pls help me

Yep, agree with you on your response.

OP's husband has chosen to react to the situation as opposed creatively resolve it. They could get the kid to bed by 8PM and have some one-on-one time. Pregnancy and child-rearing can be super demanding physically and emotionally. Instead of sitting down as a couple and figuring out ways to make things better, the husband is acting like a spoilt brat.

Instead of resolving the issue he is making it worse by ignoring them and commenting on her looks .

I do not think that this is as much a co-sleeping issue. Sounds more like lack of communication and lack of creative problem solving.

 

Yep. I think it could have started as a co-sleeping issue... hubby got cranky and irritated, less sleep, less wife time, more stress... and instead of talking things out or solving the issue creatively... he put on some diapers and became a baby too. Now it's a full fledged 'not getting along' problem. My thoughts on this... couple's just seem to get along better when they are living in the same house and sleeping in the same room. Together-time almost seems like a glue... that is why I'm SO fearful when I read anybody's story where they are chipping away at that glue either through different job locations, seperate houses OR the dreaded baby in the room! dun dun dun!! :crazy

I think the OP should try the 8pm bed time you mentioned. In an ideal world, all the husband's would realize how hard it is to juggle being a wife AND a mom. Until then, the OP might have to do a little more effort on her part to pick up her hubby's slack.

 

This logic is not fully right, small babies are never going to be hindrance in romanance , love, they can sleep in cribs or seperate beds too in the same room, this is just and excuse , if the baby is in other room, chances are parents are more excited and would like to keep checking every now and then, they may get paranoid. Being in same room one can just open eye or hear the sound.

Small babies would not cause that interruption in romance in couples, kids sleep and they are very innocent.... Its not right to blame on that when couples themselves become loveless.

 

I wasn't totally referencing 'romance'. It's just I don't see why both the mom AND dad should get disturbed, when only one needs to actually get up and attend to the baby. Wouldn't it be more practical to take turns so they both get at least some decent amounts of sleep without baby crying, lights getting turned on, talking, etc.?

Also, I wasn't blaming the baby. At this point, it has no idea what is going on. It's up to the OP and her husband to sort it out and look at all possibilities. If it's going to make their relationship better by keeping the baby in a seperate room, then I think they should. In the long run, having happy and united parents is far more important than where you slept as an infant. I bet none of us on this forum can even remember what our rooms looked like as a baby or where we slept or who was with us.. but I bet ALL of us can remember the dynamics between our parents as we were growing up. Physical and emotional contact with a newborn is VERY important as the develop... but so is maintaing a positive relationship with your spouse. OP needs to balance it.

 

Each one has diffrent opnion about parenting.


I am a mother of a twins , who deleivered them just 1 1/2 yrs from wedding..
Since day one my kids sleep with me and my DH, neither of us believe in putting them in seperate room...
We still have a very active Sex life and my DH can't even oogle at any other women on the earth other than his DW. yes he admires beauty and we are the frank spoken types and I don't get possesive all the time.
There was a thread here sometime back, I don't have the link but the content were "How often do you do it"...S*x and if you can read my response to it being a mother of a tiwns.

Babies do die of crying for long hours dear, I guess you aren't aware of such cases.
How would the baby not know if you are around or not...every kid when it wakes up searches for his mom...(Any baby above 3 months of age), it starts to cry only when there is none around.
This is out of my exp.

.

And HD,
root cause could be what others have already mentioned, try to prob and find a lil more of details,if the baby is an issue, you can leave it with you mother or MIL for few days to sleep with, putting the baby in a seperate room all alone would not be my recommendation.

regards,
Kavitha.

 

I have to butt in too on this topic. I don't have time to read all the
long posts but wanted to say that I have 3 kids who sleep in the same room along
with me.
My elder sleeps in a big kid bed in MY room. The twins sleep on our bed or in the crib
that's attached to our King sized bed.
My husband and me NEVER had any problem with it. We have VERY active sex life(even some of you
who doesnot have kids don't have it lol) cos we love and respect each other.
We beleive we are a team and work together as a team too.
I don't beleive in putting kids in seperate rooms in a nursery etc.,
You might get defensive and say all the things you said above but it just doesnot work
with 85% of Indian parents.
Once they are almost 6-7 yrs old they get independent and do not need us as much as they needed back then. Then
we start regretting that they grew up so fast.

OP : You have deeper problem than it looks like
1) Non cooperative husband who doesnot help with the kid -- Please don't say he has to go to work so he cannot
wake up with the baby and such, that's his responsibilty too.
2) No matter how many times it takes, keep on telling him or make him do little things like diapering, playing with
the baby as much as you can. Leave the kid with him and say you need fresh air or a walk because the baby is taking
your time and put your shoes and GO OUT to walk.--15 min each day will work.
3) When the baby is sound asleep go and try to snuggle with your husband where ever he sleeps. Do this daily, just don't
expect action snuggling is good even for about 30 min at night. -- Keep your mind off the baby at that time.
4) Go to walks together now that the weather is improving a lot. Put the baby in stroller, make him ready and get your self ready
wear good walking shoes and go.
5) DO NOT SOUND LIKE YOU ARE BOSSING AROUND when you tell him chores, tell him you need his help, can he PLEASE do this and that while you
are cooking or cleaning. --like please check the baby's diaper, please give the baby some xyz snacks etc.,
6) Last but not least, get ready(wash your face, put some powder and nice decorative bindhi, nice dress and some perfume ) 15 min before he gets
home from work. Don't reek of food and baby smells.
Try that and see for a month. Good luck.

 

OPs hubby needs some sense knocked into his head for being insensitive.:rant

He is supposed to be the adult.

 

Have you read/researched co-sleeping? Is this an informed opinion? As I have mentioned before even in the medical community in the west, the opinion is divided. Check out Dr. Sears article on the topic:
CO-SLEEPING: YES, NO, SOMETIMES?



Btw, One way of creatively resolving the issue is to do "it" in the next room to workaround the embarrassing possibility of kid waking up in the middle of the act.

 

One more link on co-sleeping
What is API All About? - Attachment Parenting International

Attachment parenting is one way to parent and co-sleeping is a part of the paradigm

 

We go to the other bed rooms and get busy. Not there. Isnt it the common sense ??