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pls help with my 3 yr old

Discussion in 'Toddlers' started by priyanka2009, Jul 15, 2010.

  1. priyanka2009

    priyanka2009 New IL'ite

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    hi friends,


    i am a silent reader of IL and really enjoy reading IL.

    Today i am facing a little problem with my DD. she is 3.2 yrs old
    and is my first daughter. she is bright ,likes to do things independently . loving and sensitive.


    From past some days she is doing excatly the opp of what i tell her.
    I understand that this a typical behaviour of a 3 yr old but when i go to correct her she says i am bad girl so i can do it.

    what should i do in this case ?


    also crying for simple things. Now a days i tell her to go and cry in another room or i ignore it , which i think is showing some improvement.

    Is my response OK ?


    She is not interested in anything that I am trying to teach her. Earlier she used to love it .

    Am i pressurising her ?

    Pls moms help me as i am losing sleep over this and also getting stressed which ends in shouting at her and I know that is very bad but sometimes i just can't help it .

    thanks in advance

    priyanka
     
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  2. psych

    psych Gold IL'ite

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    hehehhe your DD is very naughty :) toooooooo cuteeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
    love Her!!

    my 26.month old son is the same way. If i scold him he says ' mammy - stop it. i dont like it'
     
  3. Traveller

    Traveller Gold IL'ite

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    Hi Priyanka,

    welcome to the club:)

    I have a 5 yr old boy (and 2 yr old girl) and he has been like this since he was 3. all my tactics and tricks, that you have mentioned, works now n then but not always. The first time he told me 'you are bad amma so i'll not listen' it hurt a lot. but then now i don't take it personally anymore. now he says 'i like to be bad boy'.. i don't even tell him, for example, 'only bad children do like this' 'you're a bad boy' but he himself like to claim so:(

    i think children, once they can communicate decently well, start checking their boundaries with the primary care-taker, in most cases the mother. i was thinking of starting a thread to understand why most of the days my boy is 'unhappy'. he cries, screams for no reason. ignoring and asking him if something is bothering him, when he's in his senses, helps. i think we must only focus on letting them know that we're there for them. i've been through crying, screaming phases myself, unable to help this behaviour of my boy. the days i'm cool, undisturbed, relaxed with any tantrums it fades away quicker.

    is your daughter in any play group/play school? you might like to try some place where she gets to be with children of her age. may be she's frustrated to be with an adult all the time and this is how she expresses. otherwise i doubt if there's a clear cut answer for these phases:(

    Latha
     
  4. priyanka2009

    priyanka2009 New IL'ite

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    hi psych - yes she is really cute and i find her most cute when she is sleeping soundly with a nice smile ....love her to bits

    but when its tantrum times ... tough to remain clam.

    Your little boy is very smart and has his own views..

    priyanka.
     
  5. priyanka2009

    priyanka2009 New IL'ite

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    Hi latha - Thanks for confirming that this is a normal behaviour of child.

    My DD was going to nursery but now we have vacation so she is surely getting bored . Also it is so hot here that it is very difficult to go out for walks.

    And yes I completely agree with you that our kids read our mood , if we are in an irritated mood they too become restless and show tantrums in everything. Also my DD knows that if she shouts or cries she will get whatever she wants. This is a result of my earlier reactions (which I am trying to change) that I used to show my DD when she would cry .

    I need advise on how should I convince her or rather refrain her from doing activities that are dangerous like climbing on chair or jumping from sofa. As when I ask her to stop doing it , i get the answer as " i am bad girl so i can do it".

    Also i am trying to explain her regd good / appropriate behaviour in public .How do I do it without sounding as if she has to always do things to please others. (hope i am able to explain you what i want to say)

    priti
     
  6. cuties

    cuties Bronze IL'ite

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    The only advice I got from her pediatrician was that ignore bad behavior and reward good one, of course you cannot ignore all bad behavior, but I ignore her if she whines or cries while asking for something and I tell her to be nice, only then she will get it. Now she is getting it, so she immediately changes tones to get things she wants. If she cannot have something, I just say No and either distract her or ignore her. But important thing is to be consistent. you cannot give in one time and be adamant other time. I have seen a lot of things improving this way. Also I give her 1 minute timeouts for bad things like biting, hitting etc. which has gone down dramatically since then. But dd is younger, she is going to be 2 in a couple of months. Consistency is the key.
     
  7. priyanka2009

    priyanka2009 New IL'ite

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    Thanks cuties... even I agree consistency is the key.

    When DD was younger , i stared rewarding her for good behaviour and ignored her bad behaviour but when we used to go out , I sometimes gave in to avoid embaressment ..this she has picked up very well.

    From now on I am myself going to be in pleseant mood and my approach towards her would be same irrespective of our surroundings (know its tough)


    regds
     
  8. asha_karthik

    asha_karthik Silver IL'ite

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    priyanka.. pls join the club !

    dd started something like this when she was 3 years old (now 4). and just like your child, she used to say.. yes its like that and i know what am doing is wrong according to you.

    Ignoring never helped. it made it worse at home, and worst in public.

    explaining with examples worked the best. she isn't going to accept if jumping from the sofa is bad. but it helps when you say she would get hurt. even now dd does that. and i build a story around how her friend xyz kept jumping (now just a straight parallel wont help - i have to add spice like typical indian masala movies - like she was wearing a red dress with the red hair band that she saw in the shop the other day - totally unnecessary description but this helps her get diverted and also is convincing that we are not bluffing). then say "did you notice she has a big dirty scar on her knee that she got only coz she jumped from that chair on that day?". (now she could go back and verify with her friend - choose a friend you dont meet often he he). "they had to rush to the doctor - dr.K who we go to. dr.k was very angry and started shouting at her and her mommy". now be ready with several stories on 'sofa jumping' theme - same one wont work all the time.

    now, being a work-outside-home mommy i dont have the luxury of this story time always. so i have ready made stories that can fit in here and there, and just an indication to it is sufficient for her to understand the context.. the moral of the story need to be built on the fly.

    its just the age..dont worry. this shall pass and new ones will come :rotfl:rotfl
     
  9. shrukri

    shrukri New IL'ite

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    Priyanka hugs ----all here have given u enough tips...so nothing more to add....Agree kids do read our mood...
    Asha i loved that story:biglaughI've done the same with DD1 who's 3.5 now, for every lil thing cooking stories and pretend play helps a lot!
    I enjoyed and loved the last line too...This shall pass n new ones!!!Exactly! very very true.....:rotfl
     
  10. priyanka2009

    priyanka2009 New IL'ite

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    Asha - My DD loves the humpty dumpty rhyme and keeps on asking me why he fell down.. i tell her that he was not careful and did not listen to his mom etc... I also remind her of the HD when she is being naughty.

    But some of my friends are of the opinion that i should not remind her of negative things or of her own mistakes frequently as it lowers their self confidence .

    What do you think ?

    regds


    PS : Love your last line ...very true..
     

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