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Pls Suggest I Am Confused

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by iman, Jun 18, 2020.

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  1. Jun 19, 2020 #11
    shama146

    shama146 Gold IL'ite

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    It is very foolish of you to pity your husband. Such persons doesn't deserve pity. You seem to be a kind soul. This won't help you. Be bold and show him you can throw him from your life. He is taking you for granted. Don't waste your life. Enjoy it being single. You won't repent your decision.
     
    shama146, Jun 19, 2020
    shama146, Jun 19, 2020
    #11
    iman likes this.
  2. Jun 19, 2020 #12
    ProudIndian

    ProudIndian Gold IL'ite

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    First of all copy or take backup of all evidence in safe google drive with separate email. This will help you later in tough situation. Your husband will not leave you easily. Try to go India or safe place where he cannot harm you. Talk to good lawyer and see options and procedures. Make him pay for all expenses since he exploited you for long time. File for divorce with compensation. He will definitely threaten you and blackmail you. Then you can use all this proof get amicable divorce. But make sure first you are safe and proof is safe.
     
    ProudIndian, Jun 19, 2020
    ProudIndian, Jun 19, 2020
    #12
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  3. Jun 20, 2020 #13
    Rihana

    Rihana Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

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    Take care to find out exactly what is the worst that can happen to your husband and those two ladies if you "reveal their secrets to society." Their social shaming, losing face, their marriages ending etc are one thing. I would be concerned about and draw the line at any of them getting into legal trouble. Do the strict and often harsh UAE laws about extramarital relations apply to foreign nationals?

    In fact, if the local laws do apply to foreign nationals, I would worry about the laws being unfair to women, even when the woman is clearly the victim. The evidence that a woman has about her husband's affair or flirting being used against her (also) would not be a strange thing to happen in this country.

    Spend the time needed to figure out what you want. Don't brood on what you should want. What matters most to you? Think in terms of the future, not the past injustice. Once what you want is identified, the "how" will present itself to you in time.
     
    Rihana, Jun 20, 2020
    Rihana, Jun 20, 2020
    #13
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  4. Jun 20, 2020 #14
    iman

    iman Senior IL'ite

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    Hi Harithab,
    Thanks for your concerns Harithab.it means to.me and your all questions are good to understand the my situation in depth.
    Unfortunately i dont hv both parent and i have sisters brothers busy in their own family n issues with simple natured but.highly educated siblings.
    As i.grownup under their shadow i still feel obliged and i love and respect all blindly (now i feel its wrong). I am independent since long but still afraid to speak up as many times when i tried they said we should be good with others, and i felt always guilty thought i had hurt them. Now what happened i became confused person.
    Now come to marriage his behaviour was dominating initialy i was fearful and confused thought its ok he will be fine one day. Good thing he allowed me to.do job so times passed quickly. He had made good money and frequently visits some countries for business. He was not opened with me
    And we were.like a seprate poles. I accepted. We just still talk about our food. Others topics nothimg to discuss. I thought how it comes whats.difference in my life. Earlier 4 walls now too same. However we visited many places ( i always shares my expenses) . I informed everything to my bro sis they just said ohh sympathise again life goes on. As i said after one year no physical relations so nothing happened again i thought may be problem in me so
    I went India for ivf two times he gave his.. but he didnt show much interest.
    I always think and feel guilty asked God please clear everything why he is like this . Am i being cheated and around 6 months back, one fine day i caught.all his sexual chats with girls (my known). I saved it.

    As you said.to confront directly i cannot i have to take each n every steps wisely. I hate divorce word. Imagine second time how i will show my face to society. And to others. I told my sisters one is divorcee already , one is widow. They said think twice as life of divorcee will be worse than present situation. She said in both condition u will remain alone.
     
    iman, Jun 20, 2020
    iman, Jun 20, 2020
    #14
  5. Jun 20, 2020 #15
    iman

    iman Senior IL'ite

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    Hi Swiss thanks alot for your response
    you are absolutely right i cannot confront directly , the result at last i will be in loss as he is very very clever smart witty, person imagine if he can flirt many out of India and indian girls. And at last i will be crying feeling guilty of my direct confrontation

    Best i can do is to move from here and can shift in India without divorce.
     
    iman, Jun 20, 2020
    iman, Jun 20, 2020
    #15
  6. Jun 20, 2020 #16
    Vaikuntha

    Vaikuntha Platinum IL'ite

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    I like the idea of moving from here to India without divorce. Many wives are in India who have husbands working else where. It will not change much for in terms of facing society or daily life within four walls.
    If he is so clever and established in society and community, then do not tackle him at all. Let him live his life as he is.
    HE will not let you move to India easily- plan a escape saying health reasons or short term move (that you extend forever). He is obviously very clever, society favors men- in general. And tackling him will be "aa bel mujhe maar"
    Sorry much of life problems intimacy etc won't change, but keep your work and build a life around that.
     
