serious toll on me...
Now at this stage,i am worried what to do...is it right to take a divorce...still haing some feelings for him.....coming to reality, i know adjusting with him and his mother is a herculean task and that i ll be having no role in the family except from being a spectator.....

sometimes i feel and sense there can be good future ahead...one painful relationship is not all,but again immediately i get afraid of the same future...i am not knowing what to do ..plz help..

anisha1234 · Dec 17, 2014

Nothing is ever too late to start. it is your life and if he does not respect you then what is there to wait for> God has a plan for all and HE I am sure has a definite plan for you and you will meet someone who cares and loves you for what you are. just trust in God and ask yourself what you want.

StrongLady · Dec 20, 2014

Dear Lovely Bird,
Dont get scared and low. This is the tough time but you will get over it.
Its very bad on your husband part to scare you with divorce where as you asking him to reconcile. what exactly is the problem with him.
Gave you chance since he has soft corner??. Shows his attitude.
You should give him an ultimatum that you are what you are. he should accept that, if you have to change for him, he has to change for you too.

You have good education, you will definitely have a great future. Have faith in god and All the best

lovelybird said: ↑

HI all,

I am a married woman now on a verge of start of divorce process.
i ll be turning 30 and i am worried [COLOR=#009900 !important]about my[/COLOR] age now...i almost am having a failed marriage of 5 and half yrs and now it ended in divorce where i thought it would end in reconciliation.......I am good looking,worked in a MNC b4 marriage then resigned to join him in US...but i feel i cant work now ..i have lost all my technical skills......Now i have to start a career altogether, a new life,i have to come out of the fact tht i have no husband and he is not with me anymore, i am not sure if i can get anyone at this age to remarry...saying this i am not sure if i can find love again and am i ready for another relationship,i am afraid wht if all guys are the same...and will they just try to take advantage of my situation and get closer to me and then flee away...i am not knowing taking a divorce at this point is a right decision or not...i have seen so much during these yrs,that i think only about these things all the time,doesnt feel like doing anything else.
My parents are asking me to do MS in US or try for job in US since i ll get to see a change...they r very supportive but am so much worried how my life is going to be...my mil says tht agreeing to her son's decision of divorce,i have made a mistake since divorced woman life is not easy and tht i ll remain alone and all....i am so worried...i have tried so hard and this time my husband doesnt want to stay anymore for all petty reasons,he clearly said he doesnt like me and has got some soft corner and thats the reason why he gave so many chances to me even though he wanted to separate....and now its over...my in laws are saying tht i only have to change ,have to reduce my weight and change my mindset..i mean the same old things again and wait for their son...but no commitment from their side...i mean why is god testing me so much...my parents are saying already i have lost so much time and there is no point in waiting more and getting tested by him....even i am broken and disheartened completely but myinner feelings for him are not going off...i get angry easily same time it goes away soon,i dont keep anything on anyone...i gues this is the reason why i am able to forgive him...he is good person with no habits but complete package of a bad egoistic husband...,a perfect mama's boy and a mil who wants to control her son and me....i feel all the reasons he said are just reasons but not things tht lead to a divorce,but i couldnt do anything in this matter since i am completely saturated and though i feel for him ,i feel so optionless..The cycle of me begging for reconciliation and he saying okay then again ,divorce siting i didnt change,i mean all this has taken a serious toll on me...
Now at this stage,i am worried what to do...is it right to take a divorce...still haing some feelings for him.....coming to reality, i know adjusting with him and his mother is a herculean task and that i ll be having no role in the family except from being a spectator.....

sometimes i feel and sense there can be good future ahead...one painful relationship is not all,but again immediately i get afraid of the same future...i am not knowing what to do ..plz help..
Click to expand...

KP55 · Dec 23, 2014

First of all take a deep breath. I mean a deep deep breath. Now exhale. Just as the breath leaves your body, remember those nasty people are no longer going to be part of your life.

You need to first surround yourself with supportive people. People who love you for who you are and don't have any expectations from you.

Then take care of yourself first, work on your mind, body and soul. A healthy person with a healthy mind makes the best decisions and looks great beyond their years. Try not to fall into the cylce of depression. Its very easy, stop looking at the past. Past is the past whatever happened, now happened, you cannot change it.

And more importantly if the past does not bring you happiness, why bother keep torturing yourself? Look to the future. Just look at all the strong confident women in their 30s who are not married and with no children, Priyanka Chopra comes to mind.

Dont put all your hopes and dreams into "marriage". Marriage is for others, Relationships is for you and only YOU! You should concentrate on good healthy relationships. It could be your friends, family, even pets. healthy relationships meaning there are no expectations of you and you are not walking on eggshells around others.

Remember, to first get to that happy place, take a hard look at yourself and work on youself. For once in your life be SELFISH, take care of yourself alone, if you are happy everyone around you will be happy. Once you take control of your mind, body and soul, things will fall in place.

This is a test for you, in a good way to see how well you come out at the other end. Will you be a sad-miserable person who cries and keeps wasting days thinking of the past? Or will you be a person who takes tomorrow as a challenge and get rid of the past baggage and claim your happiness?

Its all in your hands and mind. Eat right, Be Good, Stay Happy! This is nothing, be glad you are out of this marriage without any children. You are still young.

These challenges and hardships are put in our lives to make us a stronger person that is what makes us human. To be able to adapt to change and circumstances. Its time to re-write your destiny and live on your own terms and not on anyone elses. Think of this as an exciting time... Breathe again and exhale......

Happy Living Welcome to Life and its ups and downs...its time to go up again