    Vaikuntha, Jun 20, 2020
    Vaikuntha, Jun 20, 2020
    #16
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  7. Jun 20, 2020 #17
    iman

    iman Senior IL'ite

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    DDream,
    Really what you given me suggestions are very bold and super. It is my Ddream to become like you and bring that courage to fight for my rights. To shout , to revenge with hypocrite society. But you know after living like dog life it become my habit . HE bring his son here again he will bring other kid also soon. You said selfrespect true but outside world is very cruel too. This world is for strong people.
     
    iman, Jun 20, 2020
    iman, Jun 20, 2020
    #17
  8. Jun 20, 2020 #18
    Ragavisang

    Ragavisang Gold IL'ite

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    Hi Iman,
    Sorry if I hurt your feelings by posting the below story. Personally I'm pissed off with people like you (again I'm very sorry for my rudeness) not taking the decision and giving so many excuses. My friend's husband passed away last week. Even before(arranged) marriage the problem started between their families. He never treated her like a human being not even a single day. She is a doctor and very kindhearted more or less like your character. Even when he was in deathbed (cancer)he ignored her and insulted her. Her Dad asked her to file a divorce(15years ago) but she refused.She suffered like anything. He literally killed her soul and She let him to do that. Whenever I talk to her I always show my jwalamukhi to her.My heart wrenching in pain
    when she cries to me. She lost her youth, wealth and most of all her peace of mind for more than 2 decades. whose fault is it? I sincerely pray for her to realize that her Slavery is ended. Believe me you are responsible for your inner happiness and NO ONE ELSE!

    Here is the story:

    One day, a man was walking down the street and sees a dog on a porch that was just sitting there, whimpering, whining and moaning. The man was curious as to why he was whimpering, so he went and knocked on the door and a guy came out and said, “Yes, how may I help you?” He said, “Sir, is this your dog?” “Yes, that’s my dog.” “Well, what’s wrong with him?” The owner of the dog said, “What do you mean?” “Well, he’s sitting here moaning and groaning.” The owner said, “Well, he’s actually sitting on a nail.” He said, “What! Your dog is sitting on a nail. Why doesn’t he get off?” “Well, it just doesn’t hurt him enough.”

    Many times, it is because we have told ourselves that the pain of doing something would be much worse than to just let it be. This rationalization helps us feel better about not dealing with the “nail”. The problem with this approach is that “little” pain over a long period of time is always worse than just dealing with the situation and having a little pain for a quick period.

    Please take a decision which helps you to find your inner happiness!!!
     
    Ragavisang, Jun 20, 2020
    Ragavisang, Jun 20, 2020
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  9. Jun 20, 2020 #19
    iman

    iman Senior IL'ite

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    Thank you Shama for giving me power and courage to take firm decision. Thanks alot. If i would be like you then it wouldnt happend he cannot make me fool. He understood all bro sis are simple people..
    But one thing i realised , he has properties, kids. But he will miss companionship which he said also once wife is important in old age and by seeing all situation i feel pity for him Shama. He has girls for his momey kids for money. But i am sure if i will leave from his life , he will be all alone.
     
    iman, Jun 20, 2020
    iman, Jun 20, 2020
    #19
  10. Jun 20, 2020 #20
    lavani

    lavani Platinum IL'ite

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    Read and Watch videos about Narcissistic personality. Your spouse is one. Those humans are amazing in twisting thing and sometimes making you , question your own self and beliefs and driving you insane. they will have multiple partners, and still will say, it is because of your fault they did like that,

    society will never believe you, your spouse is very very smart. they will even confuse the world. this is just my person opinion. you just to run far away from such people.
     
    lavani, Jun 20, 2020
    lavani, Jun 20, 2020
    #20
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